Caption Competition 2009 V

[cider_and_toast]

It is the TYHA's position that Cider_and_Toast is contracted to this thread and the commercial site owner until 2010. For this reason, Cider_and_Toast has been entered into the 2010 Forum Entry List along with the Lucozade team.

When TYHA had come up with a compromise situation, FOJA demanded a new Boeing 767 agreement to govern the jokes. We promised to sign it, and they talk about "knock knock" standardisation.

We wrote rules earlier in the season designed to bring about "knock knock" standardisation, only for three FOJA teams to create a double-deck joke which diffused in a "Why did the chicken cross the road?" gag. We wish now to write new regulations outlawing "Why did the chicken cross the road?" gags, which Cider_and_Toast fought against in the courts, and he now is happy with these jokes since he added one to his routine.

The self-interest of FOJA is clear, and it is TYHA's position that FOJA would be unable to run a joke thread, stand-up routine or sketch show without falling out.

Teabag Yokel,

President of TYHA (formerly known as Federation International Comedic)[/font]

FOJA finds it sad that the head of the THYA continues to discuss the confidential details of our meetings in a public forum. It is clear that the breach between the two parties may now be too wide for an amicable solution.

TYHA will recall that for many years Cider_and_Toast was awarded extra Jokes by TYHA on account of his importance to the world of Comedy. In return cider_and_toast was very supportive in Teabag Yokels succesful bid to be re-elected as head of the TYHA. For several years cider_and_toast has enjoyed the right to veto any proposed changes by TYHA to joke formats including timing and punchline and both parties have worked together in an amicable fashion. Two cases that spring immediatly to mind are when the THYA outlawed Pepi Le Frog's "Damper" routine on the grounds that it wasn't moving enough and when it had been discovered that Ronald Mcdonald had stollen half of Cider_and_toasts routine for the forth coming comedy season.

FOJA would also like to point out that they have been going on stage for the last few years without the need for a Boeing 767 agreement without the routine stalling or FOJA members being removed from the stage due to poor clap-o-meter results. In signing up to a new Boeing 767 agreement FOJA feels that it will give a free hand to Teabag Yokel to set any form of Joke he likes and this FOJA finds un-acceptable.

In allowing new members to the TYHA series access to un-restricted custard pies when FOJA members who are gag capped only have access to a bucket of glitter is not acceptable.

FOJA stands by it's proposals which are:

Independant monitoring of Gags (perhaps some sort of phone vote or 3 judge panel equiped with 3 big "X"s above the members)
Standard "Knock Knock" gags for all members who sign up to the series.
A reduction in the length of routines by 10 minutes
No Gag cap.
A phased reduction in comedy back to 1990 levels by 2011
A greater share of revenue from Comedy club perfomances.

FOJA await the response from the TYHA

Cider And Toast
Lotsa Gags
On behalf of the Federation of Joking Associates.

 

[McZiderRed]

OK kids, the poll is up so you can vote for your favourite.

I'll give it a week and we can acclaim our winner!

Reading this thread, it does seem that the naughty kids have run amok whilst teacher GM was away! Half of the thread is It is funny though!

Incidentally, as much as my sympathies lie with FOJA (the anarchist in me, see?), I must submit my allegiance to TYHA.
The reason for my allegiance is that it gets awfully cold when you're locked outside!

*

Can we have a poll, please?

Ooh, ooh, I think I know this one. Is it Graham Poll ?

This joke is so bad you will be given a booking. *Two more and you will be banned from the site...
- best match in the 2006 World Cup, imo!

Also, three yellow cards shouldn't make a red, it should be two. That gives me two more bad jokes to inflict on people!

 

[teabagyokel]

FOJA finds it sad that the head of the THYA continues to discuss the confidential details of our meetings in a public forum. It is clear that the breach between the two parties may now be too wide for an amicable solution.

TYHA will recall that for many years Cider_and_Toast was awarded extra Jokes by TYHA on account of his importance to the world of Comedy. In return cider_and_toast was very supportive in Teabag Yokels succesful bid to be re-elected as head of the TYHA. For several years cider_and_toast has enjoyed the right to veto any proposed changes by TYHA to joke formats including timing and punchline and both parties have worked together in an amicable fashion. Two cases that spring immediatly to mind are when the THYA outlawed Pepi Le Frog's "Damper" routine on the grounds that it wasn't moving enough and when it had been discovered that Ronald Mcdonald had stollen half of Cider_and_toasts routine for the forth coming comedy season.

