The Paper Chain

Who knows? Let's ask Christian Horner if he can take over Webber's RB7 in Japan and see how it goes.

Mr Corner
c/o The Bubblegum Fizzy Drinks Company
The Land of Roundabouts

Dear Christian

We at Clip the Apex have always respected your every utterance and think you are a really nice bloke (despite the foot tapping during every race, what are you listening to on your iPod?). Anyway, can you settle an argument for us. That Aussie bloke has been a bit crap year (yes, we know Dietrich likes him but that's only because he has compromising pictures of him and Slavia Ecclestone in a Nuns outfit) so we would like you to put Nico Rosberg into the second RB7 at Suzuka.

We are sure if you rouge his cheeks, add some spray stubble, dye his hair and give him some platform racing boots no one will notice. Let's face it his accent is less weird than Marky Mark's anyway. So, go on Christian, there's a nice bloke. I'll even buy you a can of Coke to wash away the bubblegum flavour from you mouth.

Cheers

Your every loving fan

FB

 

[FB]

From: Eddie Jordan
To: Paul McCartney

Dear George

...

 

[cider_and_toast]

Paul McCartney in association with FOM and Starbucks Records is proud to announce the release of his new Album:

Beatles, Wings, Blown Diffusers and Duets

An exciting callaboration of some of McCartneys greatest hits from the last 50 years and some of the famous faces in Grand Prix Racing

Side 1:

1) Sargeant Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band - (Lewis Hamilton)
2) With a little Help From My Friends - (Fernando Alonso)
3) You Know My Name (Look Up the Number) - (Eddie Jordan)
4) My Love - (Sebastian Vettel and Christian Horner)
5) Slow Down - (Mark Webber)

Side 2:

1) Pipes of Peace - (Massa and Hamilton)
2) When I'm 64 - (Michael Schumacher)
3) Drive My Car - (Pedro De La Rosa)
4) Eight Days A Week - (The Virgin Mechanics)
5) Get Back - (Bernie Ecclestone)

The perfect gift for Christmas

 

[teabagyokel]

From: FOTA
To: Ecclestone, Bernie; McCartney, Paul; Starbucks Records

Hello,

We have been inundated by requests by members who want to be involved in the CD.

However, we have decided to let it be.

Goodbye

FOTA

 

[Jos the Boss]

To: Lewis
From: X-James-X

LEWIS HAMILTONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN*inhale*NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN WINSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS*inhale*SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS the race to my heart, you havent replied to my last email so I thought you hadnt got it so just checking you get this one

 

[Jen]

From: Horner, Christian; Domenicali, Stefano
To: the other FOTA teams

Nah nerry, nah, nah.

Chris and Stef

 

[RasputinLives]

From: FOTA
To: Horner, Christian, Domenical Stefano

We didn't want you at the Xmas party anyways

FOTA.

 

[teabagyokel]

From: Kolles, Colin
To: Horner, Christian; Domenicali, Stefano

Guys,

Told you FOTA was rubbish.

CK

 

[FB]

From: Oliver Weingarten, Secretary General FOTA
To: All Members

Hello? Anybody there? What about my salary? Guys? Guys? GUYS!

 

[Jos the Boss]

From: Ross Brawn
To: FOTA

Ok guys, now I run this and if you wanna tell Jean feel free, he's my ex-boss so any problems? I thought not suckersss!

 

[teabagyokel]

From: de la Rosa, Pedro
To: Alonso, Fernando
Sub: Viva Espana
Attachments: mclarendossier11.docx (1GB)

Nando,

Come sign for the national team

Love,

Pedro

 

[RasputinLives]

From: Vettel, Sebastian
To: Di Resta, Paul
Sub: Question:

Dear Paul

How come your always talking about beating me when I was your team-mate back in the 2006 Formula 3 Euro Series but you never mention being beaten by Gary Paffett as team mates in the 2009 DTM series?

Regards

Seb.

 

[Jos the Boss]

From: Alonso, Fernando
To: De La Rosa, Pedro
RE: Viva Espana
Attach: Setup work-Spain, Tech Details_Mclaren2007+15 more

Do us proud, and get in Jaime Please.

