The writer is obviously jealous. Betty is obviously the most complete cake maker in Ladies over 65 club. I think the writer is obviously prejudice because she still has her own teeth
Nonsense, lunacy and general stutterings
- Thread starter KekeTheKing
- Start date
RevMaxPower
Banned
I remember seeing Betty on their Calendar. Miss February, if mammary serves...
Err, yes, yes, of course! Synonymous with your 'mad chair'. Yes! 
No need to fear for my sanity. No. No need, what so ever... 
...
errrmm, I think I've got away with that one... 
F1 news:
Ferrari and HRT to race in Bahrain
With all the teams protesting saying they wont go to race in Bahrain, it has been said that both HRT cars are going to race, but Ferrari have said they will be racing with only one car....so will their driver be?
Well the rumour has it that it will be, none other, than, LUCA BADOER!
With Fernando Alonso at the top of the championship by 5 points, Ferrari don't feel the need for him to race in Bahrain. Instead they have opted to give Luca Badoer a second chance to shine. With only 3 runners, one wonders how Badoer will do in a car that is 4-5s faster than the competition. He will surely be on the podium if his car doesn't let him down...but the million dollar question is...will he win in a superior car?
Ferrari and HRT to race in Bahrain
With all the teams protesting saying they wont go to race in Bahrain, it has been said that both HRT cars are going to race, but Ferrari have said they will be racing with only one car....so will their driver be?
Well the rumour has it that it will be, none other, than, LUCA BADOER!
With Fernando Alonso at the top of the championship by 5 points, Ferrari don't feel the need for him to race in Bahrain. Instead they have opted to give Luca Badoer a second chance to shine. With only 3 runners, one wonders how Badoer will do in a car that is 4-5s faster than the competition. He will surely be on the podium if his car doesn't let him down...but the million dollar question is...will he win in a superior car?
Brilliant use of the English language Bones!
Mryzyz
Rookie
Heavy accusations leveled at top driving superstar
Formula 1 Ace Fernando Alonso has today been accused, by an anonymous investigative source, of 'selling kitchen equipment to the marsers' and 'grooming haddock online'. In a statement issued to the press the source called for action by the authorities
'This is not acceptable, popadom, that seives conceal the truth, eminating from this fiend. I know of his disgraces, how could I not? popadom. There is no water on mars, it all evaporated hundreds of years ago'
Alonsos handlers were quick to issue a reply 'Our client is unavailable for comment at this time as he focuses on beheading the medusa and turning Martin Whitmarsh to stone'
The investigator later added, somewhat cryptically, the 'former bbc newswoman':
'might be alive, but made into a haddock. popadom.'
He also made known his desire to sue, to the tune of $1'655'000
RevMaxPower
Banned
Sue? NOT Sue Barker from "A Question of Sport, surely!!! 
A despatch from Routles, sister company to Rooters which features often here – quite rightly so IMHO. (But then I would say that, wouldn’t I?)
The unseen and unsung story from Canada - 13 June 2011.
Without wanting to go through the ins and outs of the event of the race again, I would like to report a series of incidents which captured my imagination and soul and had me crying in the amazingly sumptuous motor home of one of the top teams, who had actually invited me to witness their cunning use of colour and plants to enhance the ‘working environment’ and ‘sponsor experience’.
I have to say, the opulence did nothing to assuage my angst after what I had seen in the torrents that were the track last Sunday.
Shortly before the red flag was lifted and everyone was getting ready to go racing again, I spotted a family of ducks attempting to cross the track – mummy duck, plus four little ones. Where they had come from no-one could tell me, although they had been seen ‘loitering’ in the pit lane on Saturday after qualifying.
Why would they decide to cross the track at this very moment you might ask, given the nature of the event – simple, the duck family had spotted half a soggy baguette on the other side of the track and as they were desparate for food, decided to get their dear little beaks into it. They had been ignored for most of the weekend, except for the occasional offer of a half eaten burger or hotdog, at worst, and some houmus and pitta, at best. They were in no mood or state to forgo the baguette.
They launched themselves just as Bernd Maylander got his SC underway (half an hour earlier and they would have been safe). Despite the fact that Bernd was 2 and a half minutes slower than the chasing pack he managed to despatch the leading duckling, slightly behind and to the right of it’s mother. Vettel, intent on keeping up with the SC (for obvious reasons) hit the second with his front wheel.