FOJA would also like to point out that they have been going on stage for the last few years without the need for a Boeing 767 agreement without the routine stalling or FOJA members being removed from the stage due to poor clap-o-meter results. In signing up to a new Boeing 767 agreement FOJA feels that it will give a free hand to Teabag Yokel to set any form of Joke he likes and this FOJA finds un-acceptable.

In allowing new members to the TYHA series access to un-restricted custard pies when FOJA members who are gag capped only have access to a bucket of glitter is not acceptable.

FOJA stands by it's proposals which are:

Independant monitoring of Gags (perhaps some sort of phone vote or 3 judge panel equiped with 3 big "X"s above the members)
Standard "Knock Knock" gags for all members who sign up to the series.
A reduction in the length of routines by 10 minutes
No Gag cap.
A phased reduction in comedy back to 1990 levels by 2011
A greater share of revenue from Comedy club perfomances.

FOJA await the response from the TYHA

Cider And Toast
Lotsa Gags
On behalf of the Federation of Joking Associates.

TYHA feels it sad that FOJA misrepresent the TYHA's meetings with FOJA in a public audience and feel that the TYHA must set the record straight within media circles.

Ronald McDonald have adressed his anti-TYHA stance by sacking his manager Dennis T. Menace. It is sad that McDonald, Big Mental Wallies, Pepi le Frog, the Prawn Sandwich Brigade and Showboata have conditionally entered the forum for 2010 and they have a week to drop their conditions. We accept Frank Chuckles and V J Tickle's entry, whilst accepting new entries from Campost Heap, Manorism and the United States Comedy Circuit. We also have 10 further teams, including the Black Lotuses, waiting for an entry.

Cider_and_Toast's veto was an informal arrangement between Cider_and_Toast and TYHA and was invalidated by Cider_and_Toast's membership of FOJA. The TYHA have not broken any contracts and expect to see Cider_and_Toast making "knock knock" jokes here again next year.

Pepe le Frog's manager, Flavour of Brie (A Tory), sees himself replacing Brogan in FOJA's new thread. This cannot happen. Brie is clearly an unfit man to lead a tour.

We have contracts to all stages on our tour and feel that the less-than-warm reception we have had in the Royal Bahrain Theatre, the Ataturk Theatre of Istanbul and the Kuala Lumpur Tower is more due to the team's insistance on the "Knock knock" joke when Bahrainis, Turks and Malaysians prefer cutting edge political satire. If humour capped, comics will have more freedom to joke without being booed off stage. The limit of a bucket of glitter is essential to keep vegetable throwing down, which is at endemic levels and must be prevented.

I was there when the F1 Prankster's Association (FOPA) won these rights from the Unfisables and understand FOJA's frustrations. However, they're a bunch of nutters who can't see what I've done for them.

Teabag Yokel,

Former Lawyer for FOPA
Enemy of those who stand in his way

 

[cider_and_toast]

TYHA feels it sad that FOJA misrepresent the TYHA's meetings with FOJA in a public audience and feel that the TYHA must set the record straight within media circles.

Ronald McDonald have adressed his anti-TYHA stance by sacking his manager Dennis T. Menace. It is sad that McDonald, Big Mental Wallies, Pepi le Frog, the Prawn Sandwich Brigade and Showboata have conditionally entered the forum for 2010 and they have a week to drop their conditions. We accept Frank Chuckles and V J Tickle's entry, whilst accepting new entries from Campost Heap, Manorism and the United States Comedy Circuit. We also have 10 further teams, including the Black Lotuses, waiting for an entry.

Cider_and_Toast's veto was an informal arrangement between Cider_and_Toast and TYHA and was invalidated by Cider_and_Toast's membership of FOJA. The TYHA have not broken any contracts and expect to see Cider_and_Toast making "knock knock" jokes here again next year.

Pepe le Frog's manager, Flavour of Brie (A Tory), sees himself replacing Brogan in FOJA's new thread. This cannot happen. Brie is clearly an unfit man to lead a tour.

We have contracts to all stages on our tour and feel that the less-than-warm reception we have had in the Royal Bahrain Theatre, the Ataturk Theatre of Istanbul and the Kuala Lumpur Tower is more due to the team's insistance on the "Knock knock" joke when Bahrainis, Turks and Malaysians prefer cutting edge political satire. If humour capped, comics will have more freedom to joke without being booed off stage. The limit of a bucket of glitter is essential to keep vegetable throwing down, which is at endemic levels and must be prevented.

