Rooters News


It is with great humility and some degree of smug satisfaction that Rooters International News Peep's can accept the remarkable honour of opening a new forum on Clip The Apex.

Due to popular demand and a shed load of really creative peep's CTA are launching this wonderful new place for free expression and loose tongues. Our top hack, Fenderman, has been hunting down the contributors who will undoubtedly make this another unrivalled success for CTA.

McZiderRed said "It's a pleasure to be in collaboration with the luminaries of CTA. For example, I've been looking at Cheddar Gorge Racing for a while now. They are a strong cheese team, which goes best given a sturdy biscuit, er, base... I wouldn't mind driving for them! They don't serve Omelettes for breakfast, do they?"

Tracked down, hiding out in the penthouse suite of the Rixos Hotel, Tripoli, ace reporter Road of Bones, told us "Ron is intrigued by the idea, and has sent Martin out to gather suitable material. Sadly, the whereabouts of John Button are presently unclear, but you can bet he's primed and ready to widdle somewhere inconvenient..."

Meanwhile, we got news from our man Fab Bloke, near the FOM Bunker: The minions have learned of Clip the Apex's plan to create a sub-forum exclusively to mock their glorious leader, having visited the website yesterday on their Silver Haired Billionaires ZX Spectrum. Plans are being made for an appropriate response once they consulted their esteemed leader but they are currently busy preparing the visitors bedroom for Muammar Gaddafi.

Back in Blighty, Cider and Toast, cornered in a corner by our expert cornering hack, responding to our man's suggestion that CVR had been taken over by a Malaysian billionaire and renamed Cheddar Gorge Racing, said “Blimey, I'll have to get in touch with Cheddar Valley Racing and find out what happened to them.”

Fernando Alonso dijo, "Con de la noticias .... Lo siento. En Inglese, por favor” … “with the news coming in thick and fast, Brogan reports (from a shady house somewhere in the backstreets of Barcelona) that: Max Mosley said to the pros... “Hmm ..:thinking: ... another opportunity for a gag?” …. Then the line went down, apparently.

McZiderRed then confirmed our hack's fears about a CVR take over saying "Yes, you are right! This sounds familiar, almost a bit Lotus like. There is a tussle over the rights to the Cheddar Team name. The "Cheddar Gorge Racing" name is owned by the brother of someone or other and the "Cheddar Valley Racing" name is owned by the parent company. Maybe someone can explain further...? :unsure:."

... with anticipation building that there is so much more to come ....


Our man TeaBagYokel reports on a severe case of Montezemolo's Revenge. Following a post race party, in a bizarre incident, a team manager was decapitated accidentally by one Adrian 'Slip of the Wrist' Subtle. Practical joker, Luca Montezemotorola, is thought to have put the idea in Subtle's head, but he has denied any malice was intended. On hearing about the new CTA forum, Luca told TBY, "Comedy has always been an integral part of Scuderia Ferrari; hence why we continually employ Felipe, so we are excited by these new developments!"

Talking to ExtremeNinja, who said “Doh! I'm with Tickle anyway. Marbles or tickles for me now. Shall I be quiet and wait for the vote?” TBY sought clarification on the rumour that Grizzly has been heard muttering “Clip The Ulnar, Clip The Agency, This: From The Apex, News, Spoofs and Apex Mutterings, Calumniate The Apex, Clip The Terminological Inexactitude … “ into a button on his right cuff.

Hmm, thought TBY, "... is this why Gethinceri got a wee bit saucy with 'Clip's Unusual …' ... no I'm not going there!”

Meanwhile, Jenov enquired of McZ , “are you suggesting that my 'mad chair' is somehow synonymous with Plato's cave philosophy - if so, you are a genius; if not I fear for your sanity! This thread is our own little gem :).”

Finally, for now, on hearing of the launch of the new forum, Jos the Boss posed the question “How about Whats the weather with Jos?”. Did he feel the need to cement his position as CTA weatherman or was he just trying to write himself in? LOL If so, perhaps he has succeeded.

Welcome to Clip the Apex Presents...

BBC Writer's Room ... eat your heart out!:D

Rooters Creative (a dept. of Rooters - Proud as you like - News Group)8-)

Our CTA inside man, Fenders, reports the appointment of Fabulous Bloke to a high power administrative role in CTA's inner sanctum. As soon as FB can be extracted from the FOM Bunker and returned to these shores, he is expected to slip into his new CTA Administrator role as easily as adapting to new underwear.

