Roll up one and all... it is time for the glitziest* and glamouriest* Formula One awards ceremony of each year. Welcome to the F1 Awards...
Copa Barrichello for Winning when the Heat is Off: Nico Rosberg
Noah's Ark Award: The Drivers Championship - down to tenth
Jean-Louis Schlesser Award: Marcus Ericsson for summoning the Safety Car in Malaysia with an amateurish spin.
Peugeot Belt for Shittiest McLaren Engine: Honda
Life W12 Belt for Shittiest Engine: Honda
Earth Car Belt for forcing Jenson Button to Pootle Around at the Back: Honda
Michael Schumacher Tunnel Safety Car Award for Retiring During the Only Race Your Car is not Dominant: Lewis Hamilton, Singapore.
Emerson Fittipaldi Cup for Tragically Wasted Champion: Shared between Fernando Alonso and Jenson Button
Fernando Isn't Faster Than Me Award: Max Verstappen, Singapore
Fernando You Weren't Faster Than Him Award: Daniel Ricciardo, Monaco
McLaren-2012 Award for Crappest Strategy: Lewis Hamilton, Monaco
Moron on the Track Award: Singapore Moron on the Track
Marshalling of the Year: Shanghai marshalls for removing Max Verstappen's car
Schumacher/Barrichello/Button Award for Most Predictable Podium: Hamilton/Rosberg/Vettel
Pastor Maldonado Award for Buggering Up Someone Else's Podium on the Last Lap: Kimi Raikkonen, Russia
Sakon Yamamoto Award for Turning up Mid-Season and Pootling Around at the Back: Alexander Rossi
Jules Bianchi Memorial Trophy for Inexplicable Result in Crap Car: Fernando Alonso, 5th at Budapest
Golden Paper Bag for Falling Apart at the First Sign of Moisture: Williams, Silverstone
Overtake of the Year: Max Verstappen, Blanchimont
Special Award for Making up the Entire Shortlist for Overtake of the Year: Max Verstappen
Shadowed Award for Being Completely Ignored by All: Carlos Sainz, Jr.
STR Creche Award for Being the Youngest Whatever: Max Verstappen
Moaning Git of the Year: Christian Horner
Most Reasonable Moaning of the Year: Fernando Alonso
Comedy Club Radio Award: Jenson Button
1950s Deckchair Cup: Fernando Alonso
Lesser Spotted Champion: Lewis Hamilton
Seb Vettel Counterproductive Winning Award for Ensuring Sponsors Get 0 Airtime: Mercedes-AMG
Eddie Irvine Trophy for Outstanding Achievement in Ferrari Number 2ing: Kimi Raikkonen
"We All Thought It" Award for Calling Eddie Jordan an Arse on Live TV: Christian Horner
Living on the Back of One Overtake of the Year: Nigel Mansell in Mexico
Chaotic Race Still giving HAMROSVET Podium of the Year: Shared: Silverstone & Austin
Award for NEVER Giving a Predictable Result: Hungaroring
Award for Completely and Inexplicably Dropping Off the Pace for a Single Race: Mercedes, Singapore.
Tarso Marques Award for Beating Alonso Partly Due to the Crapness of the Machinery: Jenson Button
MasterCard Lola Award for Shortest Season: Kevin Magnussen
Award for Being the Only Finisher to Miss Out on Points: Jenson Button, Melbourne
Prize for Economics: Lotus
Prize for Mathematics: Mercedes, Monza (25.042s!)
Rule Loophole Pain in the Haas: Ferrari
Schadenfreude Manufacturer of the Annual Cycle: Ron Dennis
Copa Barrichello for Winning when the Heat is Off: Nico Rosberg
Noah's Ark Award: The Drivers Championship - down to tenth

Jean-Louis Schlesser Award: Marcus Ericsson for summoning the Safety Car in Malaysia with an amateurish spin.
Peugeot Belt for Shittiest McLaren Engine: Honda
Life W12 Belt for Shittiest Engine: Honda
Earth Car Belt for forcing Jenson Button to Pootle Around at the Back: Honda
Michael Schumacher Tunnel Safety Car Award for Retiring During the Only Race Your Car is not Dominant: Lewis Hamilton, Singapore.
Emerson Fittipaldi Cup for Tragically Wasted Champion: Shared between Fernando Alonso and Jenson Button
Fernando Isn't Faster Than Me Award: Max Verstappen, Singapore
Fernando You Weren't Faster Than Him Award: Daniel Ricciardo, Monaco
McLaren-2012 Award for Crappest Strategy: Lewis Hamilton, Monaco
Moron on the Track Award: Singapore Moron on the Track
Marshalling of the Year: Shanghai marshalls for removing Max Verstappen's car
Schumacher/Barrichello/Button Award for Most Predictable Podium: Hamilton/Rosberg/Vettel
Pastor Maldonado Award for Buggering Up Someone Else's Podium on the Last Lap: Kimi Raikkonen, Russia
Sakon Yamamoto Award for Turning up Mid-Season and Pootling Around at the Back: Alexander Rossi
Jules Bianchi Memorial Trophy for Inexplicable Result in Crap Car: Fernando Alonso, 5th at Budapest
Golden Paper Bag for Falling Apart at the First Sign of Moisture: Williams, Silverstone
Overtake of the Year: Max Verstappen, Blanchimont
Special Award for Making up the Entire Shortlist for Overtake of the Year: Max Verstappen
Shadowed Award for Being Completely Ignored by All: Carlos Sainz, Jr.
STR Creche Award for Being the Youngest Whatever: Max Verstappen
Moaning Git of the Year: Christian Horner
Most Reasonable Moaning of the Year: Fernando Alonso
Comedy Club Radio Award: Jenson Button
1950s Deckchair Cup: Fernando Alonso
Lesser Spotted Champion: Lewis Hamilton
Seb Vettel Counterproductive Winning Award for Ensuring Sponsors Get 0 Airtime: Mercedes-AMG
Eddie Irvine Trophy for Outstanding Achievement in Ferrari Number 2ing: Kimi Raikkonen
"We All Thought It" Award for Calling Eddie Jordan an Arse on Live TV: Christian Horner
Living on the Back of One Overtake of the Year: Nigel Mansell in Mexico
Chaotic Race Still giving HAMROSVET Podium of the Year: Shared: Silverstone & Austin
Award for NEVER Giving a Predictable Result: Hungaroring
Award for Completely and Inexplicably Dropping Off the Pace for a Single Race: Mercedes, Singapore.
Tarso Marques Award for Beating Alonso Partly Due to the Crapness of the Machinery: Jenson Button
MasterCard Lola Award for Shortest Season: Kevin Magnussen
Award for Being the Only Finisher to Miss Out on Points: Jenson Button, Melbourne
Prize for Economics: Lotus
Prize for Mathematics: Mercedes, Monza (25.042s!)
Rule Loophole Pain in the Haas: Ferrari
Schadenfreude Manufacturer of the Annual Cycle: Ron Dennis