The Paper Chain

Who knows? Let's ask Christian Horner if he can take over Webber's RB7 in Japan and see how it goes.

Mr Corner
c/o The Bubblegum Fizzy Drinks Company
The Land of Roundabouts

Dear Christian

We at Clip the Apex have always respected your every utterance and think you are a really nice bloke (despite the foot tapping during every race, what are you listening to on your iPod?). Anyway, can you settle an argument for us. That Aussie bloke has been a bit crap year (yes, we know Dietrich likes him but that's only because he has compromising pictures of him and Slavia Ecclestone in a Nuns outfit) so we would like you to put Nico Rosberg into the second RB7 at Suzuka.

We are sure if you rouge his cheeks, add some spray stubble, dye his hair and give him some platform racing boots no one will notice. Let's face it his accent is less weird than Marky Mark's anyway. So, go on Christian, there's a nice bloke. I'll even buy you a can of Coke to wash away the bubblegum flavour from you mouth.

Cheers

Your every loving fan

FB

 

[teabagyokel]

Britney,

Thanks for writing, mate. Glad to see ya win at my old patch at Monaco, its even better the second time, as I keep telling Seb!

I don't see how I've turned on ya, mate; they say you never forget a mate living through trauma like the 2006 Williams, but I dunno who any other MW could be?

Anyway, wish me luck at Le Mans, apparently Fernando's starting it off, so lookin' forward to that

Mark.

 

[Jen]

Martin are you part of this or has your email been suspended?

 

[Road of Bones]

[error...error...Delivery Recipient Failure...e-mail address "Whitmarsh, Martin" (MTC.com) not found or deleted/no longer in service...suggest "Security Technician, Ingress Aperture (2nd class)" might yield a response...]

 

[RasputinLives]

Nico.

Calm down dear! Its only an email!

Love

Michael Winner.

 

[teabagyokel]

Lewis,

I think you got the wrong e-mail with your hate mail, son, I have scarcely received any messages quite so vociferous since 1988.

Nancy Reagan.

 

[RasputinLives]

To: Perez.S@VJstaxhaven.com
From: Hulkenberg.N@VJstaxhaven.com

Checo.

I hearby formerly request that we use the same strategists from now on to stop making me look like a complete numpty.

I suggest you accept this request or I will get angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

Hulk.

 

[Jen]

PS: I turn green and everything!!

 

[FB]

From the desk of Toto Wolff

Dear Keke

Plans working well, keep the cheques coming. Suzy is 50% of the way towards a seat at Williams for next year.

Toto

 

[Jen]

Dear Toto

Suzy - on the board or in the car?

Keks

 

[teabagyokel]

Dear Mr. Nasr,

We are intersted and disturbed by your success in GP2. Kindly cease and desist. This Williams drive is not for you.

Yours,

Mr Wolff

 

[Jen]

Dear Bernie

Any chance that you could inaugurate an over 35 years of age F1 series?

kind regards

Fernando, Jenson and Kimi

 

[Jen]

Sorry Bernie

Forgot to copy in Susie!

 

[teabagyokel]

Dear Fernando, Kimi and Jenson,

No I can't drive in your over 35s series because I'm 31.

Mrs. Wolff.

PS. You've not considered WEC, have you?

 

[Jen]

Thanks Susie

None of us are quite 35, although Kimi will be there later this year - but thanks for the heads up.

We all know how slow Bernie can be in instigating money-making opportunities, hence the email. Just thought that you were 'near the cusp' of age qualification, once the series is in place!

Toto might be interested in a new series and could get in on the bottom rung, so to speak - just a thought.

Fernando, Kimi and Jenson

PS: Yes, we have considered WEC - hopefully you haven't - it involves a lot of laps!

 

[teabagyokel]

Button,

Der series for der oldies ist not what Mercedes wants.

De finance for der oldies series could come from der Goodwood people.

Toto.

 

[teabagyokel]

Dear Michael Fish,

Please consider any employment at the McLaren Racing Concern terminated.

Ron Dennis.

 

[Fenderman]

From: LH
To: NR

Dear Niccy Baby,

If you can pass me do it. Otherwise let's do breakfast.

Love and bullets

Lew

 

[cider_and_toast]

FOM Inbox:

Tuesday 12 August:

Fm Lauda@Mercinfront.com RE: Congratulations 14:30 12/08/14
Fm Horner@RBRheartSeb.com RE: Never doubted it for a second 14:31 12/08/14
Fm Flavio@naughtystep.com RE: Job application 14:31 12/08/14
Fm CVC@allthecash.co.ge RE: That $100,000,000 14:32 12/08/14
Fm JeanTodt@WhosthedaddyFIA.com RE: I take it all back 14:32 12/08/14
Fm SirFrank@Stillhere.com RE: Now can you lend me that fiver 14:33 12/08/14
Fm Fernandes@fivesecondsquicker.com RE: Out of office reply 14:34 12/08/14
Fm SusieandTotto@trueromance.com RE: Party invite 14:35 12/08/14
Fm SkySportsF1@payperview.com RE: Free 12 month subscription 14:36 12/08/14
Fm BBC@50percentcoverage.com RE: happy days 14:37 12/08/14
Fm UkraineSportsminister@goeu.com RE: Generous offer to host GP 14:38 12/08/14

 

[F1Yorkshire]

From: Bernard@Eccelstone.com
To: Pista@Monzanet.it.

Bonjournio my Italian friends,

As you may have recently been aware I am undertaking a campaign promoting safer bribery driving.

Would you happen to have a large expanse of tarmac available near the final corner in order for me to project my slogan onto?

There will be a contract extension if you agree.

Most kind regards

Bernie.

 

[RasputinLives]

From: Fernando.3tenths.Alonso@Ferrari.com
To: Hisronship@MTC.com

Ron.

Now Sam Michael has gone I will sign that contract.

Have seen the blueprints for next years 'red car' this week so please let me know which photocopy shop you wish me to take them too.

Don't worry though, myself and Pedro will only talk about them in the above unbreakable code. No one will ever know.

Love and Kisses

Fernando.