CTA founder, Chairbloke and all-round luminary, Brogan said: “I'm pleased to announce that we now have a new Administrator. Please join me in welcoming FB to his new role.”
On hearing the news Jos the Boss (Probably Official CTA Weatherman) said: “Woooo well done FB! Good Luck!:cheer:.” Jenov (CTA Armchair Researcher), said ”Well done FB.” but, posed the question on everyone's lips: “does this mean you have to paint your nails and wear high heels? :D. “

TeaBagYokel (he who knows copious amounts of fact) said of FB, he is “... the obvious, and correct, choice. Congrats FB!” and Sir Galahad echoed those sentiments with a “Nice one FB :thumbsup:“ before zipping off to concentrate on Spa FP1.

However, not everyone seemed convinced with the appointment. Whether out of sarcastic wit or just simple envy, Grizzly (CTA resident Bear) exclaimed: “Damn that infectious Briatore!” ... and McZiderRed, whilst congratulating FB, queried the motivation behind the appointment, asking our Rooters Hack: “Is this another step in FB's world domination strategy...:unsure: ?”

Our Hack declines to comment, although he did admit to stockpiling a large quantity of WMD's (Word Manufacturing Devices) in preparation for FB's final push on the ruling regime. [Editor's note: Did our Hack want that left in this piece? Not sure:thinking:. Oh, I'm sure it'll be okay.]

Meanwhile, man of few words, Speshal, merely said “ :thumbsup:“...

... that's good enough for us here at Rooters HQ.

Rooters News Group HQ 8-)

Stop press: FB has sent us this message via the ether: "It's amazing what you can achieve when a certain silver haired billionaire is in your corner... " unfortunately, the ether then went dead ... We hope all is well at 'The Bunker' and that there is a way out. Start the press again ... 8-)

It's been a while since Rooters had the honour of launching this remarkable new forum so we thought we would have a look at the latest stories and remind readers to cast your eyes over tales and tit bits that you may have missed and in the process try and write a very long sentence with no commas in it to see if it can be done without breaking any grammatical rules. We will begin with an update on The Mad Chair … read on …

The Mad Chair

You will recall from one of our hottest stories that Jenov was left hanging when all hell broke loose with the uppity Mad Chair. Thanks to a shady deal in the back rooms of Auntie Beeb and BeebSkyBeeb, Mad Chair was very upset and made uncharacteristic groaning noises whilst being thoroughly un-Co-operative. Mainly because it's a chair and not a social enterprise masquerading as a supermarket for the hard pressed masses with affordable prices. We use Asdalowestpricesusually Shop. We're cheap and proud of it. Actually, we're skint but making it sound intentional is easier to bear.

Well, did Groaning Armchair Support Services turn out to help? Was Brenda Ecclesrock's FOM involved behind the scenes? Maybe we will never know but we do know this ...

Dark Side

Meanwhile, Rooters correspondent, Tellie Fenderman, is just back from Monza with a tan to die for and reports that things are getting interesting on the 'Dark Side', as if they were ever dull. BE has upset FB again and much wailing has been heard from the bunker. We think this has something to do with a lack of Renault success on the track and the occasional onset of romantic recollection of happier Benetton days with a German car jockey for warm, cuddly, post-race company. Our inside man FB (no relation or is there?) sent us this transcript – make of it what you will:

Montezemolo's Revenge

We hear from our other faithful hack, TBY, that Lucazade Montezomotorola is up to his old tricks – and possibly some new ones. However, it seems he has come unstuck. In an attempt to wrest the “Perpetrator of the Most Obviously Futile and Stupid Espionage of The Year” title from McLawrence, he has mistakenly burnt a complete Red Booll motor car. Luc' (can we call him Luc') apparently, thinking it was a photocopy stuck to cardboard and, as such, possibly documentary evidence that could wind up in the hands of the FIA - in the event that one of his drivers might get the impression that he is on the receiving end of unfair treatment possibly construable as Number Two status – stuck a cigar in it. Read the full transcript here:

and other entertaining stuff in the same thread.

Inside McLaren

Meanwhile, RoB has been extracting the Michael in the McLaren Tech' Centre as news leaks out that Sam Michael (is that the right way round? I hate it when chaps have reversible names. Are they cross-dressers? (no offence meant to folk's who like that kind of thing. Each to their own. I've got this peculiar penchant for women. Just can't work out why they don't have one for me, but that's another story, probably for when Rooters launches it's Gossip Column, 'Rooting Gossip') Sorry we digress. Anyhowsie, RoB's got it covered here Folk's:

Old Principals

Later this same week we catch up on the Old Codgers thanks to ace investigative reporter and Rooters historian, TBY. Apparently the Old Boy's are having trouble maintaining the exclusivity of the club. It seems it is being invaded by foreign chaps who feel that the old guard are being somewhat picky about “the right kind of chap”. Just wait until a black guy turns up. Bang goes the neighbourhood. Fortunately for you dear reader TBY has swiped a copy of the minutes of the most recent meeting:

Man's a credit to our profession.