Two little ones left and mother duck had made her way to the other side – she was clucking instructions like a pitwall engineer but sadly the ducklings didn’t have radio contact and could not hear for the roar of the engines surrounding them. Those brave little ducks did what all F1 racers would do in the same circumstances – they launched themselves in the vain hope that they could outrun or dodge the onslaught of all ensuing cars. One fell under the wheels of Petrov and the other to Webber.
Needless to say none of the drivers involved realised the extent of their ‘duckicide’ and all pointed the finger at the guy behind – to a man, the chorus was ‘What ducks?’
The saddest thing was that after a few laps there was nothing left of the little family of four – all ground into the racing line – except a tiny feather in Petrov’s side-pod.
And mother duck, although absolutely gutted, took solace from the fact that 2012 is another season. She also made a mental note to keep away from racetracks and large gatherings of humans.
The unseen and unsung story from Canada - 13 June 2011.
Without wanting to go through the ins and outs of the event of the race again, I would like to report a series of incidents which captured my imagination and soul and had me crying in the amazingly sumptuous motor home of one of the top teams, who had actually invited me to witness their cunning use of colour and plants to enhance the ‘working environment’ and ‘sponsor experience’.
I have to say, the opulence did nothing to assuage my angst after what I had seen in the torrents that were the track last Sunday.
Shortly before the red flag was lifted and everyone was getting ready to go racing again, I spotted a family of ducks attempting to cross the track – mummy duck, plus four little ones. Where they had come from no-one could tell me, although they had been seen ‘loitering’ in the pit lane on Saturday after qualifying.
Why would they decide to cross the track at this very moment you might ask, given the nature of the event – simple, the duck family had spotted half a soggy baguette on the other side of the track and as they were desparate for food, decided to get their dear little beaks into it. They had been ignored for most of the weekend, except for the occasional offer of a half eaten burger or hotdog, at worst, and some houmus and pitta, at best. They were in no mood or state to forgo the baguette.
They launched themselves just as Bernd Maylander got his SC underway (half an hour earlier and they would have been safe). Despite the fact that Bernd was 2 and a half minutes slower than the chasing pack he managed to despatch the leading duckling, slightly behind and to the right of it’s mother. Vettel, intent on keeping up with the SC (for obvious reasons) hit the second with his front wheel.
Two little ones left and mother duck had made her way to the other side – she was clucking instructions like a pitwall engineer but sadly the ducklings didn’t have radio contact and could not hear for the roar of the engines surrounding them. Those brave little ducks did what all F1 racers would do in the same circumstances – they launched themselves in the vain hope that they could outrun or dodge the onslaught of all ensuing cars. One fell under the wheels of Petrov and the other to Webber.
Needless to say none of the drivers involved realised the extent of their ‘duckicide’ and all pointed the finger at the guy behind – to a man, the chorus was ‘What ducks?’
The saddest thing was that after a few laps there was nothing left of the little family of four – all ground into the racing line – except a tiny feather in Petrov’s side-pod.
And mother duck, although absolutely gutted, took solace from the fact that 2012 is another season. She also made a mental note to keep away from racetracks and large gatherings of humans.
RevMaxPower
Banned
Jen - you really are quackers..
RevMaxPower
Banned
My Australian (Moi aussie)
Penske to go racing!!!
If the announcment that Penske Racing is to enter F1 isn't shocking enough wait until you hear their line up. At the unveiling of their new F1 car Roger Penske announced that Bernd Mayländer would be their new teams lead driver. His statemate was as follows;
"I tuned in to watch some of that Canadian Grand Prix thing and there was only one obvious choice for the team. Maylander lead the field for lap after lap in an under powered car and he even had his dad along for the ride!"
Asked if anyone else was in for consideration; Penske went on to say
"Well we'd been contacted by that Pussy Cat Doll woman about that English guy Hamilton Lewis but all he seems to do is bash into people. Anyway Bernd made all those guys look slow - Jennifier Button, Al Fernando Junior, that Vital Bull guy and all of them fellas from Europe just couldn't get past him."
It was also revealed that Penske's second driver for the 2012 season will be chosen in a very unique way as Fox network launch a new TV show "RaceCar Idol". This new reality TV show will work in a similar format to X Factor where anyone can come an audition to be Penske's second driver in a Scaletric tournament before a final 15 will graduate to the live show where a variety of tasks will have to be performed each week ranging from lining up behind the safety car to doing the moxt convincing smile when your team-mate wins. All this will be performed in front of a panal of expert judges. Nelson Piquet Jr and Flavo Briatore are already lined up for the show and will be joined by a yet to be announced female judge which is highly rumoured to be that pussy cat doll woman.
