Nonsense, lunacy and general stutterings
- Thread starter KekeTheKing
- Start date
RevMaxPower
Banned
OK - we'll fit Duck feet to the Quail in readiness. (That would be "Webber" feet...)
TN23
Rookie
SARAH HOLT: Hamilton wishes he could finish thirteenth
Lewis Hamilton,
you know,
the fella that drives one of those cars that goes fast,
has said,
'I had steak and chips for my tea on sunday night,
and,
it was all very nice,
but I just wish that the steak could have been a bit less firm,
it was like chewing on those tyres on the kerbs at Monza in 1996.
I enjoyed it,
don't get me wrong,
but I could not be satisfied,
in fact it was so tough,
I didn't finish.
I told the team about the situation,
but they were disgusted at my actions,
they said that if I had underfuelled myself at dinner,
who knows how much fuel I would not put in my car.
I was so furious,
I decided to go and speak to darling Christian
[Horner]
and he said that I had been the thirteenth person to ask for a drive in the last week,
and that I was just too ''fast'' for the chosen bull'
Mark Webber has been unavailable for comment.
FORZA FERRARI
FORZA FERNANDO
...and all the rest of them-
my name really isn't Jose...
Lewis Hamilton,
you know,
the fella that drives one of those cars that goes fast,
has said,
'I had steak and chips for my tea on sunday night,
and,
it was all very nice,
but I just wish that the steak could have been a bit less firm,
it was like chewing on those tyres on the kerbs at Monza in 1996.
I enjoyed it,
don't get me wrong,
but I could not be satisfied,
in fact it was so tough,
I didn't finish.
I told the team about the situation,
but they were disgusted at my actions,
they said that if I had underfuelled myself at dinner,
who knows how much fuel I would not put in my car.
I was so furious,
I decided to go and speak to darling Christian
[Horner]
and he said that I had been the thirteenth person to ask for a drive in the last week,
and that I was just too ''fast'' for the chosen bull'
Mark Webber has been unavailable for comment.
FORZA FERRARI
FORZA FERNANDO
...and all the rest of them-
my name really isn't Jose...
ADRIAN NEWEY JOINS HRT
In an astonishing move, tousle haired design guru Adrian "The Brain" Newey has left Red Bull and joined F1 suckers HRT. "I'm fed with winning" commented Newey outside his terrace house in Leigh Park (look it up if you don't get the joke), I want to know how a loser feels and what better place than at HRT. "Not only am I not getting paid, I'm paying them to design their car. And I promise you it will be an even bigger heap of crap than they machine they are using this year".
When asked what had happened to prompt such an incredible Volte Face Newey thought for a moment and then replied "You know, that little German git and his bloody finger were really getting on my wick." "If I see him raising that digit once more after winning a race in one of my cars I going to break the bloody thing off and shove it up his jacksie" Continiung the tirade Newey said "and as for that whining Aussie poofter and Mr Boofant on the pit wall, they make me vomit"
To help Adrian in his plans for World submission HRT are poised to sign Luca Badoer and Yuji Ide. "Those two ****ers should make sure the cars start at the back and stay there" said Newey "and if Colin Kolles tries to make any improvements to the car I'll piss in the fuel tank".
When ask for his reaction to this astonishing news Christian Horner mubbled incoherantly. Ron Dennis is said to have been on to Amazon to order a truck load of smugness which is being delivered to the McLaren Tactical Centre next week.
Hooters news - everything you wanted in a D cup
In an astonishing move, tousle haired design guru Adrian "The Brain" Newey has left Red Bull and joined F1 suckers HRT. "I'm fed with winning" commented Newey outside his terrace house in Leigh Park (look it up if you don't get the joke), I want to know how a loser feels and what better place than at HRT. "Not only am I not getting paid, I'm paying them to design their car. And I promise you it will be an even bigger heap of crap than they machine they are using this year".
When asked what had happened to prompt such an incredible Volte Face Newey thought for a moment and then replied "You know, that little German git and his bloody finger were really getting on my wick." "If I see him raising that digit once more after winning a race in one of my cars I going to break the bloody thing off and shove it up his jacksie" Continiung the tirade Newey said "and as for that whining Aussie poofter and Mr Boofant on the pit wall, they make me vomit"
To help Adrian in his plans for World submission HRT are poised to sign Luca Badoer and Yuji Ide. "Those two ****ers should make sure the cars start at the back and stay there" said Newey "and if Colin Kolles tries to make any improvements to the car I'll piss in the fuel tank".