Alonso's Adventures

So, where has Alonso got to lately? Thankfully we are blessed with another gifted reporter, McZiderRed, who has doggedly trailed Fernando all over the planet. In a constant state of confusion, it seems, our hero has sought the Maltese Falcon and other stuff, seemingly unaware that McZiderRed is there. Not surprising really, since McZ is a master of disguise and subterfuge. He could be right behind you and you would never know it .. although you might question your perception of the reality of being asked directions by a grizzly bear in a white suit and a Fedora ...


Talking of white suits, what has been happening with Cheddar Valley Racing. Last we heard there were rumours of a hostile take-over and mysterious renaming. Recent denials that the team were to be renamed after a small Surrey town have given way to rumours that the team will remain named after a geologically interesting west country gorge. We do hope so for this team is steeped in cheese history and our faithful hack, C and T (for there is only one) keeps us posted in his own inimitable style. Thank Clip for that.

So there we are. We at Rooters HQ hope you have enjoyed your visit and look forward to presenting another round up of the top stories from Clip the Apex Presents … the premier site for the hottest stuff and coolest dudes and dudettes on the interweb. So there.

Rooters News Group HQ 8-)
ROOTERS UPDATE ... Rooters new magazine flouts Clip The Apex Guidelines … ROOTERS UPDATE

Staff at Rootersport, Rooters ground-breaking new sports tabloid comic are in a flap. The editorial staff are pulling their hair out and Tellie Fenderman has been suspended following publication of the September issues. The creator of Rooters, who normally sits in the background with shades on blowing bubblegum, is hopping mad. But that's okay, it runs in the family, apparently. Meanwhile, Rooters legal team are frantically dissecting the Clip community rules and guidelines -

- concerned that the pseudo fictional characters inhabiting the pages of Rootersport and other Rooters publications may be too easily identified with real-life sports stars, characters and celebrities.

Rooters founder, Fenderman said, "there are young readers on Clip and whilst care is taken to avoid telling the truth, talking about real events and people or otherwise behaving in a way that suggests that Rooters has any connection with the real world, we nevertheless realise that the peep's and events in the real world influence our content. As such our legal team is concerned that we are breaking the spirit of the rules of Clip. This is deeply troubling as it affects just about everything that I have created. Now I find that Rooters, Rooting Today and Rootersport may just ... well ... suck."

We talked to Tellie Fenderman as he dangled from the Rooters office ceiling, suspended in chains and handcuffs (interestingly monogrammed "MM"). Asked why this would be any kind of big deal,Tellie told us, "Fenderman has always sought to set a high standard as an example to other peeps and as a mentor to those who seek his counsel. Unfortunately I think I may have inadvertently let the side down with my irreverent pieces."

Although no complaints have been received at Rooters a recent item here: alerted Rooters HQ to the problem. The questions for us are these:
Has Rooters sailed too close to the wind?
Are we about to breach our bows against an ice-berg of condemnation, or have we spotted the problem in the nick of time? Has Rooters taken a short cut and skipped the chicken, not once, not twice but way, way too often?

If the answers to these and other fundamental questions about life and death, origin of the species, birth of the universe ... blah, blah ... are yes, then what happens now?:thinking:

A message from Rooters Founder in Chief and Supreme Leader, Fenderman:

In the real world some perpetrators of nefarious deeds escape sanction whilst others are penalised for lesser transgressions or, worse, for no transgressions at all, Rooters News, Rooting Today, Rootersport and any subsidiaries invented now or in the future wish it to be known that we are an honourable collection of a multi-polar Fenderman. We, Fenderman, would not wish to continue to escape sanction if it is found that our humble publications are deemed to be "Top Shelf". We like Clip.

Rooters News Group HQ 8-)

Our CTA inside man, Fenders, can report the recruitment of Keke The King to the ranks of CTA's Moderation Unit.

This is welcome news to the membership and comes as a surprise only to those of us who took it for granted that he already was a Mod'. Just goes to show one should always read the label under the Avatar!

So what does this mean to members and visitors to this fine institution? First and foremost we can expect fair play and consistency in the fine tradition of CTA's Moderation Unit. It has not escaped the attention of Rooters that F1's governing bodies, race control and stewards room could do well to follow the example set by CTA. We have yet to hear an uproar about "being picked on" or "being lenient" or "being inconsistent". Having read Keke's posts since before the inception of Rooters we have no reservation in supporting Keke's appointment and wishing him well in the position.

