Welcome to the Inaugral Teabagyokel F1 Awards ceremony. I hope you like the people you're sitting next to, and let these not entirely serious awards begin:
Biggest overreaction: Everyone for writing off the year after the Bahrain Grand Prix. Was one race too early to write a season off? Of course it was.
Giancarlo Fisichella award for winning the first race but not the Championship: Fernando Alonso
Statisticians' award for winning the Italian GP but not the Championship: Fernando Alonso
Biggest 'bolt from the blue' result of the year: Nico Hulkenburg for sitting on pole in Brazil. Where the hell did that come from?
Backmarkers award for being 9 seconds down at the first race: HRT
Markus Winkelhock award for disappearing without trace: USF1, remember that the three new teams should actually have been 4.
Sakon Yamamoto award for turning up mid-season and pottering about the back a bit: Sakon Yamamoto
Most ridiculous DNF of the year: Lucas di Grassi for crashing on the lap-to-grid in Japan.
Most irritating trend of the year: Third drivers getting Friday morning outings. I know this has been going on for a while now, but I don't get why you pull a driver who's actually going to race on Sunday to give Fairuz Fauzy or Paul di Resta time in the car that they're never going to drive. There is end of year testing for that sort of thing, fellas.
Award for daftest design error of the year: Virgin for a not big enough fuel tank. That's fundamental guys!
Mika Hakkinen award for winning the Championship despite stupid errors: Sebastian Vettel
Award for repeating mistakes: Mark Webber, injured in a mountain bike accident? Again!?
Jean-Louis Schlesser award for losing a win in the most ludicrous manner: Sebastian Vettel in Turkey
Michael Schumacher award for unpunished chicane cutting: Michael Schumacher and Nico Hulkenburg
Misguided comeback award: Michael Schumacher
Ayrton Senna award for most agressive driver: Kamui Kobayashi
Super Aguri award for services to Japaneseness: Kamui Kobayashi
Alessandro Nannini award for picking up the pieces of inter-team collision: Lewis Hamilton
Bletchley Park Award for Best Code: Rob Smedley
Award for actually wanting to race whilst everyone else chickened out: Lewis Hamilton
Andrea de Cesaris award for crashing cars: Vitaly Petrov
Award for most ludicrous excuse: Vitaly Petrov for "testing how wet the kerbs were"!
Award for a good point in an obnoxious way: Ferrari's "wave of hypocracy"
Award for commercially exploiting even your own misfortune: Bernie Ecclestone
Simtek award for changing drivers indiscriminately: HRT
You're not Lotus award: Renault & Lotus
and finally...
Team Radio of the Year: Not Bad For A Number 2 Driver!
Anything else you think should be rewarded? Happy New Year?
Biggest overreaction: Everyone for writing off the year after the Bahrain Grand Prix. Was one race too early to write a season off? Of course it was.
Giancarlo Fisichella award for winning the first race but not the Championship: Fernando Alonso
Statisticians' award for winning the Italian GP but not the Championship: Fernando Alonso
Biggest 'bolt from the blue' result of the year: Nico Hulkenburg for sitting on pole in Brazil. Where the hell did that come from?
Backmarkers award for being 9 seconds down at the first race: HRT
Markus Winkelhock award for disappearing without trace: USF1, remember that the three new teams should actually have been 4.
Sakon Yamamoto award for turning up mid-season and pottering about the back a bit: Sakon Yamamoto
Most ridiculous DNF of the year: Lucas di Grassi for crashing on the lap-to-grid in Japan.
Most irritating trend of the year: Third drivers getting Friday morning outings. I know this has been going on for a while now, but I don't get why you pull a driver who's actually going to race on Sunday to give Fairuz Fauzy or Paul di Resta time in the car that they're never going to drive. There is end of year testing for that sort of thing, fellas.
Award for daftest design error of the year: Virgin for a not big enough fuel tank. That's fundamental guys!
Mika Hakkinen award for winning the Championship despite stupid errors: Sebastian Vettel
Award for repeating mistakes: Mark Webber, injured in a mountain bike accident? Again!?
Jean-Louis Schlesser award for losing a win in the most ludicrous manner: Sebastian Vettel in Turkey
Michael Schumacher award for unpunished chicane cutting: Michael Schumacher and Nico Hulkenburg
Misguided comeback award: Michael Schumacher
Ayrton Senna award for most agressive driver: Kamui Kobayashi
Super Aguri award for services to Japaneseness: Kamui Kobayashi
Alessandro Nannini award for picking up the pieces of inter-team collision: Lewis Hamilton
Bletchley Park Award for Best Code: Rob Smedley
Award for actually wanting to race whilst everyone else chickened out: Lewis Hamilton
Andrea de Cesaris award for crashing cars: Vitaly Petrov
Award for most ludicrous excuse: Vitaly Petrov for "testing how wet the kerbs were"!
Award for a good point in an obnoxious way: Ferrari's "wave of hypocracy"
Award for commercially exploiting even your own misfortune: Bernie Ecclestone
Simtek award for changing drivers indiscriminately: HRT
You're not Lotus award: Renault & Lotus
and finally...
Team Radio of the Year: Not Bad For A Number 2 Driver!
Anything else you think should be rewarded? Happy New Year?