Clip The Xmas 
I've missed cider_and_toast 
Nonsense, lunacy and general stutterings
- Thread starter KekeTheKing
- Start date
Don't count on it SlyEven the discussion about you chasing live bananas???
Theis to show my cheekyness, as I have been told it is my charm by many, and it's what let me off the hook in school and at home many times, and with the ladies.
And it seems to have worked here
Well Snowy, would you say that your prophesies have been fulfilled or is there still a possibility that Snodland and Monaco might just get together to 'do some twinning' in the not too distant future?And like all reality TV shows only bad things actually happen.
And how are Ted and Snod's wedding preparations coming on? Before Prince Albert and his lovely finance, do you think?
Come on Snowy, you're the man on the ground with this one - too late to pass onto another hack now.
(Yes, yes, we can discuss sheep shifters once we've put this to bed!)
snowy
Champion Elect
Talking of bed...
It seems that Ted Kravitz was unable to consummate the wedding, blaming the pressures of the Monaco weekend. His bride 870 year old Snodland was so put out that instantly applied for an annulment of their union. Ted is said by a spookyman to be "behind himself." When asked if he meant to say beside himself the spookyman replied that beside just doesn't cut it. A sporkperson for Snodland expressed Snodland's deep regret that things hadn't work out between them and that Ted's estate will split equally between the 1200+ residents and Ted Kravitz.
Ted Kravitz's solicitor has severed ties with the reporter, claiming that there is little point soliciting for someone who can't get it up.
It seems that Ted Kravitz was unable to consummate the wedding, blaming the pressures of the Monaco weekend. His bride 870 year old Snodland was so put out that instantly applied for an annulment of their union. Ted is said by a spookyman to be "behind himself." When asked if he meant to say beside himself the spookyman replied that beside just doesn't cut it. A sporkperson for Snodland expressed Snodland's deep regret that things hadn't work out between them and that Ted's estate will split equally between the 1200+ residents and Ted Kravitz.
Ted Kravitz's solicitor has severed ties with the reporter, claiming that there is little point soliciting for someone who can't get it up.
Snowy, thanks for the update - what a sorry state of affairs and commiserations to both Ted and Snodland, particularly Snod as she had been waiting so long for this.
Moving quickly on, how are your narratives on the sheep shifters coming - now that Snod has gone back to sleep we have column inches to fill for this week's edition.
The only other option is an expansion on cat's piece on the springiness of cheddar cheese and it's life saving properties. At a pinch, we could pop it into the health supplement and tag it with F1 on the inside of the back page - what do you think?
Or as a special, we could do both sheep shifters and cheddar - might need to knock it back a few days though to get a full feel from both topics!
Moving quickly on, how are your narratives on the sheep shifters coming - now that Snod has gone back to sleep we have column inches to fill for this week's edition.
The only other option is an expansion on cat's piece on the springiness of cheddar cheese and it's life saving properties. At a pinch, we could pop it into the health supplement and tag it with F1 on the inside of the back page - what do you think?
Or as a special, we could do both sheep shifters and cheddar - might need to knock it back a few days though to get a full feel from both topics!
"WHY RE-FUELLING HAD TO GO" - An un-published extract from The Williams Years by Patrick Head
"I'll never forget the moment during the winter of 2009 that lead to the Williams Grand Prix team leading the calls to the FIA to outlaw re-fuelling for the follwoing season. It came as a result of a tragic mix up at the Williams HQ during a team training exercise. As you know Frank and I spend a great deal of time ensuring that the pit crew are the very best they can be and for many years it has been generally excepted in F1 circles that nobody could do a stop quicker than us. Well on this occasion the team had been working on pit stop drills in the staff car park when Frank and I thought we would go down and see how they were getting on. It was an icy, cold morning and the ground was frozen solid. As we approached our team, Franks front right tyre lost downforce and sent him skidding into the waiting pit crew. The boys, as well drilled as they were had the wheel chair off the ground, the four wheels off, and a new set on as quick as a flash. The trouble was, you really don't want to know where the guys on the fuelling rig stuck the hose!"