Our ace reporter and con bloke, Tellie Fenderman, is on his way to Japan so it was left to fellow hack, Fender's, to track down CTA members for their reaction to the news. This is what he heard by stealing quotes from their congratulatory posts. Easier than phone hacking and just as much fun. Who said Rooters had principles? Not us!:D

Man of few words, when it suits him and when he's not being baited, ignored, misunderstood or otherwise cranked up, Cookinflatsix said “Great stuff Keke.”

Ray from Toronto refused to start another argument, saying “Congratualtions, Keke The King!” Now who the heck could argue with that?

Another contributor of fine pieces and challenging argument, Josh, too, kept his congratulations short and succinct, saying “Definitely not unexpected.“ Methinks, even the Spanish Inquisition should have anticipated this appointment.

Resident history buff and eminent researcher, Teabagyokel, in his own inimitable style combined congratulations with an immediate request: “You get the key to the biscuit cabinet, but we want the key to the video archive!” He quipped.

Jenov, seated comfortably in The Mad Chair had to stand up so that she could exclaim “Knock me down with a feather!” since that would not be possible had she remained seated. Later, she added “What did the 'boys' do to get you to agree?” Betraying, perhaps, her familiarity with the inner sanctum of CTA's A-listed contributors whilst reassuring us that Keke will be “a magnificent moderator.” Teabagyokel attempted to nip any conspiracy theories in the bud by saying “You don't want to know.”

Jos the Boss has been in touch with Keke and told him “I thought you already were a mod! But to quote Seb Vettel - Wooohooo, that's what I'm talking about!”

"I shall honour and cherish my duties as a moderator on the single greatest motor racing forum the internet has ever seen." :thankyou:Said Keke, adding "... and TBY, the archive's always open for you guys!" Whey, hey!!

Cider_and_toast and FB have welcomed Keke to the Mod Club. FB, however, sounded a note of caution. “You fool, you poor misguided fool!” he said, whilst Galahad piped up “Congratulations...or Best Of Luck!” Oh, oh, the voices of experience! It's like driving … no-one said it's meant to be easy!

Stop press:

Tellie Fenderman has just SMS'd from somewhere over Mount Fuji: “Keke. Warmest congratulations mate. As ever, the Moderation Unit is in safe hands.” adding “just let me know if Rootersports can bribe help you with anything so I can keep it 'edgy'. G'luck mate.“

No-one from the Spanish Inquisition was available for comment although it is thought that Tomás de Torquemada The Umpteenth (descendant of the notorious torturer) has taken an interest in the appointment.:thinking:

Rooters News Group HQ 8-)

Well known playboy, all round nice good guy, straight-shooter and erstwhile Schumacher whipping boy, Eddie "I don't mind being a No.2 as long as I get my shot" Irvine, is in the underground, under-the-carpet, behind the scenes news again.

Rooters can reveal that a new conspiracy theory is doing the rounds concerning the scurrilous treatment of Mr Irvine during his tenure as support act at Ferrari Scuderia to the current Formula One G.O.A.T. Herr Michael Schumacher. It is suggested that in the 1999 F1 WDC campaign, Mr Irvine was denied a set of spanking new tyres in the European Grand Prix. Other stunts allegedly included suspiciously slow pit stops whilst his crew took unusually long tea breaks at inappropriate times, distorting the results of seat fittings and fitting poorly designed and/or maladjusted seat belts.

However, a press release, which has never before seen the light of day, contains an explicit rebuttal of these allegations. So, having scurrilously ramped up the temperature of this conspiracy we at Rooters feel it is our duty to reproduce said press release below. Not only that, we feel particularly honoured that it was addressed specifically to ourselves. That just doesn't happen every day.
Hi Rooters News,

I would like to put out a press release from the Scuderia Ferrari press office:

There is no truth in the rumour that we deliberately screwed Eddie Irvine's charge at the 1999 World Title by costing him points in ways that included not giving him any tyres in the European Grand Prix.

Ferrari head Luca di Montezemelo said "Its not true. There's no evidence, and there's no use looking!"

Hope you can comply,

Head of PR,
Scuderia Ferrari
Rooters ace and equally disreputable reporter, Tellie Fenderman, has found a very useful source that gives a regular insight into Montezemolo's inner sanctum. He can highly recommend a visit to this source and has no qualms about giving it away to all and sundry. You can find it here:

Rooters News (A division of Rooters News Group HQ, Ink Blot) 8-)
ROOTERS UPDATE ... Mr and Mrs Cider and Toast New Addition Edition … ROOTERS UPDATE


Rooters News, well known for missing deadlines, stories and scoops did it again.

Cider and Toast announced back in May, that Mr and Mrs C and T were to become three! We at Rooters seem to have gone through the year blissfully unaware that this was happening.