When ask for his reaction to this astonishing news Christian Horner mubbled incoherantly. Ron Dennis is said to have been on to Amazon to order a truck load of smugness which is being delivered to the McLaren Tactical Centre next week.
Hooters news - everything you wanted in a D cup
RevMaxPower
Banned
The Team will henceforth be known as - "Horny Redneck Truckers."
Lewis Hamilton buys the Right and Assets of Prost Grand Prix
In a bizarre move the News of the World reported today that young Swiss/Ghanaian F1 driver Lewis Hamilton has bought the rights and assets of the Prost Grand Prix team. "As you know," explained Lewis "I am Ayrton Senna's biggest fan and have been considering changing my name by deed poll" "However, when I saw that the rights and assets of the Prost Grand Prix team were up for sale I dived right in and bought them". "What greater tribute can I make to my hero than to buy the rights to the team name of his biggest rival"
When asked to explain by the NotW Hack why this was a tribute to Ayrton Lewis went into more detail, "In my Swiss mansion I have over 22 bathrooms, the exact number of chassis that the Prost team built. I plan to have one installed in ever toilet and will then defaecate into the cockpit of a Prost Grand Prix car on a daily basis." "I'm sure Ayrton would be proud"
Ron Dennis is believed to have recently purchased a number of urinals shaped like Red Bull drinks cans for the Mclaren Tactical Centre toilets and has toilet rolls printed with the face of Adrian Newey. Martin Whitmarsh was unavailable for comment as he had his head stuck up Jenson Button's backside.
In a bizarre move the News of the World reported today that young Swiss/Ghanaian F1 driver Lewis Hamilton has bought the rights and assets of the Prost Grand Prix team. "As you know," explained Lewis "I am Ayrton Senna's biggest fan and have been considering changing my name by deed poll" "However, when I saw that the rights and assets of the Prost Grand Prix team were up for sale I dived right in and bought them". "What greater tribute can I make to my hero than to buy the rights to the team name of his biggest rival"
When asked to explain by the NotW Hack why this was a tribute to Ayrton Lewis went into more detail, "In my Swiss mansion I have over 22 bathrooms, the exact number of chassis that the Prost team built. I plan to have one installed in ever toilet and will then defaecate into the cockpit of a Prost Grand Prix car on a daily basis." "I'm sure Ayrton would be proud"
Ron Dennis is believed to have recently purchased a number of urinals shaped like Red Bull drinks cans for the Mclaren Tactical Centre toilets and has toilet rolls printed with the face of Adrian Newey. Martin Whitmarsh was unavailable for comment as he had his head stuck up Jenson Button's backside.
I've never laughed so much after reading a post on here! I laughed so hard I almost spilt my cider!
Can we get this on the main page somehow? Everyone needs to read this!
This thread is our own little secret and a little gem too
. P'raps kept that way until Bro needs extra funds and decides to publish.
