Fantasy F1 world.

I'll bite:

Engines-What were Prost's on-the-sly Ferrari engines in 2001 called? Acer?
Team Principal- Norberto Fontana (Another willing mover for the good of Ferrari)
Drivers- Rubens Barrichello
Felipe Massa
Test driver- Eddie Irvine

Giving Two Schitts (Strangely a one-car team)
Team Principal- Colin Kolles
Driver- Kimi Raikkonen

Carwash Operatives
Team Principal- Big Joe (This team is definitely not funded by drug money...)
Drivers- Giovanni Lavaggi
The fool who decided to wet the tunnel in Monaco

Drivers- Jean-Denis Deletraz
Andrea Chiesa
Test Driver- Gregor Foitek

Drivers- Domenico Schiattarella
Andrea Montermini
Test Driver- Giancarlo Fisichella

All The Flying Finns
Drivers- Keke Rosberg
Mika Hakkinen
Test drivers- Mika Salo
Heikki Kovalainen

Hazardous to Safety Vehicles
Drivers- Nick Heidfeld
Taki Inoue

The Music Men (What can they play?)
Drivers- Slim Borgudd
Damon Hill

Foodie F1
Drivers- Pedro Diniz (in the oven)
Gerhard Berger
Test Driver- Heinz (beans) Harald Frentzen

McLaren's Number Threes
Team Principal- Martin Whitmarsh (Oh, he's actually in charge at McLaren)
Drivers- Pedro de la Rosa
Alex Wurz
Test driver- Garry Paffett

Keeping it in the family
Drivers- Jacques Villeneuve Sr
Jacques Villeneuve Jr
Founder- Gilles Villeneuve Reddiesmoneycashdosh
Drivers- Narain Karthikeyan
Sakon Yamamoto
Test driver- Patrick Friesacher

Guess Who?
Team Principal- Peter (who?) Sauber
Drivers- Nicolas (Who?) Kiesa
Stephane (who?) Sarrazin
Test Driver- Franck (Who?) Montagny

Drivers- Takuma Sato
aKamui Kobayashi
Test driver- Kazuki Nakajima

Fly Me to the Moon
Drivers-Mark Webber
Derek Daly
Test Driver- Christian Fittipaldi

The Finger
Team Principal- Sebastian Vettel
Driver- Sebastian Vettel
Chief Engineer- Sebastian Vettel

Team Boss
Team Principal- Ross (the boss) Brawn
Drivers- Jos (the boss) Verstappen
Stirling Moss (the boss. Can I get away with that one?)

Poor Relations
Drivers- Bruno Senna
Ralf Schumacher

Team Principal- Andrea Sassetti
Drivers- Yuji Ide
Perry McCarthy

F1's Holy Church
Founder- Ayrton Senna
Drivers- Pastor (See what I did there?) Maldonado
John (the baptist) Watson
Test driver-David (rarely beat Goliath) Coulthard

Moustaches and Crashers
Team Principal- Eddie Jordan
Drivers- Nigel Mansell
Keke Rosberg
Test Driver- (Merely to fulfil the 'crashers' criteria) Romain Grosjean

Driver- Scott Speed

Drivers- Andrea de Cesaris
Olivier Grouillard
Test drivers- Philippe Alliot
Jean-Pierre Jarier
(These guys make Karthikeyan look tame!)

Running the sport- Me, Alain 'failed gearbox' Prost, Arsene 'didn't see the incident' Wenger, and the makers of 'Tooned'

TV Package- BBC, always with 1982-spec titles. Walker and Brundle commentate. Race programme to be presented by Nicole Scherzinger and Lewis Hamilton (A.K.A F1's Ross and Rachel, trust me, it'll have some frosty moments...). 'Pit Bits' presented by a walking, talking i-pad that renders Anthony Davidson completely invisible, and makes wildly suggestive comments to all vaguely attractive womenfolk (Red Button alternative with a rival Microsoft-whatdoyoucallit sobbing in the back of a dilapidated motorhome somewhere at the rear of the paddock). All presentations of the grid formation to be done with that original BBC background music and in 1986-style. All commentators must drink when Ted is 'down at McLaren' or it is believed to be the point at which Jonathan Ledgard would shout 'on a charge' or 'up/down the hill'. All interviews to be conducted Piers Morgan. Any driver who fails to take the piss and generate sufficient laughs gets a ten-place grid penalty for the following race.