Members of that venerable interweb phenomenon, Clip the Apex, are like a great big extended family, so when they hear about the imminent arrival of a mini-member they, naturally, get all excited and show their nice, cuddly, soft sides. These emotions are amply displayed here:

All of us here in Fenderman's head and at Rooters News wish to add our softer, Yin side to proffer our warmest congratulations to the fruitful and soon to be sleep deprived but seriously happy Cider and Toast family. There is nothing greater in the world than the dawn of a new life and knowing that you had something significant to do with it. Nice one, we say!

Six days and counting. Rooters News will not miss this one. Unless we are asleep again. Just in case we apologise now since we can always retract our apology later.

The very best wishes and loads of luck from Tellie and the chaps at Rooters.

Rooters News (A division of Rooters News Group HQ, Ink Blot) 8-)
ROOTERS UPDATE ... Mr and Mrs Cider and Toast New Additional Addition Edition … ROOTERS UPDATE


Things are getting very tense here at Rooters Head Office. Boss Editor in Chief Fenderman is pacing back and forth, Rad Booton is wondering what he's got himself into and I am munching cheddar and onion crisps. Tomorrow is the big day. If all goes according to plan we will be celebrating the coming of the Cider and Toast child.

The tension is remarkable. Not since we inside Fenderman conceived Rooters News and found ourselves charged with launching Clip The Apex Presents has the weight of responsibility borne so mightily upon our shoulders. Sometime in the next 24 hours Mr. and Mrs. C&T will announce their new arrival. Only then will we be able to stop pacing back and forth.

"Why the **** are you pacing back and forth?" we hear you ask. Well we are wrestling with the thought that someone else might get the scoop before us, that's why! Rooters and we are rooting for Mr, Mrs and Baby Cider and Toast!

More best wishes, and good luck for Mrs C&T from Tellie and the chaps at Rooters.

Rooters News (A division of Rooters News Group HQ, Ink Blot) 8-)
ROOTERS UPDATE ... Mr and Mrs Cider and Toast New Additional Additional Addition Edition … ROOTERS UPDATE

Sorry, just an update from the nervous Editor's Office additional edition. This is a transcript of a recording from our bug in his room. Note: there may be errors in the transcription due to vary loud background noises that sound suspiciously like a small squad of troopers on parade in a confined space.:

Nervous Editor: "Any news, Booton?"
Even more nervous Rad Booton: "N n n n n n n n, no s s s s s sir."
Ed: "AND WHY NOT ???!!!"
RB: "Jus, jus, j, just isn't su, su, sir"
Ed: "Hrumph"
RB: "Um, er, can I suggest a little less, um pacing back and forth sir ...?"
Ed: "Huh? And why would you do that, Booton?
RB: "Er, um, I'm sorry sir, but, um, the ceiling on the floor below is in imminent danger of collapse, sir."
Ed: "What's that got to do with us? It's only The Daily Mail! They don't work for Rooters do they?
RB: "Um, no sir, but, but may I suggest that we might not want to, well, join them, shall we say, um, somewhat suddenly and without an invitation?"

Note: A strange creaking noise, crunch and crackle is now heard on the recording prior to what seems to have been a loss of reception.

We are trying to establish contact with the Editor to find out if there is any news of the impending Cider and Toast child. In the meantime we continue to think good thoughts and wishes, and luck to Mr & Mrs Cider and Toast and to baby C&T for a safe arrival.

The very best wishes, and good luck for Mr & Mrs C&T from Tellie and the chaps at Rooters.

Rooters - It's getting tense here - News (A division of Rooters News Group HQ, Ink Blot) 8-)
ROOTERS UPDATE ... Mr and Mrs Cider and Toast New Additional Additional Additional Addition Edition … ROOTERS UPDATE

Rooters HQ has gone into hyperdrive! Rad Booton has gazumped Tellie Fenderman and got the latest from Mr Cider and Toast. Nervous Editor has long since disappeared in a pile of rubble down on the third floor, having paced through floors seven, six, five and four.
Our bug picked up these murmurings from below:

Nervous Editor: "Groan, moan … any news, Booton?"
Not so nervous Rad Booton: "YESSIREE."
Ed: "groan, moan, ouch, ow, WHAT?!"
RB: "Yes, sir. I got an interview"
Ed: "Good …. groan …. moan...."
RB: "I'll type it up ..."
Ed: "Huh? Oh … moan … yes …. you do that, Booton."

Mysteriously, Nervous Editor seems to have gone quiet again. Possibly wondering why he has been left to rot under the debris for a week. It's not that we at Rooters don't like our boss. That's not it at all. It's about Health & Safety since we are none of us in the construction industry (not any more, anyway).

Tellie Fenderman, Acting Head Honcho at Rooters HQ

Meanwhile Rad Booton has been talking to Mr Cider and Toast...