Asked if he thought Penske were ready for the F1 challenge Roger Penske said;
"well we requited most of those guys from USF1 so we're highly confident we have the know how - we've just got to work on making our cars be able to turn to the right and then I think we have it in the bag"
If the announcment that Penske Racing is to enter F1 isn't shocking enough wait until you hear their line up. At the unveiling of their new F1 car Roger Penske announced that Bernd Mayländer would be their new teams lead driver. His statemate was as follows;
"I tuned in to watch some of that Canadian Grand Prix thing and there was only one obvious choice for the team. Maylander lead the field for lap after lap in an under powered car and he even had his dad along for the ride!"
Asked if anyone else was in for consideration; Penske went on to say
"Well we'd been contacted by that Pussy Cat Doll woman about that English guy Hamilton Lewis but all he seems to do is bash into people. Anyway Bernd made all those guys look slow - Jennifier Button, Al Fernando Junior, that Vital Bull guy and all of them fellas from Europe just couldn't get past him."
It was also revealed that Penske's second driver for the 2012 season will be chosen in a very unique way as Fox network launch a new TV show "RaceCar Idol". This new reality TV show will work in a similar format to X Factor where anyone can come an audition to be Penske's second driver in a Scaletric tournament before a final 15 will graduate to the live show where a variety of tasks will have to be performed each week ranging from lining up behind the safety car to doing the moxt convincing smile when your team-mate wins. All this will be performed in front of a panal of expert judges. Nelson Piquet Jr and Flavo Briatore are already lined up for the show and will be joined by a yet to be announced female judge which is highly rumoured to be that pussy cat doll woman.
Asked if he thought Penske were ready for the F1 challenge Roger Penske said;
"well we requited most of those guys from USF1 so we're highly confident we have the know how - we've just got to work on making our cars be able to turn to the right and then I think we have it in the bag"
RevMaxPower
Banned
Nic ole McLaren had a farm, ee aye ee aye oh ,
On on that farm he had a GOAT, ee aye ee aye oh...
On on that farm he had a GOAT, ee aye ee aye oh...
TN23
Rookie
NEWS FLASH!
Ecclestone finds new GP venue
Bernard Ecclestone (Not to be confused with that kid called Bernard with the watch that can stop time) has found a new venue for F1 from 2013. Early pictures have been released from the site:
However, FOTA, the body which represents every team bar Colin Kolles' happy hour team, have complained that the proposed venue contains 'too many banana skins, golden mushrooms, and bloody Italian plumbers'. Jarno Trulli said of the plumbers, 'none of them are my associates, or my friends. Please don't tell them about my secret life...' before bursting into tears. McLaren team boss, Martin Whitmarsh, is uncertain about the circuit, 'The danger is that poor old Jenson [Mrs. Whitmarsh] might get hit by a blue shell, and in the process, Lewis might sneak through to win, which will sap the morale of all the team.' Pausing for a moment, Whitmarsh added, with a sheepish grin, '...who work for Red Bull...'.
Meanwhile, the teams are looking to tap into the new market already. Hispania have announced that this bloke will be their new test driver:
Furthermore, he's been told to bring his bike- 'just in case.' Luca di Montezemelo, leader of the empty threats department at Ferrari, said 'They have built a track that favours garagistas. If this is not rectified we shall leave Formula 1... not really, I just use it as a catchphrase!' Interestingly, former 'Blue team' test driver Mr. Chips is interested in a F1 drive, and says that circuits such as this only get him further aroused.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qtM0-ZFwiNo
Furthermore, Alain Prost commented that he didn't attend the Canadian Grand Prix because he had a 'gearbox problem'
http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/motorsport/formula_one/8205524.stm (See the interviews towards the end)
Ecclestone finds new GP venue
Bernard Ecclestone (Not to be confused with that kid called Bernard with the watch that can stop time) has found a new venue for F1 from 2013. Early pictures have been released from the site:
However, FOTA, the body which represents every team bar Colin Kolles' happy hour team, have complained that the proposed venue contains 'too many banana skins, golden mushrooms, and bloody Italian plumbers'. Jarno Trulli said of the plumbers, 'none of them are my associates, or my friends. Please don't tell them about my secret life...' before bursting into tears. McLaren team boss, Martin Whitmarsh, is uncertain about the circuit, 'The danger is that poor old Jenson [Mrs. Whitmarsh] might get hit by a blue shell, and in the process, Lewis might sneak through to win, which will sap the morale of all the team.' Pausing for a moment, Whitmarsh added, with a sheepish grin, '...who work for Red Bull...'.
