Which Numbers - A Teabagyokel Prediction


Valued Member
BE: As you know, I have called you here to decide which numbers I will plaster all over your FOM merchand-, erm... you will use on your race cars.

CH: Yeah, no, erm... and cans of energy drink.

BE: What are you doing here?

CH: Yeah, no, erm... Adrian is busy repairing Seb, so I'm covering.

BE: Whatever. So as you know numbers are decided by 2013 Championship order. So first to pick is Seb Vettel.

CH: Yeah, no, erm... 1?

BE: OK, but what number when he loses the title?

CH: Yeah, no, erm... I think he'd want 69. For Kinky Kylie. But he won't lose the title.

BE: Riiiiight...

CH: Yeah, no, erm... yeah.

BE: Fernando.

FA: A very espeshial number for me is 8. My first race win and my first race win for Ferrari.

BE: Good. Good choice. Mark. Oh, wait, he's retired. Fool. Should never do that. Lewis.

LH: For sure, man, great idea. Go with a well cool 12 like Senna in 1988. That was a cool season, man. Frickin' awesome.

BE: Like my ideas. Kimi?

KR: I don't give a shit.

BE: Come on, you must have some idea.

KR: I don't give a shit.

LH: Man, who's your hero? James Hunt. Frickin' awesome the way he commentated on Senna. Have his title number!

KR: 11. But I still don't give a shit.

BE: Thank God, if I was mortal I could have died in that conversation. Nico.

NR: Dad's 6.

BE: Cute. Romain?


Where is he?

In fact, there's no-one here from Lotus, is there?

KR: They were trying to leave the office when Pastor crashed into them all. Maybe someone should punch him in the face.

BE: Is there someone French in here?

JBi: Oui. Romain j'aime le dix.

BE: Good enough for me.


RS: Now think about this, Felipe, we don't want a rash choice.

FM: For sure, I will take 28. It is Rob's birthday.

RS: I'm touched, mate. I'm touched. Well done.

BE: Jenson?

JB: Five. Alive. Jive. Survive.

BE: Stop him, minions before he makes another Head & Shoulders advert!

JB: Santander could launch a 0.5% current account and call it the Jenson!

BE: My God. Hulk?

NH: 11.

BE: Kimi had that!

NH: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT? OK, OK. How about 2, it'll make it feel like I drive for a top team!

BE: Checo?

SP: 47.

BE: Any reason why?

SP: The year Telmex was founded.

BE: OK, fair enough. Now, di Resta - he's buggered off, I wonder what the world's most boring number is? Oh no, that'd be Sutil's, wouldn't it? Danny?

CH: Yeah, no, erm... I think Ricciardo...

BE: You again?

CH: Yeah, no, erm... Danny is with Helmut in the re-education suite, he's not with Toro Babies any more.

BE: What do you think?

CH: Yeah, no, erm... well if Seb ever lost the title, thank Adrian that won't happen, but he'd still have to be superior to Danny, although in all appearances not by much. Yeah, no, erm... he'd have to go with 70, I think, Bernie.

BE: Has he stopped talking?

CH: Yeah, no, erm... I said 70.

BE: Right. OK, JEV.

JEV: 50,000. As in leagues.

BE: Is that less than 100.

JEV: I'll go 50 then, boss.

CH: Yeah, no... excellent choice, JEV, you don't need to be above 69 because you'll never dri-, erm..., I mean you've got the potential to overhaul Seb.

BE: Is Gutierrez even driving in F1 any more?

PS: It is as yet undecided.

BE: Well, that's interesting as usual, Peter. Where's Monisha?

PS: She is running the team.

BE: Right. Wish I hadn't asked. Bottas?

VB: 89. Year of birth, sir.

BE: Pastor crashed into the entire Lotus convoy. What do you think he'd like?

LH: Frickin' loon. Probably shouldn't have a frickin' car.

JB: How about car 00?

LH: What you frickin' talking about Jenson?

JB: He's dastardly and a bit of a di-

BE: OK. I'll give Pastor the number 93, because that's the millions of dollars he pays Lotus to keep him in F1... nice, Jules?

JBi: J'adore le numero vingt-sept.

FA: Who's good books are you trying to get in?

BE: Max?

MC: 19. The number of races I managed to successfully finish in my triumphant d├ębut year.

BE: You do know you were so slow three other people finished more laps than you?

MC: It is irrelevant, to my success.

BE: Two of them were in bloody McLarens. Kovalainen? Oh, I'll wait for Caterham to get their finger out and announce someone. So who's left? Constructors' order now, I suspect. Kevin?

KM: My Dad's old Stewart number in his completed season. 23.

FA: And his finishing position out of 22!

KR: He was shit.

FA: Don't explain the joke, Kimi!

BE: Sergiy?

VP: He not here. Putin represent interests.

BE: Are you authorised to do that?

VP: Who going to stop me? Sirotkin will take 52, year of glorious birth of Putin.

BE: And Kyvat?

VP: Putin choose number for Kyvat.

CH: Yeah, no, erm... he now belongs to the Red Bull corporation and thus I will choose his number.

VP: Does Red Bull want bears attack? Why defy Putin?

CH: Yeah, no, erm... our flexible front bear defence that Adrian designed is effective and as such, Kyvat will take 71. He might drive for Red-

JEV: What, sir?

CH: Yeah, no, erm... just like Jev here, but he does have less experience!

BE: OK. Sorted. Right. While we was talking I bought the rights of all the teams to flog merchandise. A productive rule change. By the way, you're all now paying me double for hotels in Abu Dhabi...
Top Bottom