Rad Booton: “So Mr Toast, can you tell us how it's going with Mrs Toast and the new chap or chappess?”
Mr Cider and Toast: “The wifey is now in hospital overnight as the little blighter is taking it's time to come out.”
RB: "So what are you doing now Mr C?"
Mr CaT: “I'm now back at home and am having to wait at the end of a phone for the call to say come back in, as it's on it's way.”
RB: "... and how are you coping with the tension?"
Mr CaT: “Ah the wait is long the nails are short.”
RB: ".Well. Mr Cider and Toast. thank you for your time and we here wish you and Mrs Cider and Toast and baby C&T all the very best and lots of luck. I can tell you that Nervous Editor is beside himself downstairs with all of the tension."

Keep up to date with developments here:

The very best wishes, and good luck for Mr & Mrs C&T from Tellie and the chaps at Rooters.

Rooters - It's been tense here all week - News (A division of Rooters News Group HQ, Ink Blot) 8-)
ROOTERS UPDATE ... Mr and Mrs Cider and Toast New Addition Edition … ROOTERS UPDATE


At last Rooters News Corp' and Clip the Apex can breathe out!

Baby Daniel Jack Lawes was born this morning at 5.37. Both baby and mother are doing great.” Said proud father Cider and Toast as he announced the arrival of Baby Daniel Jack.

What more can we say but welcome to the world young Dan. we look forward to reading your first post in about two and half years time!

Congratulations to Mr & Mrs Cider & Toast and Best wishes for a great future to Daniel Jack from Fenderman (Dave) and Rooters News.


Rooters News Baby Watch Division.
ROOTERS NEWS - While We wait For Something To Happen In F1 Edition

November 2011 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------Page One


It's been a strange couple of weeks here at Rooters News HQ. Nervous Editor is in hospital now suffering from multiple crush injuries, fractures, lacerations and bruising. This is due to his obnoxious habit of carrying the entire world upon his shoulders. More specifically, having paced about the office whilst awaiting news of the advent of The Cider and Toast Child, he single footedly destroyed several floors of the Press Empire Building in Fleet of Foot Street, Loondon.

Thus it has fallen to me, Tellie Fenderman, being of sounder mind yet more fragile body, to assume the reigns as Acting Editor in Chief. Regular Rooters readers will by now have heard the great news that Daniel Jack has been welcomed into the world. Nervous Editor will be greatly relieved that his crumpled body has not been crumpled in vein. Um, vain. We await the first pictures which we are likely to see here:



Nothing much to write about at the moment as we await the penultimate round of the Finalised In Advanced Formula Wonderful World Championship at Abu Dhabi. The main development of interest comes from reports of Fewwawi's lastest threat to withdraw from the sport. Our source at Montezemololololo's retreat, Teabagyokel, has posted his latest transcript from the bug in the office:

Jenov has been reunited with her Mad Chair and things seem to be progressing smoothly although Mad Chair appears to have gained an extreme level of self-confidence and bravado. We at Rooters HQ hope that Jenov can maintain control in the household. Her latest report is to be found on her threadsite here:

Biscuits and Marmite

It is an indicator of the times that members of that venerable interweb phenomenon, Clip The Apex, have been forced to discuss biscuits and marmite: Oh, and of course Lewisham Hamburgerman's helmet. One would be forgiven for thinking that the summer break has extended with the last two races being little more than busman's holidays.

There are only three truly important things in the Cosmos. One is the coming of a new life and another is Formula Wonderful. With little to talk about arising from the meetings in Korea and India we have turned our attention to that other most important thing … our stomachs. It is a measure of the integrity, steadfastness and diligence of the membership of Clip that we take time out to devote attention to those most critical of issues. I refer of course to the Marmite Question and the Best Biscuit to Dunk Question.

These are serious matters. In the Marmite question we have the eternal conflict in the nature or nurture debate. I mean, are we born to love Marmite or is loving Marmite a learned behaviour? The debate is in full flood and there is a Galloping Great Opinion poll here:

Which biscuit to dunk? What to do with biscuits? What to dunk them in? This is heady stuff. By law, in the UK, workers are entitled to a lunch break (unpaid) and two ten minute tea breaks (one morning and one afternoon). In the kit of every serving member of the armed forces there is a packet of biscuits. Yes! That is the importance of the biscuit and it cannot be underestimated. Clip members are right now giving us the answers to these culinary conundrums right here, right now:

Tellie Fenderman and Rad Booton
Rooters Intermission News (a division of 'If you don't know by now you will forever be')8-)
ROOTERS NEWS - While We wait For Something To Happen In F1 2nd Edition
April 2012 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------Page One


Fenderman has kindly invited me to write the editorial for this second special space filling edition of Rooters News. Recently, whilst getting carried away writing lots of stuff in Clip The Apex he, in foolhardy fashion, promised some special feature articles about his friends on this venerable forum-site. Since he wishes to write the first one as himself and not one of his many multi-polar head inhabitants it is I, Rad Booton, who gratefully accepts the honour of introducing the first piece.

