2013 Podium Interviews


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So, the podium interviews have been an, ahem, great success in 2012. :no:

Anyway, who will do the 2013 podium interviews. Lets have a look at who it could/should be...

AUSTRALIA Melbourne is always a great starting point to the season, but it doesn't allow the drivers to keep too comfortable. Therefore, on that note, the podium interviews should be conducted by Dame Edna Everage, whose line of questioning could reduce the most media-savvy of drivers to gibbering wrecks.
So, possums, you've spent all that time in your little cars going around our little track. Why?

MALAYSIA There aren't any Malaysian F1 superstars really, and the need for neutrality rules out Caterham boss Tony Fernandes. If there was any chance of Caterham ever finishing anywhere near the podium, that is?
Fernando, how difficult was it for you to lap the Air Asia Team Caterham cars?

CHINA China is a nation of more than a billion people, none of which have any connection with motorsport. So, thinking outside the box, going fast in China is associated quite often with one Usain Bolt, who may ask more interesting questions than Jacky Ickx.
Sebastian, where d'you come up with that half-assed celebration?

BAHRAIN F1's reputation will take another battering as it stands if the Bahrain GP goes ahead, but Bernie is a little cleverer than that. What if the Bahrain GP was a force for good. What if the podium interviews could be an excuse to smuggle in Salil Shetty, Secretary-General of Amnesty International.
How does it feel to be complicit in the deaths of thousands?

SPAIN All football fans will be amazed that there is very little passing in Barcelona. With their footballers kings of the world, the city is bound to send out one of its heroes to F1. Gerard Pique, or Mr. Shakira, might just be the ticket.
So, Lewis, how does Nicole compare to Shakira?

MONACO Monaco is a place of the extremely rich and bedded into the Formula One culture. Quite like Bernie Ecclestone, then! And he did "compete" in the 1958 Monaco GP, so who better?
Jenson, does this result prove Ferrari were wrong in their dispute with the FOM?

CANADA A proud country which totally wants to make the world aware it is not America II, preferably by not embarrassing itself. Since Jacques Villeneuve would be too embarassing, maybe William Shatner would be able to take F1 to Warp 6.
Nico. How does it... feel... to be standing... here on... the podium... in Canada?

NEW JERSEY So they need a New Yorker, to prove this race is actually the New York Grand Prix. A legend of sport like John McEnroe would suffice, especially since he's a broadcaster anyway...
Mark, how do you feel about that room of jackass stewards costing you victory today?

GREAT BRITAIN F1 has a tradition, much of it resides in the United Kingdom. And there's nothing the British public like more than laughing at hilarious cock-ups, so it has to be Murray Walker.
A great win for your McLaren team, Lewis...

GERMANY The Berlin wall fell in 1989, with David Hasselhoff cashing in on the fact he happened to be there at the time by singing in freedom. He's still popular in Germany, remarkably.
I tell you Fernando, I've seen prettier things in red and slow-motion!

HUNGARY The implausable selection of Placido Domingo as interviewer in 2012 suggests that they'll give the slot to anyone who happens to be there. With the Finns all there, Mika Hakkinen would be a good call.
Kimi, happy? Yes.

BELGIUM Well, anyone is better than Jacky Ickx, no? The selection procedure was Bernie asking minions to name famous Belgians, with Jean Claude Van Damme winning the battle.
It was difficult in the rain, Romain, but have you ever been so cold to freeze your jeans to you?

ITALY 2013 will be a landmark year, when F1 stops pretending that 11 of the teams actually matter to the Monza crowd and gives Luca di Montezemelo the mike.
Describe the glory of Ferrari, Fernando.

SINGAPORE A night race could be the excuse for a load bearing pun on the word Knight. Originally, they were to be Knight Riders, but they weren't letting Germany happen again so invited Sir Sean Connery who's always happy to turn up when Scottish sportsmen will probably do well.
Sho, Paul, how hash your wonderful Shcottishh upbringing led to your shucsheshsh in thish Shingapore Grand Prix?

KOREA Considering the actual likelihood of anyone seeing the podium interviews at Yeongam is nearly naught, they could get anyone in. Therefore, Niki Lauda will still be the default option.
Sergio, how does it feel to race here in front of these beautiful, erm, empty seats?

Taki Inoue said:
Suzuka chose Alesi to do the podium interview instead of me. I have already bought my special extinguisher for it. Very rude, aren't they?
Indeed, Taki Inoue, they are!

INDIA What the Indian GP in India, India, INDIA needs is some true talent to reach the stage. Some Indian talent. Therefore, Dev from Coronation Street (Jimmi Harkishin) is clearly the man for the moment!
But have you thought about my feelings? I'm off to play golf.

ABU DHABI Clearly, it needs to be someone connected to the excessive wealth of Abu Dhabi. And spotted at the Abu Dhabi GP last year was Man City's manager, Roberto Mancini, who can promote the oil-rich emirate at this moment.
So, you're 25 points behind Sebastian, surely the title for you is finish?

TEXAS Texas is a very proud place, and very proud of its own success stories. Therefore, George W. Bush is clearly the man who is a microcosm of America, proud, free and born in New England.
You are doing battle with other teams and drivers? Did you find WMD 'cos I sure didn't.

BRAZIL It might be Pele. I'm sure it could be Pele. Well, Pele couldn't make it, the obvious candidate died in 1994, so send his nephew, Bruno Senna.
Is this third place better than millions of dollars from Embratel for the team, Valteri?
For Melbourne I suggest Skippy the bush kangaroo.

To the winner of the race he would say:

"tishk sisht sislk phiskk ticktick idkd!"

And the driver would say:

"Okay so little Timmy has fallen down a mine shaft and broken his leg so you want me to get some rope and follow you, but don't you think it would be better if you asked me about the race first?"
For Korea surely it should be this guy?


Wop, wop, wop, wop, <mumble> Gangnam style. Ayyyyyyy, sexy lady, etc.

And yes, that is 388 million views on that video after less than 3 months... :o
Only if the get the drivers to join him in the dance moves on the podium. Now that would be worth watching.
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