Meanwhile, the teams are looking to tap into the new market already. Hispania have announced that this bloke will be their new test driver:
Furthermore, he's been told to bring his bike- 'just in case.' Luca di Montezemelo, leader of the empty threats department at Ferrari, said 'They have built a track that favours garagistas. If this is not rectified we shall leave Formula 1... not really, I just use it as a catchphrase!' Interestingly, former 'Blue team' test driver Mr. Chips is interested in a F1 drive, and says that circuits such as this only get him further aroused.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qtM0-ZFwiNo
Furthermore, Alain Prost commented that he didn't attend the Canadian Grand Prix because he had a 'gearbox problem'
http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/motorsport/formula_one/8205524.stm (See the interviews towards the end)
Possibly overheard in the Red Bull Motorpalace during the Montreal GP rain delay...
Lewis wanders into Christian Horner's office and slumps on the chair disconsolately
CH: Yeah, no - hi Lewis, what can I do for you?
Lewis shrugs and fiddles with his drinks bottle, with his head down he mutters something..
CH: Yeah, no - what was that Lewis?
LH: (sighs heavily) I said: no-one loves me at McLaren Chris. Even my teammate won't play with me any more - I thought Jenson would do anything for me. You love me though, don't you Chris?
CH: Yeah, no - you're wonderful Lewis, of course...
LH: so can I have a go in one of your cars then?
CH looks slightly taken aback: Er...yeah, no - when were you thinking of having a go Lewis?
LH: well - how about Valencia?
CH: Yeah, no...er, I'm not sure that's possible Lewis. I don't think Seb would be too happy with that. Perhaps in a year or so?
LH throws his drinks bottle aside furiously: it's not fair! I am the chosen one - they're holding me back!
CH: Yeah, no...I'm sure Martin's doing all he can...
LH: But I have to be winning - can't they see that? It's not fair!! I want to drive one of your cars Chris - preferably the one that's got the number 1 on it...
CH: Yeah, no...sorry Lewis - that's Seb's personal private car/girlfriend hybrid. He'd never let you have a go in it/her...
LH: My girlfriend's real though - donchta wish your girlfriend was hot like mine? (titters)
CH: Yeah, no...yes Lewis, she's quite nice...
LH: So...what about a go in your other car then?
CH: Yeah, no...What other car?
LH: You know - the one driven by that batey boy from Oz?
CH: Yeah, no...I really don't know who you're talking about...
LH: So that's a no then? God - you're so mean! I hate you! (flounces arms about)
CH: Yeah, no...calm down Lewis - perhaps we can talk about this when you're feeling better?
LH: I hope Jenson thrashes you today...
CH (chuckles): Yeah, no...that'll be the day Lewis! We'll talk in a year about that go in our car though, yeah no?
LH ponces out of the office.
CH looks thoughtful for a moment before pushing the intercom button...
CH: Johnathan? Remind me who our second driver is, would you?
Lewis wanders into Christian Horner's office and slumps on the chair disconsolately
CH: Yeah, no - hi Lewis, what can I do for you?
Lewis shrugs and fiddles with his drinks bottle, with his head down he mutters something..
CH: Yeah, no - what was that Lewis?
LH: (sighs heavily) I said: no-one loves me at McLaren Chris. Even my teammate won't play with me any more - I thought Jenson would do anything for me. You love me though, don't you Chris?
CH: Yeah, no - you're wonderful Lewis, of course...
LH: so can I have a go in one of your cars then?
CH looks slightly taken aback: Er...yeah, no - when were you thinking of having a go Lewis?
LH: well - how about Valencia?
CH: Yeah, no...er, I'm not sure that's possible Lewis. I don't think Seb would be too happy with that. Perhaps in a year or so?
LH throws his drinks bottle aside furiously: it's not fair! I am the chosen one - they're holding me back!
CH: Yeah, no...I'm sure Martin's doing all he can...
LH: But I have to be winning - can't they see that? It's not fair!! I want to drive one of your cars Chris - preferably the one that's got the number 1 on it...