So, who would be the logical, sensible choice to be our inaugural feature article peep? It’s a no brainer. There can be only one candidate and, of course, it is he, Brogan, about whom Fenderman writes. Now ... read on.

Rad. Rooters News (Fenderman’s Head Department)



Site founder and liberator of those who desperately sought a forum to join where discussions consist of intelligent conversation and debate. A place to escape to, away from the threads and blogs dominated by thoughtless and abusive ramblings of the WUMs and spammers.

Once on the verge of selling his beloved creation because of some undesirable refugees from another unmentionable place, he has hung on in there. With the help of his chums in the staff canteen he has kept the site grounded and true to it’s purpose.

His is a tough position. Captain of a great ship, always at the mercy of the elements, he has managed to steer a course other erstwhile captains have missed. Some have taken their vessels, bumped into outcrops and fallen over. Some have raced on with their bow doors fully open. Others have steamed full ahead into their proverbial icebergs. But this is a safe ship. Not unsinkable since no ship is immune to the outside forces that threaten to wash aboard and fill the holds. No it is safe because it is in the hands of a sound captain and able crew.

Bro’ is a family man of good humour and grounded values. A wee bit to the right of Rooters but we love him anyway because we don’t give a toss what a man’s political persuasions are. It is who he is and what he does that is the measure of the man. The astute among us will recognise his humour and smart switch hitting as he strives to keep threads grounded and on course. Like any good captain he will crack the whip with a barbed tip if one really oversteps the line.

It is no exaggeration to say that the entire fictional empire of Rooters News Incorporated owes its entire existence to Brogan and Clip The Apex without whom I doubt very much I would have thought it up, let alone split my personality into a number of different fictional news reporting characters.

So, thank you Brogan and Clip. Sail on.:goodday:

Editors note: This year sees the 100th anniversary of the fateful voyage of RMS Titanic, so apologies to the relatives of the lost for our use of the analogy and our sympathies in remembrance.

The Fenderman, Rooters Intermission News (a division of 'If you don't know by now you will forever be confused.comedy')8-)
ROOTERS NEWS - While We wait For Something To Happen In F1 2nd Edition
April 2012 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------Page Two


Well. Who should be next to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous exposure? Some say he keeps a Busby under his bed in case he needs an Afro’ in a hurry and that his girlfriend wears the kilt. All we know is that he is called Slyboogy.

Fenderman 1. Rooters News (Fenderman’s Head Department)



A cheeky chappie from the bonnie bit on top of these fair islands, Slyboogy is the young fellow who has a penchant for dropping those one-liners others fear to use. Running his posts right up to the white line, narrowly avoiding spinning off into the gravel, he has that knack of just winding you up to the point where you just have to laugh.

Yes, one of the most annoyingly entertaining blokes on Clip. Annoying because just when you think “yes, good point ...” he messes with your head with a mischievous jape. When you’re in a good mood, you laugh until your sides hurt, but if your favourite for a race has stuffed it up and you’re a bit miffed it’s all too easy to bite. Do that and you’re sunk! Sly’ isn’t Sly’ for nothing and he’ll boogie over your posts all day if you don’t grab hold of your senses.

Make no mistake, this guy is as sharp as a katana and his wit can slice the wings off of a gnat without killing it.

So, thank you for the entertainment, Slyboogy, and never pick up a caber you can’t toss.:goodday:

Tele Fenderman, Rooters Intermission News (a division of 'If you don't know by now you will forever be confused.comedy')8-)
Dateline 27th April 2012

Something very odd happened today. Tellie Fenderman awoke from a fitfull sleep. Rolling and tumbling through the night, dreaming about Artificial Intelligence taking over the entire planet. What's wrong with that, you may ask. A heck of a lot of stuff is wrong with that. "Hands off Clip!!" I shout. A sneaky AI interloper decides that it prefers WUM content over stories from The Mad Chair or tales from The Bunker. It's okay, though, I woke up. Wiping the sweat from my brow I rush to the terminal and hastily log on.

I'm forgetting somethnig but as I've forgotten it I don't know what it is. Signing into Clip the Apex I see an alert. Someone has liked my post in Server Move Planned. Hmm:thinking: , can't remember what I posted. So I take a look. That's odd. Seem to be getting around rather swiftly. Can't be many people on line. Oh, that's interesting - "If you can read this ..".