TN23
Rookie
HRT SIGN BLOKE FROM BT ADVERTS
Colin Kolles' happy rentboy team have signed the fella from the BT adverts. In a press confrence, they said 'We saw Mr. British Telecom as an unconvincing communist in Dr. Zhivago, and his brilliant portrayal of an average HRT strategist in My Family, and we believe that he will be able to bring all the money BT make from people who are next in line, a bit like Narain over here... Hey Narain, make sure you get that bit which says Wash me, I'm as dirty as Tonio's sister'
Daniel Ricciardo, the teams driver in the British Grand Prix, was upset about losing his drive 'I have spoken with Fritz, I mean Heinreich, I mean Adolf, I mean... whoever the bloke is that runs Red Bull, and he is so furious, he punched Scott Speed, I'll be back in a car pretty shortly'
Meanwhile, there are questions about Mark Webber's future, he said 'It ain't over until fat Shiela from Number 42 sings, but I was pretty worried last night her husband heroin Tony started singing Another one bites the dust', Christian Horner seemed absolutely certain on Webber's future last night 'Errr... yeah, no', and Rob Marshall said 'Why the **** are you asking me, you don't give two ****ing shits about my brilliant car. Not Adrian's, mine. Now piss off'
Colin Kolles' happy rentboy team have signed the fella from the BT adverts. In a press confrence, they said 'We saw Mr. British Telecom as an unconvincing communist in Dr. Zhivago, and his brilliant portrayal of an average HRT strategist in My Family, and we believe that he will be able to bring all the money BT make from people who are next in line, a bit like Narain over here... Hey Narain, make sure you get that bit which says Wash me, I'm as dirty as Tonio's sister'
Daniel Ricciardo, the teams driver in the British Grand Prix, was upset about losing his drive 'I have spoken with Fritz, I mean Heinreich, I mean Adolf, I mean... whoever the bloke is that runs Red Bull, and he is so furious, he punched Scott Speed, I'll be back in a car pretty shortly'
Meanwhile, there are questions about Mark Webber's future, he said 'It ain't over until fat Shiela from Number 42 sings, but I was pretty worried last night her husband heroin Tony started singing Another one bites the dust', Christian Horner seemed absolutely certain on Webber's future last night 'Errr... yeah, no', and Rob Marshall said 'Why the **** are you asking me, you don't give two ****ing shits about my brilliant car. Not Adrian's, mine. Now piss off'
king new***breaking news***breaking news***breaking news***breaking news***breaking news***breaking news***breakin
Bernie Ecclestone has revisited his idea of using sprinklers to create wet/dry races and spice up F1. At each safety car interval Flavio Briatore will be dragged behind the Mercedes SLS. It is believed the trail of slime he will leave on the track will be more slippery than any sprinkler system could generate.
Bernie Ecclestone has revisited his idea of using sprinklers to create wet/dry races and spice up F1. At each safety car interval Flavio Briatore will be dragged behind the Mercedes SLS. It is believed the trail of slime he will leave on the track will be more slippery than any sprinkler system could generate.
RevMaxPower
Banned
South Atlantic, you say? Look out for U-Boats.
Especially U-606, as it has acoustic torpedoes...
Especially U-606, as it has acoustic torpedoes...
Fenderman
Rooters Reporter
An Open Letter to all current competitors in Formula 1
1st March 2012
Sirs,
It is with great regret that I shall no longer see 50% of your efforts in full since I have been priced out of utilising the medium via which I had previously enjoyed your exploits. I shall miss you all since I have decided to miss 100% of your efforts, since I shall be unable to withstand the disappointment of missing the missing proportion of your exploits.
In the vain hope that you would miss me as a consequence of me missing you, I implore you to get your arses over to Le Mans Series prototypes and/or FIA GT's so that I can see all of your exploits and not miss a thing thanks to Audi TV, Peugeot TV, Eurosport, Bloomberg and the Interweb.
Thank you for your attention and indulgence.
Yours,
Miss Direction
1st March 2012
Sirs,
It is with great regret that I shall no longer see 50% of your efforts in full since I have been priced out of utilising the medium via which I had previously enjoyed your exploits. I shall miss you all since I have decided to miss 100% of your efforts, since I shall be unable to withstand the disappointment of missing the missing proportion of your exploits.
In the vain hope that you would miss me as a consequence of me missing you, I implore you to get your arses over to Le Mans Series prototypes and/or FIA GT's so that I can see all of your exploits and not miss a thing thanks to Audi TV, Peugeot TV, Eurosport, Bloomberg and the Interweb.
Thank you for your attention and indulgence.
Yours,
Miss Direction
Arrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh heeeeelp me!
Phew! That's better.
Oh no, no it's really not.
FFS.
Phew! That's better.
Oh no, no it's really not.
FFS.
RevMaxPower
Banned
The Beeb is run by eed-jutts.
My TV may well be heading for a skip as F1 is one of the few things I bother to watch in summertime. Oh hang on - there's always "Antiques Roadshow"!
(Off stage, a gunshot is heard.............................)
My TV may well be heading for a skip as F1 is one of the few things I bother to watch in summertime. Oh hang on - there's always "Antiques Roadshow"!
(Off stage, a gunshot is heard.............................)
RevMaxPower
Banned
As Ray in Toronto knows only too well, Briggs and Stratton and/or Tecumseh will be supplying ALL F1 engines by 2020...