Race 1- Interlagos, Brazil
2- Kyalami, South Africa (Commentators must always profess how they were anti-apartheid, ignoring that they commentated/raced there)
3- Imola, ITALY (Not San Marino)
4- (Always April 1) Rainbow Road Mario Kart Circuit
5- Monaco
6- Spa, Belgium
7- Dijon, France
8- Montreal, Canada
9- Silverstone/Brands Hatch alternate, Britain
10- Old Hockenheim, Germany
11- Osterreichring, Austria
12- Zandvoort, Holland
13- Estoril, Portugal
14- Suzuka, Japan
15- Austin, USA (I'm a convert! Shoot me now)
16- Watkins Glen, USA
17- Adelaide, Australia
Spot the odd one out! ;)
Go on, then: ULTIMATE F1

[bg=#005500]Team Lotus-Cosworth
TP: Colin Chapman
1. Jim Clark
2. Mario Andretti[/bg]

[bg=#550000]Team Ludicrously Submissive Second Driver-Ferrari
TP: Luca di Montezemelo
3. Bruno Senna
4. Ayrton Senna[/bg]

[bg=#AAAAAA]Team Apparently Equal Opportunities-Mercedes
TP: Martin Whitmarsh
5. Alain Prost
6. Lewis Hamilton[/bg]

[bg=#CCCCCC]Mercedes-Benz Quadragenerians Team
TP: Alfred Neubauer
7. Michael Schumacher
8. Juan Manuel Fangio[/bg]

[bg=#22AAFA]Scuderia Briatore-Renault
TP: Flavio Briatore
9. Fernando Alonso
10. Jos Verstappen[/bg]

[bg=#000000]The Team That Doesn't Give A Shit-Toyota
TP: Eddie Jordan
11. Kimi Raikkonen
12. James Hunt[/bg]

[bg=#FEFEFE]Project Five-TAG Porsche
TP: Ron Dennis
14. Mika Hakkinen
15. Niki Lauda[/bg]

[bg=#000077]Blue Privateer Cars Team-Cosworth
TP: Ken Tyrrell
16. Jackie Stewart
17. Stirling Moss[/bg]

[bg=#000044]Team Hill-Cosworth
TP. Graham Hill
18. Graham Hill
19. Damon Hill[/bg]

[bg=#FFFF00]Team Forgotten Brazilian Champions-Renault
TP. Wilson Fittipaldi
20. Emerson Fittipaldi
21. Nelson Piquet[/bg]

[bg=#000000]Minardi-Ford Zetec
TP. Giancarlo Minardi
22. Pierluigi Martini
23. Mark Webber[/bg]

[bg=#AAFFAA]Team Extremely Rich-Porsche
TP. Bernard Ecclestone
24. Pastor Maldonado
25. Prince Bira[/bg]

[bg=#DB0000]Scuderia Ferrari
TP. Enzo Ferrari
27. Gilles Villeneuve
28. Alberto Ascari[/bg]

[bg=#005800]Force Australia-Mechachrome
TP. Paul Stoddart
29. Alan Jones
30. Jack Brabham[/bg]

[bg=#FEFEFE]Team Beard-Mercedes
TP: Ross Brawn
31. Jenson Button
32. Nick Heidfeld[/bg]

[bg=#FFBF44]Commentator's Team-Judd
TP: Murray Walker
33. David Coulthard
34. Martin Brundle[/bg]

[bg=#FEFEFE]Horrific Racing Team-Hart
TP: Peter Windsor
35. Toranasuke Takagi
36. Chanoch Nissany[/bg]

[bg=#FF0000]Team Fire Extinguisher-Cosworth
TP: Sid Watkins
37. Heikki Kovalainen
38. Taki Inoue[/bg]

[bg=#FF6666]Super Aguri-Honda
TP: Aguri Suzuki
39. Takuma Sato
40. Kamui Kobayashi[/bg]

[bg=#000033]Team Of People I Should Have Included Earlier-Climax
TP: Sir Frank Williams
41. Sebastian Vettel
42. Dan Gurney[/bg]


  1. January Week 1: South African GP, Kyalami
  2. March Week 1: Australian GP, Melbourne
  3. March Week 3: Argentinian GP, Buenos Aires
  4. March Week 4: US Grand Prix East, Austin
  5. April Week 3: San Marino GP, Imola
  6. May Week 1: Spanish GP, Jarama
  7. May Week 3: Turkish GP, Istanbul Park
  8. June Week 1: Canadian GP, Montreal
  9. June Week 3: French GP, Dijon
  10. July Week 2: British GP, Silverstone
  11. July Midweek 3-4, Finnish GP (8pm local start Practice: Tues, Qual: Weds, Race: Thurs)
  12. July Week 5/August Week 1: German GP: Hockenheimring
  13. August Week 4: Belgian GP, Spa
  14. September Week 2: Italian GP, Monza
  15. September Week 3: Austrian GP, A1-Ring
  16. October Week 2: Japanese GP, Suzuka
  17. October Week 3: Malaysian GP, Sepang
  18. November Week 1: Pacific GP, Adelaide
  19. November Week 3: US Grand Prix West, Watkins Glen
  20. November Week 4: Brazilian GP, Interlagos
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