AHA!!! That's what it is. New server ... we're there already! Stone me that was slick work. Mike, and I assume Canis, has been beavering away behind the scenes and with barely a murmur he has made it happen. Now, I can't profess to have experienced a great many server moves but those I have experienced have been fraught with problems. Incompatibilities, glitches, mistakes. You name it I've seen plenty of that. Not this time, apparently.

Having been scooting around it is clear that they've gone about this in the very best of ways. I don't know how much work has gone on behind the scenes but I know this. When the techies have come in to upgrade or replace our servers at the office the following fortnight is a nightmare.

So :goodday:hats off to the team that made this happen because Rooters News, Rootersport and Rooting Today only live on Clip. Indeed, Clip and it's members are the inspiration and reason for its being. Whether or not one is a regular reader of this fictional News Corp entity, one will certainly appreciate the importance of that statement.

All of the fictional characters in my head actually only exist on Clip. Nevertheless, we all thank you for the privilege of being part of this wonderful forum and the Clip the Apex family...

... and a huge thanks to canis and Mike and everyone else involved in that great piece of work.

The Fenderman, Rooters Fictional News Agency (a division of Clip the Apex)8-)
Mr and Mrs KekeTheKing New Addition Edition … ROOTERS UPDATE

There is an old, old expression that expresses how much can be expressed with an image that cannot be expressed in even a consummate number of words. So much so that songwriters, authors poets and holy Joe knows who, have used the expression almost endlessly to express something or other about stuff one really wants to express something about. Well, having uselessly used the word expression a ridiculous number of times for no other reason than to keep you waiting for the actual titbit of news, which of course because we are ROOTERS NEWS, is already too late but, hey! We never claim to be punctual! So here it is the news ...


... and the news is THIS IS PRINCESS KEKETHEKING! Now, does that picture not say a thousand words?

Mr & Mrs KekeTheKing
from ROOTERS NEWS and everyone in Fenderman's Head

The Fenderman, Rooters Fictional News Agency (a division of Clip the Apex)8-)
Clip the Apex Fourth Anniversary Edition
Wow! What a busy couple of weeks we’ve just had for birthdays! Not only have we had a whole load of peep’s celebrating being a year older than they were already but with the birth of Princess ‘Keke’ we got a completely new peep!

But, hold your horses, we’ve got another very important anniversary to celebrate and I’m not talking about that right Royal fuss that’s going on right now. No that is small beer in the anniversary stakes. About the only thing significant about that is that a whole load of folk’s still believe in fairy tales.

No the anniversary I am talking about is that of the founding of Clip The Alex by Brogan and whoever he had to help him get it going.

Make no mistake, Brogan set himself a unique and monumental challenge. He set out to start a forum that broke away from the tradition that is so pervasive elsewhere and create a forum where people actually discuss, debate and share knowledge and experience about motor sport - as opposed to hand-grenading each other with the tired adversarial and personalised clap-trap. In the main Brogan and the CTA staff team have succeeded in their battle to control the dark-side of foruming.

Having sampled many other forums, Fenderman still thinks this is the best and the only motor sport forum worth writing for, or on. So, Rooters and Everyone In Fenderman’s Head (EIFH) wishes Clip The Apex and Brogan all the very best and very many happy returns on this

:birthday:of :birthday:

The Fenderman, Rooters Fictional News Agency (a division of Clip the Apex)8-)
Disclaimer Time
The ROOTERS NEWS OUTFIT is unashamedly republican. However, our mission is to be a pathetically bad attempt at being a poor low rent publication. We also believe in evolution NOT revolution. If a bunch of peep’s successfully want live in the past and are allowed to by a largely supine electorate then so be it. So long as they don’t rain on our parade we won’t rain on theirs. That is why Rooters and everyone in Fenderman’s head believe that Clip the Apex, it’s staff and members are more important and newsworthy than the Royal Family.
Fenderman's 3,000th "liked post" Edition
Blow me down with an Exhaust Blown Diffused feather duster. Courtesy of mjo, I have just accumulated 3,000 likes on this incredible forum

Rooters Fictional News Corp hereby awards
the Rooters Tri-Gold Cup award
in recognition of his impeccable timing and gracious support and appreciation of posts by Fenderman
00000000 :1st::1st::1st: 00000000
from ROOTERS NEWS and everyone in Fenderman's Head
The Fenderman, Rooters Fictional News Agency (a division of Clip the Apex)8-)
In Other News New Addition Edition … ROOTERS UPDATE
A Grand Daughter is born
Stone me! More news just in - well a little while ago earlier today. Bill Boddy's daughter in law has brought another little body, or should that be Boddy, into the world. So...
and family from
ROOTERS NEWS and everyone in Fenderman's Head
The Fenderman, Rooters Fictional News Agency (a division of Clip the Apex)8-)
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