The Team Principals For A Return to F1 Meeting, Top Secret Location, Abord Flavio Briatore's Boat
FB: I call to attention the TP-FART-F1M meeting for July 2011. And thankyou, Eddie, for the selection of the ackronym. So, Item 1, how to reverse our bans.
Aguri Suzuki: You're the only person who's been banned.
Paul Stoddart: Yeah, you're talking out of the dunny with that one, mate!
FB: But are we not the cast offs, those who can't ever return, those who have been lied about, those who society has rejected?
PS: Naw, mate, thats just you! And technically they weren't lying!
Mario Thiessen: It is inefficient to stay on Item 1 so long. We must be good at Item 2, better in Item 3 and we aim to succeed by Item 4.
FB: OK, OK. But there is some reason they cast us all aside.
PS: Don't ya mean they cast you aside?
Ron Dennis: You're just attended to offer criticism, didn't you Paul?
PS: National pastime, mate!
Jackie Stewart: Is there any point to all this?
FB: Of course, dear brothers, it is to mark our return to take the jobs of the incompetents who have replaced us. Domenicali, Whitmarsh, Horner, Gerard Lux. Idiots, to a man.
Spokesman for the Toyota delegation: There should not be one leader for a team. Collective responsibility should rule.
MT: I agree, that and strict planning and target setting.
RD: My opinion on Martin is [a large boat passes by, drowning out all speech]
FB: But surely, all of us want to get back to it...
AS: And get screwed by Honda?
Nick Wirth: Or Virgin?
Niki Lauda: Or Ford?
FB: But are your jobs better now?
EJ: Flavio, you've given so much to the sport, and I really admire what you've done for both Benetton and Renault. But this is a nonsense. I don't even have to talk sense and the BBC lap it up.
PS: And you're not good at talking sense, are you?
EJ: No, I am not. But they call me "entertaining" and all I have to worry about is David Coulthard going postal.
RD: I appreciate the situation.
[Quiet voice from the background says Excuse-moi!]
FB: But they have shackled us, stopped us from expressing our true worth.
MT: We've already overrun Item 1 by some distance.
RD: And as I said to Martin [drowned out by security men ejecting Zoran D. Stefanovic]
FB: But the corrupt bastards of the FIA, they've ruined me, they've ended my career. I can't even sit on the board at QPR, officially. Why can't you have the same passion? I can't return, no-one wants me, and I swear, I will have my vengence on the FIA and anyone who enters negotiations with it.
Jean Todt: Excuse-moi! 'Ave you forgotten who can enter this club?
Max Moseley: I daresay he has.
JT: We 'ave you. We know you were guilty!
MM: And we've come to steal your boat.
BE: Nothing to do with me, you hear!
FB: But you can't do this to me. I'm FLAVIO BRIATORE!
MM: And you can't do anything to stop us!
PS: That's meeting adjourned, mate!
- Max retired on Flav's boat on the Seychelles!
- Flav is now living in a poor man's penthouse.
- Paul made off with anything of value.
- Ron stole the blueprints to Flav's boat and has hired Mike Coughlan to build it.
- Mario is still waiting for Item 2.
- Bernie and Jean went head-to-head in the limbo competition final; simply walking under the bar.
- Eddie is still keeping an eye on David.
- Sir Jackie and Niki escaped without injury
- Nick designed a lifeboat and hasn't been seen for weeks.
- Aguri managed to buy his Nick Fry dartboard at a knockdown price
- The Toyota delegation is yet to decide how to react