 

[FB]

From: Hamilton, Anthony
cc: Franchitti, Dario

To: Vettel, Sebastian

Re: di Resta, Paul

Dear Seb

SHHHHHH!

Anthony

 

[teabagyokel]

From: Bannerhoffer, Bruce
To: di Resta, Paul
Subj: Your media hype!

Paul,

You are making me angry and YOU WON'T LLLLgdsuiffyieggfloq

 

[Jos the Boss]

From: Hulkenberg, Nico
To: The Hulk, Di Resta, Paul

I will win Paul! Remind me how many pole positions you have? Oh wait none! Piece of cake. And don't get me angry...

 

[RasputinLives]

Dear Jim

Will you please please please fix it for me so that Mark Webber suffers a none life threaterning injury that stops him from driving. If possible could you arrange this to happen around 2 days before P1 in Australia so they don't have time to get anyone else in.

Yours Hopefully

Sebastian Buemi (age 23 and a quarter)

 

[teabagyokel]

Dear Mr Buemi,

Sir Jimmy Saville recently died.

Apologies,

The BBC

 

[Jos the Boss]

Dear BBC

F1 is only half as fun isn't it? Just press one? Just Buy Sky! Remember, the sky's the limit

Sky
Believe in Better

 

[teabagyokel]

Dear Sky,

Thanks for taking that off our hands again, guys. Our budget has been cut by a government selected by Rupert Murdoch, so we're particularly glad you have benefitted.

Yours spinelessly,

The BBC

 

[RasputinLives]

Dear Mr Sutil,

Congratulations! You have officially been selected to become a member of the Drivers With Some Talent F1 Forgot Association or DWSTFFA for short. In case you haven't heard of us, like the majority of F1 fans won't have heard of you within 5 years, then let me explain a little about us.

DWSTFFA was set up in the early 90's by John Crichton-Stuart, the 7th Marquess of Bute who is known in racing circles as Johnny Dumfries. It was originally a support network for those drivers who spent a few seasons in F1, showed a little bit of promise but them were promptly dropped and forgotten about. The original idea was to help support these drivers in the confusion and the sense of being lost that they experienced just after there exit. Dumfries decided he had to do something in 1992 when Italian driver Alex Caffi in the 24 hour shop at his local Jet garage insisting the young lad manning the night counter change his tyres as quickly as possible because he had a race to finish. Dumfries came to Caffi's aid and nursed him back almost to full health(he's allowed out the hospital every 2nd Sunday on his own!) and started this foundation we have all benifited from.

But DWSTFFA isn't all about support and mental illness we have now developed into a unique social group where you can get together with other memebers and chat to your hearts content about how unfair you were treated and who is this Bruno Senna anyways. Infact join now and you'll still be able to get tickets to DWSTFFA-Fest! This year being jointly hosted in Brazil by Cristiano Da Matta and Mauricio Gugelmin who share a time-share vila in Rio! Thats right come to DWSTFFA-Fest in Brazil for a whiole range of exciting talks and events including:

"When your names more exciting than your driving" - The comedy stylings of Riccardo Zonta

"I came 3rd in a Grand Prix once and got to spray Champagne and everything!" - A recap of the 1994 German Grand Prix by Eric Bernard

"At least I was better than my Dad (I wish I didn't have that stupid uncle)" - Christian Fittipaldi reads from his autobiography

"Bernie hates tall people" - An interesting lecture by Justin Wilson regarding the politics and prejuidice he was met with whilst trying to make it in F1

and of course our main attraction

"Half a point for Ferrari" - Gianni Morbidelli recounts his one weekend with the big boys.

We hope to see you there Mr Sutil and we hope that you'll accept your membership of DWSTFFA and become an active member in you local group. All you have to do to join is to set up a direct debit for £5.99 a month using the form attahced to this letter. Your £5.99 entitles you to a free copy of our monthly magazing and gets you a free tea or soft drink for the first 2 of you local meetings (meeting subs are usually around £2 a night).

I look forward to recieveing you acceptence of membership and to meeting you at our next annual get together.

Kind Regards

Stefano Modena
DWSTFFA President.

P.S: You don't have the address for Jamie Alguersauri do you?