Football The Worst Football Cliches

[teabagyokel]

Dear Clive,

He ran into traffic. You're commentating on football, not car chases or motorsport.

Please remember that.

TBY

 

[Slyboogy]

"I've seen them given"

"Cynical"

"If anyone could have done that, it was him!"

 

[FB]

Can we add some "literally's" in here?

His legs literally turned to jelly
The whole team is literally on fire
He was literally left for dead (bet no one use that on Saturday when Spurs & Bolton were playing)
(insert players name) is literally right up his backside
He literally when down like he had been shot (perhaps only true in Columbian football)

 

[Johnny Carwash]

A relegation 6 pointer
He's got a great touch for a big man.

Not sure if this is a cliche but anyone who has "Big" in front of his name like Big Ron Atkinson, Big Neville Southall, Big Sam Allardyce.

 

[Jen]

I'm not a football fan but the only 'big' that stands out in my mind is the salary.

 

[Bus Stop Chicane]

I'll have to add some more as no-one else has mentioned these belters.

"He's bombing down the left/right."

Well the pitch is going to be a right mess afterwards isn't it?

"He's on fire!"

Well don't just stand there. HELP HIM!

"It's a results business."

Isn't every business?

 

[teabagyokel]

"It's a results business."

Isn't every business?

No, because football is the only business where financial sense is downright criticised. Arsenal being the prime example.
Having said that, I found Kenny Dalglish's attempt to justify the poor success of his department by highlighting the success of everyone at Liverpool that he has no responsibility for ridiculous.

And I didn't like him talking about the football family after Muamba; he wasn't very committed to the football family when racial abuse was the topic of the day, was he?

 

[Bus Stop Chicane]

AndI didn't like him talking about the football family after Muamba; he wasn't very committed to the football family when racial abuse was the topic of the day, was he?

Have no respect for the guy after that sorry episode. Despite the fact Suarez was found guilty he just wouldn't back down.

 

[ramilas1]

BBC Sport (or any other media outlet) 'understands' ...... although this covers all sports not just footie.

It seems to be the by-line for anything these days, normally meaning they've just made it up ....
... or they've hacked somebody's phone and can't say so 'cos that might get them in the poo!

Example this morning:
Johan Cruyff is among the names being targeted by Liverpool after Damien Comolli's departure as director of football, BBC Sport understands.

Perhaps should read:
Johan Cruyff is among the names being targeted by Liverpool we came up with, while standing around the coffee machine, after Damien Comolli's departure as director of football, BBC Sport understands speculates.

 

[RasputinLives]

"The crowd are litterally exploding with excitment!"

Oh my god! its a massacre! Just calm down everyone! the horror! the horror!

 

[Jos the Boss]

'It takes two teams to make a game, but this is definetly a one sided game'
Used by Clive Tyldesley on Fifa 12!

 

[Johnny Carwash]

"That was a school boy error".

 

[Bus Stop Chicane]

'It takes two teams to make a game, but this is definetly a one sided game'
Used by Clive Tyldesley on Fifa 12!

A classic one used on certain FIFA games by Andy Gray was:

"This guy couldn't hit a barn door with a machine gun Clive!"

I have listened to a lot of his actual commentary(unfortunately) and not once have I ever heard him say that.

 

[Jos the Boss]

I loved that one! And I hope we get Gary Neville's goal reaction to Torres!

 

[cider_and_toast]

There are many football cliches that absolutely drive me bonkers when I read them. Mostly attributed to tabloid newspapers who have their set lines for those short football items. Things such as :

He handed his manager a selection headache

Has issued a come and get me plea

Is sniffing around the first team

The want away player

He has declared himself fit

 

[Brogan]

The beautiful game

 

[TN23]

The biggest 'go and fuck yourself' feeling at the moment comes when Brendan Rodgers is discussed. The 'philosophy' he has is one that most have. It really doesn't go any further than passing the ball, which funnily enough is not a new strategy, and also that the nuances (that's what they are in my opinion) he has claimed to have brought is all stuff Martinez and Sousa brought to Swansea. This guy is riding the biggest bandwagon of the lot.

There's a lot of the 'Liverpool are slowly improving under Rodgers' type lines about at the moment. Are they? Did I imagine them battering most teams to death without scoring for much of last season. At least Suarez had chances to miss. As an aside, I'm surprised I've not heard more cunning 'toothless Liverpool attack/no they're not look at Suarez's gnashers' jokes as yet...

 

[Mephistopheles]

"They think it's all over, it is now."

And that was the first and only time England won a world cup or any international tournament so basically never has a truer sentence ever been uttered and thus not a cliché