CH: Yeah, no...sorry Lewis - that's Seb's personal private car/girlfriend hybrid. He'd never let you have a go in it/her...
LH: My girlfriend's real though - donchta wish your girlfriend was hot like mine? (titters)
CH: Yeah, no...yes Lewis, she's quite nice...
LH: So...what about a go in your other car then?
CH: Yeah, no...What other car?
LH: You know - the one driven by that batey boy from Oz?
CH: Yeah, no...I really don't know who you're talking about...
LH: So that's a no then? God - you're so mean! I hate you! (flounces arms about)
CH: Yeah, no...calm down Lewis - perhaps we can talk about this when you're feeling better?
LH: I hope Jenson thrashes you today...
CH (chuckles): Yeah, no...that'll be the day Lewis! We'll talk in a year about that go in our car though, yeah no?
LH ponces out of the office.
CH looks thoughtful for a moment before pushing the intercom button...
CH: Johnathan? Remind me who our second driver is, would you?
Sauber reveal real reason for Perez missing Canadian Grand Prix.
Although the officialy reason given by the Sauber team for young Sergio Perez not taking part in last weekends Canadian Grand Prix was him still feeling the effects of the injury it turns out this was a cover story for what the Sauber team believed at the time to be an attempted kidnapping of their rookie driver.
"Basically after the 1st practice session Sergio went out to sign some autographs in the crowd and just didn't come back" Said Peter Sauber "We just couldn't find him anywhere"
Perez wasn't seen again until Sunday evening when one of the Sauber pit crew found him curled up and disheviled at the back of one of the trucks.
"I just found him curled up there" said Trolly pusher Amanda Hugenkiss "He was just rocking back and forth chanting Soft, Super Soft under his breath. He was really a mess"
After 2 days of rests in a top Canadian facility Perez was finally able to reveal what happened to him
"I was just signing some autographs and I went to sign one for this guy from Toronto called Ray" Said an obviously shuck up Sergio "he asked me who I thought would have won in Monoco and I said Button would have done because his tyres were better and before I know it we were arguing - he kept going on about Alonso on softs or super softs and Mclaren's bad pit crew and tyres not falling off cliffs and everything I said he just came back at me. He just wouldn't shut up"
Perez, who is still recovering in a top quality rehab session was obviously disturbed by the whole incident and was kept involved in the argument for a full 48 hours.
"I only escaped by pretending I agreed with him whilst backing away" Perez went on to say "As soon as I thought I was far enough away I shouted YOU'RE WRONG at top of my voice and ran away as fast as I could and hid. As far as I'm aware he's still there now arguing the point"
Perez is recovering slowly and whether he'll take part in the Valencia Grand Prix is not yet know.
Although the officialy reason given by the Sauber team for young Sergio Perez not taking part in last weekends Canadian Grand Prix was him still feeling the effects of the injury it turns out this was a cover story for what the Sauber team believed at the time to be an attempted kidnapping of their rookie driver.
"Basically after the 1st practice session Sergio went out to sign some autographs in the crowd and just didn't come back" Said Peter Sauber "We just couldn't find him anywhere"
Perez wasn't seen again until Sunday evening when one of the Sauber pit crew found him curled up and disheviled at the back of one of the trucks.
"I just found him curled up there" said Trolly pusher Amanda Hugenkiss "He was just rocking back and forth chanting Soft, Super Soft under his breath. He was really a mess"
After 2 days of rests in a top Canadian facility Perez was finally able to reveal what happened to him
"I was just signing some autographs and I went to sign one for this guy from Toronto called Ray" Said an obviously shuck up Sergio "he asked me who I thought would have won in Monoco and I said Button would have done because his tyres were better and before I know it we were arguing - he kept going on about Alonso on softs or super softs and Mclaren's bad pit crew and tyres not falling off cliffs and everything I said he just came back at me. He just wouldn't shut up"
Perez, who is still recovering in a top quality rehab session was obviously disturbed by the whole incident and was kept involved in the argument for a full 48 hours.
"I only escaped by pretending I agreed with him whilst backing away" Perez went on to say "As soon as I thought I was far enough away I shouted YOU'RE WRONG at top of my voice and ran away as fast as I could and hid. As far as I'm aware he's still there now arguing the point"
Perez is recovering slowly and whether he'll take part in the Valencia Grand Prix is not yet know.
