"Good afternoon and welcome to the 2011 British Grand Prix, Live on pay per view from Alton Towers. As you join us the 8 cars in the race are lined up on the grid for this exciting 4 laps of the childrens kart track sponsored as always by Santander. So it's over to Martin Brundle for the grid"
"Good afternoon every one, It looks like it's going to be another thrill ride today. On poll we have Lewis Hamilton in the pink car with the My Little Pony stickers, 2nd on the grid is Fernando Alonso in the yellow car sporting Action Man sponsorship this year. on row two we have Jenson Button alongside Michael Schumacher both driving the blue cars in the Frank Williams ran Jackanory Specials, Then we have both Vettel and Webber and they are driving the red cars sponsored by Fireman Sam, next up is the second My Little Pony pink car being driven today by a returning Damon Hill and finally the last car on the grid is Luca Badoer in the second of the yellow Action man cars".
"Thankyou Martin. And yes the lights are coming on, and it's goooooo for the first of these 4 exciting laps. Hamilton makes a flying start down to the first corner with Alonso in hot pursuit. Alonso employing the new principle of shuffleing forward in his seat trying to shunt the car that little bit faster. Both Button and Schumacher got away cleanly and are line astern but Vettel appears to have been punted in the bumper by his team mate. There away though. Oh it would seem Badoer has moved up a place as Hill is franticly shoveing 10 pences into his stalled car. Finally Hill is away but some way behind the leader"
"Up front Hamilton is coming under pressure from Alonso as we round the bottom set of tyres. Further back Button has spun and we have the martial on the track picking his car up and turning it in the right direction. They're very quick the martials here."
"Alonso still putting Hamilton under pressure as we start lap 3, but wait Schumacher has taken the short cut between the two tyres and is now coming up hard on the pair of them. Further back down the field Vettel seems to be slowing, he is slowing. He frantically waves to his father watching in the crowd. Yes Mr Vettel snr is coming on to the track with a handful of coins and Vettel is stuffing them into the coin slot for all he is worth"
"Badoer has retired after he was bumped by Hill, fell off his car and grazed his knee. He was taken to the nurses office and given a lollipop and told he was a brave boy and we are pleased to say he is now fine."
"So were on the last lap of this thrilling race and it's Hamilton from Alonso from Schumacher with the others some way behind. Now the question is can Lewis hold on round the bottom bend? He's run wide but there seems to be no way that Alonso can pass. Schumacher is also trying hard as all three of them try shunting their cars a little harder but Hamilton crosses the line in first place from Alonso by the width of a rubber bumper. Schumacher is in third and rounds out the podium"
"Well I'm sure you'll agree, thanks to the changes adopted by Mr Bernie Ecclestone esq we have never had such a thrilling season"
"Next weeks race comes live from Disney land Paris, We'll see you there"