The Paper Chain

Who knows? Let's ask Christian Horner if he can take over Webber's RB7 in Japan and see how it goes.

Mr Corner
c/o The Bubblegum Fizzy Drinks Company
The Land of Roundabouts

Dear Christian

We at Clip the Apex have always respected your every utterance and think you are a really nice bloke (despite the foot tapping during every race, what are you listening to on your iPod?). Anyway, can you settle an argument for us. That Aussie bloke has been a bit crap year (yes, we know Dietrich likes him but that's only because he has compromising pictures of him and Slavia Ecclestone in a Nuns outfit) so we would like you to put Nico Rosberg into the second RB7 at Suzuka.

We are sure if you rouge his cheeks, add some spray stubble, dye his hair and give him some platform racing boots no one will notice. Let's face it his accent is less weird than Marky Mark's anyway. So, go on Christian, there's a nice bloke. I'll even buy you a can of Coke to wash away the bubblegum flavour from you mouth.

Cheers

Your every loving fan

FB

 

[RasputinLives]

From:enginedeal@merc.com
To:Forcesomethingorother@namechange.org

Dear Customer.

We are very grateful that you adhered to the 'get out of our way' clause(2b) of your supply contract with us at Monaco but feel the need to remind you of other clauses you are not adhering too.

Clause 3a part 1 - Turning you back on Toto Wolff is offence punishable by execution. All Force India staff must leave his presence by walking backwards and bowing.

Clause 4d part 6 - No member of the Force India team up to and including the drivers must make eye contact with Lewis Hamilton. When he is seen simply bow your heads and whisper "he's just like Senna".

Clause 11c part 8 - All Force India cars must crash into a Ferrari at least once during an F1 weekend. We did think this one would be easy as you have Sergio Perez but obviously not.

Yours kindly

Merc engine supply.