"I'll never forget the moment during the winter of 2009 that lead to the Williams Grand Prix team leading the calls to the FIA to outlaw re-fuelling for the follwoing season. It came as a result of a tragic mix up at the Williams HQ during a team training exercise. As you know Frank and I spend a great deal of time ensuring that the pit crew are the very best they can be and for many years it has been generally excepted in F1 circles that nobody could do a stop quicker than us. Well on this occasion the team had been working on pit stop drills in the staff car park when Frank and I thought we would go down and see how they were getting on. It was an icy, cold morning and the ground was frozen solid. As we approached our team, Franks front right tyre lost downforce and sent him skidding into the waiting pit crew. The boys, as well drilled as they were had the wheel chair off the ground, the four wheels off, and a new set on as quick as a flash. The trouble was, you really don't want to know where the guys on the fuelling rig stuck the hose!"
snowy
Champion Elect
The Sheep-Shifters of Cheddar and other tales from Whookey Hole.
Long before the dawn of time had been thought of, there was an pre-ancient sect that met regularly in Whookey Hole to make cheese and sheep shift...It was this sect that invented cheese making, the result of storing sheep shifted from near by hills and milking them in the damp conditions of said cave. Evidence suggests that not only did the cheese help feed the people but played a pivotal role in enabling sheep shifting to spread to neighbouring hills and valleys. The fungi that fuelled the production of cheese was far more hallucinogenic than todays fungi (todays funguys are actually no fun at all, ask anyone of the female persuasion), and the trance like state that is needed to move a sheep from one place to another was far more readily attained. Even children as young as 9 or 10 could take on the form of a shepherd and move a lamb or ewe 40 or 50 metres.
Long before the dawn of time had been thought of, there was an pre-ancient sect that met regularly in Whookey Hole to make cheese and sheep shift...It was this sect that invented cheese making, the result of storing sheep shifted from near by hills and milking them in the damp conditions of said cave. Evidence suggests that not only did the cheese help feed the people but played a pivotal role in enabling sheep shifting to spread to neighbouring hills and valleys. The fungi that fuelled the production of cheese was far more hallucinogenic than todays fungi (todays funguys are actually no fun at all, ask anyone of the female persuasion), and the trance like state that is needed to move a sheep from one place to another was far more readily attained. Even children as young as 9 or 10 could take on the form of a shepherd and move a lamb or ewe 40 or 50 metres.
Indeed it was while on a visit to this most interesting of West Country tourist attractions that a young George Lucus took out a pouch of chewing tobacco and in a flash of insperation came up with the idea of one of the most famous additions to the Star Wars mythology. Though he remains tight lipped on what part the "hole" played in his overall thought process.
Mika Hakkinen is coming out of retirement!
The flying finn is rumoured to comeback, the last time he tested an F1 car he was 3 seconds behind the McLaren drivers. It is said that he is coming back, as his performances will be poor, therefore his good mate Michael Schumacher will get less criticism and attention.
This is what the double world champion had to say about the matter:
"Hm..........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................yes"
The flying finn is rumoured to comeback, the last time he tested an F1 car he was 3 seconds behind the McLaren drivers. It is said that he is coming back, as his performances will be poor, therefore his good mate Michael Schumacher will get less criticism and attention.
This is what the double world champion had to say about the matter:
"Hm..........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................yes"
An on the spot report, nothing to do with Rooters - always behind the game.
I am currently cowering in a cave on the outskirts of Romney with a ewe - yes, a ewe which has been dreadfully traumatised by a large cheese wheel which escaped (or was released, more on that later), a deranged man in a wheelchair (again released) and a 'pre-eminent hack' (yep, released).
The ewe was grateful for my presence and eventually calmed down enough to tell me her story.
