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This is Martian Bumble reporting live from the F1 paddock.
As always I'm going to try my best to poke my nose into everyone's business, whether they like it or not.
There's lots to talk about today considering the recent shenanigans between Versuseveryone and Peniz.
Hey, there's Leak Stephensomeone who works for Bared Balls.
Let's see if we can get a few words from him.
So Leak, I heard a rumour that most people in the team think that Versuseveryone acted like a total **** last week. What makes them say that?
Well, it's fairly obvious, isn't it? He's really not very well liked, apart from by Horny, who apparently has had a silicone model of one his body parts made.
Hmm, well, that's disturbing ...
I know, right! It's worse than...
Two ageing F1 Impresarios sit gazing at the Oxfordshire countryside through a large window at the Williams F1 Conference Centre.
Frank - So Sam has gone then?
Patrick - Thought it best to let him go, he was wittering about computers again.
Frank - I don’t understand these youngsters, what's wrong with a slide rule and a drawing board?
Patrick - Couldn't agree more. Managed quite well without any computer nonsense since we got rid of Adrian.
Frank - Yes, cost me a fortune. Not as much as Jackie's bloody tartan trousers when RBS were here though.
A brief silence occurs
Frank - I still miss the cooling towers
Patrick - Yes, inspired some of my best designs, the FW09 in particular
There is a another brief silence
Frank - Any new...
In the Ferrari garage, Fernando stood alone and frightened, unable, or unwilling to move. The realisation that his condition, suffering with the disease LeproFerrarisy, left him susceptible to losing badly.
And Fernando was already a bad loser. Being a Ferrari Leper just made things worse.
Taking a deep breath, he slowly rotated on the spot so he was facing the door to the Ferrari garage and slowly moved his left foot forward. As he tried to move his right foot, he lost his balance and fell head-first to the floor, bashing his head on ...
Bright light… Blinding bright light. Painful bright light.
“Are you hurt? Are you awake?”
Fernando attempted to open his eyes, slowly. The light was...
Who knows? Let's ask Christian Horner if he can take over Webber's RB7 in Japan and see how it goes.
c/o The Bubblegum Fizzy Drinks Company
The Land of Roundabouts
We at Clip the Apex have always respected your every utterance and think you are a really nice bloke (despite the foot tapping during every race, what are you listening to on your iPod?). Anyway, can you settle an argument for us. That Aussie bloke has been a bit crap year (yes, we know Dietrich likes him but that's only because he has compromising pictures of him and Slavia Ecclestone in a Nuns outfit) so we would like you to put Nico Rosberg into the second RB7 at Suzuka.
We are sure if you rouge his cheeks, add some spray stubble, dye his hair...
ROOTERSPORT Issue 1 August 2011
Welcome to Rootersport News, a new initiative from our beloved Rooters News Group. We have launched this new comic following the recent disappointing read in the pages of our competition. We thought that it was high time we jumped onto the bandwagon to dish out some predictable drivel and show the tabloids how it should be done. The whole team (that's me backwards with an 'a' and a 't' in it) are so excited we can't possibly tell you how much! So, enjoy the first issue of Rootersport as it may well be the last!
ROOTERSPORT NEWS - MONZA PREVIEW
Part One - Team Principles (if they have any) or Minion's Interviews - Tellie Fenderman interviews some of them...
Deep within the FOM bunker a silver haired billionaire sits in a large leather chair stroking a fluffy white cat. A minion rushes in:
Minion: "Mr Ecclestone, Mr Ecclestone, the contributors of Clip the Apex are up in arms about your deal with Sky"
BE: "**** 'em, have em shot. Oh, and to really piss them off ban overtaking at the next race"
The minion walks out backwards scraping and bowing as the cat purrs loudly.
On the subject of "anonymous holidays in Tenby".... what'd ya mean, no-one was talking about that? ... source link
The sleepy seaside town of Tenby, in South Wales, was sent into a frenzy yesterday, when the proprietor of a seafront hotel (The Tenby Ritz) let slip to his friend Morgan Evans the Butcher, or as he's known locally "Morgan the Meat", that a Spaniard had booked into the Tenby Ritz Hotel for a long weekend break. The Spaniard was named Lenarndo Afonso, and would be jetting off to Canada 'on a business trip' early next week.
Well, the scenes that followed were unbelievable. It was well known that Fernando Alonso used to take anonymous holidays in the town, thanks to later press reports on the subject, so the townsfolk put...
Max retired on Flav's boat on the Seychelles!
Flav is now living in a poor man's penthouse.
Paul made off with anything of value.
Ron stole the blueprints to Flav's boat and has hired Mike Coughlan to build it.
Mario is still waiting for Item 2.
Bernie and Jean went head-to-head in the limbo competition final; simply walking under the bar.
Eddie is still keeping an eye on David.
Sir Jackie and Niki escaped without injury
Nick designed a lifeboat and hasn't been seen for weeks.
Aguri managed to buy his Nick Fry dartboard at a knockdown price
The Toyota delegation is yet to decide how to react
The Odd Couple
The off-season had been long, the new F1 season seemed to never arrive… There were changes in the F1 regulations, changes in the cars. There was also changes in the driver line-ups.
There were also changes in the “Clip the Apex Presents…” blogs. As evidenced in the “Fernando Alonso’s Extraneous Adventures” blog…
--- --- --- ---
Fernando tried to settle Perky into his new home but, being an excitable pig, this was not an easy thing to do. Normally Perky’s stomach was predictable, but ever since the move from Maranello Tower, Fernando had realised there was a problem.
“Perky, there really is no need to worry. Uncle Kimi is a very nice chap”; Fernando said in a reassuring tone.
“Oink…”; said Perky, sounding...
I've been musing on the point of position - not on the track - but in one's own environment. I've discovered that if I sit in my 'usual' chair in the living room, which happens to be next to the TV, the position becomes what my children have dubbed the 'mad chair' and a whole tirade usually ensues. This seems to engulf all who sit there, even my kids when they beat me to it.
Whereas, if I move further back into the room and have a different vista (i.e. I can see out of the window) I adopt a far less combative demeanour.
As I have never liked having my back against a wall and am vaguely claustrophobic, I wondered if this was the answer.
It's not just aggression that changes depending on what part of a room that one has parked one's...
The office at the top of Maranello tower. An Italian man in glasses enters the room, as his boss swivels around in his huge backed chair.
SD: Forza Ferrari!
LdM: Forza Ferrari! What was it you wanted, Stefano?
SD: A few things. First, we've noticed Mike Coughlan hanging around the bins again.
LdM: Give him one of our dossiers.
SD: That nearly didn't work last time, Luca, are you sure...?
LdM: If Williams are on the pace next year, the Place de la Concorde will find out about it.
SD: OK, second, Rob is getting irritated by the team strategy.
LdM: Tell him we can bring back Badoer if he's not happy.
SD: Do we really want to hamper our second car that much?
LdM: Quite frankly, Stefano, you need to hamper second cars more. Did you see that...