Sadly, she had been 'shifted' some two years hence and forced into supplying milk for an unknown clan of cheese-makers, in a place that she later heard was called Romney, far, far away from her native land. The very name filled her with dread - Romney had figured large in her childhood books, as a place of foreboding and distress and her experiences since being 'shifted' had not assuaged her horror.
She had been subjected to a small, inside pen - the lights were never turned off and Radio 4 was constantly playing, albeit at a low level which she had heard her captors say would increase her milk yield. The poor creature was milked thrice daily and expected to greet her captors with bonhomie. Given that she was already under some strain, can you imagine her state of mind when faced with two unknown quantities - a smiley, elderly and incapacitated man and a lush.
We will hear more of Winnie's exciting life and times in the upcoming editions of 'Pastures News'.
And don't forget to save those tokens for a chance to savour what is left of Winnie.
I am currently cowering in a cave on the outskirts of Romney with a ewe - yes, a ewe which has been dreadfully traumatised by a large cheese wheel which escaped (or was released, more on that later), a deranged man in a wheelchair (again released) and a 'pre-eminent hack' (yep, released).
The ewe was grateful for my presence and eventually calmed down enough to tell me her story.
Sadly, she had been 'shifted' some two years hence and forced into supplying milk for an unknown clan of cheese-makers, in a place that she later heard was called Romney, far, far away from her native land. The very name filled her with dread - Romney had figured large in her childhood books, as a place of foreboding and distress and her experiences since being 'shifted' had not assuaged her horror.
She had been subjected to a small, inside pen - the lights were never turned off and Radio 4 was constantly playing, albeit at a low level which she had heard her captors say would increase her milk yield. The poor creature was milked thrice daily and expected to greet her captors with bonhomie. Given that she was already under some strain, can you imagine her state of mind when faced with two unknown quantities - a smiley, elderly and incapacitated man and a lush.
We will hear more of Winnie's exciting life and times in the upcoming editions of 'Pastures News'.
And don't forget to save those tokens for a chance to savour what is left of Winnie.
A Tale of Two Stokes in Bristol
Rumour has it that the recent 'riots' in the Stokes Croft area of Bristol were not all that they seemed...
The official reason for the riots was that local residents were unhappy with Tesco opening a shop, thereby putting small businesses in the area at risk. Now, however, a story has emerged from under a rock that flies in the face of reason. Or should that read "flies in the face of that reasoning"?
Word had spread that the FIA had quietly done a deal with Tesco, for the race Stewards to have their eyes tested at the Stokes Croft branch of Tesco, as the Tesco opticians are doing a free eye test and cheap glasses. A crowd had camped outside the shop and Police struggled when more people turned up and joined the expectant masses hoping for a glimpse of Alan McNish...
Unfortunately, the information was wrong! Of course the Stewards were not getting their eyes tested in the Stokes Croft branch of Tesco!
..... That branch is way too small. It was the Bradley Stoke Super Store of Tesco! A much bigger store and it has ample free parking too! When no stewards turned up and, more importantly, no McNish, the throng at theStokes Croft Tesco threw a wobbly and much damage was done!
Consequently, given the 'riots' seen in Stokes Croft, the FIA were worried that all of Bristol was a dodgy place full of dumb, pickaxe wielding, yokels and cancelled the free eye tests for the Stewards...
Whether any of these events had any impact on the decisions made in Monaco are subject to an internal enquiry.
snowy
Champion Elect
Alan McNish made no comment but his hairdresser was heard to say:
:He's due a shave any day now and I am just itching to try out my new FIA approved cut throat razor. It is sharper, quieter and more precise and is inscribed with the makers name Hamilton and Son's of Strathglass.
:He's due a shave any day now and I am just itching to try out my new FIA approved cut throat razor. It is sharper, quieter and more precise and is inscribed with the makers name Hamilton and Son's of Strathglass.