I was there when the F1 Prankster's Association (FOPA) won these rights from the Unfisables and understand FOJA's frustrations. However, they're a bunch of nutters who can't see what I've done for them.

Teabag Yokel,

Former Lawyer for FOPA
Enemy of those who stand in his way

In light of FOJA an the TYHA failing to reach an agreement FOJA are now in a position to announce a break away joke thread. FOJA is confident that in doing so it has the best interests of the fans of competative joke telling at heart.

A series callander will be anounced soon but FOJA are now in a position to announce some venues that can be confirmed and these are:

The Damon Hill Comedy Bar and Grill - Silverstone, Great Britain
The Nelson Mandela Memorial Seafood Shack - Kyalami, South Africa
The Speedy Gonzalez Chilli Bar - Mexico City, Mexico

And most importantly of all we have a signed agreement with a tramp who normally sleeps on a bench in the tunnel at Monaco for an open air performance some time early in May. FOJA is fully aware that other performers may wish to use this prime location at this time but blow a big to them all.

Other venues will be confirmed once enough cash has been collected in brown envelopes and the relevent meetings can be arranged.

FOJA realise that this could harm the image at the highest level of Joke telling but hope that people realise that continued interferance in the comedy routines of established joke tellers will not be tollerated. As Pepi Le Frog's team owner, Mr Flavour of Brie (a tory) points out, the time for talking is now over.

As far as our relationship with the THYA goes and in particular it's president MR Teabag Yokel, the door remains open for a reconciliation on our terms and ours alone.

May we remind Mr Yokel that we still have a few negatives un-published from that bizarre incident a few years back of Mr Yokel performing that alternative version of "the sound of music". I am sure that Mr Yokel understands that these measures would not be resorted too unless we appear to be loosing our argument.

We will however, concede that the introduction of Compost Heap, Manorism and the United States Comedy Circuit can only be good for the tour. It is our intention to lend these teams a copy of "The Gordan Brown Guide to stand up comedy" which should enable them to be competative out of the comedy box.

Finally we would like to point out that it is clear to all who can read that Teabag Yokel is behaving like a willy potato, sorry that should read Dictator!! however the door remains open for discussion between Cider_and_toast or one of the representatives from FOJA such as that nice Mr Lucas Monty Pedlao.

Cider_and_Toast
Head of FOJA World Series of Formula Joking.

 

[teabagyokel]

In light of FOJA an the TYHA failing to reach an agreement FOJA are now in a position to announce a break away joke thread. FOJA is confident that in doing so it has the best interests of the fans of competative joke telling at heart.

A series callander will be anounced soon but FOJA are now in a position to announce some venues that can be confirmed and these are:

The Damon Hill Comedy Bar and Grill - Silverstone, Great Britain
The Nelson Mandela Memorial Seafood Shack - Kyalami, South Africa
The Speedy Gonzalez Chilli Bar - Mexico City, Mexico

And most importantly of all we have a signed agreement with a tramp who normally sleeps on a bench in the tunnel at Monaco for an open air performance some time early in May. FOJA is fully aware that other performers may wish to use this prime location at this time but blow a big to them all.

Other venues will be confirmed once enough cash has been collected in brown envelopes and the relevent meetings can be arranged.

FOJA realise that this could harm the image at the highest level of Joke telling but hope that people realise that continued interferance in the comedy routines of established joke tellers will not be tollerated. As Pepi Le Frog's team owner, Mr Flavour of Brie (a tory) points out, the time for talking is now over.

As far as our relationship with the THYA goes and in particular it's president MR Teabag Yokel, the door remains open for a reconciliation on our terms and ours alone.

May we remind Mr Yokel that we still have a few negatives un-published from that bizarre incident a few years back of Mr Yokel performing that alternative version of "the sound of music". I am sure that Mr Yokel understands that these measures would not be resorted too unless we appear to be loosing our argument.

We will however, concede that the introduction of Compost Heap, Manorism and the United States Comedy Circuit can only be good for the tour. It is our intention to lend these teams a copy of "The Gordan Brown Guide to stand up comedy" which should enable them to be competative out of the comedy box.

Finally we would like to point out that it is clear to all who can read that Teabag Yokel is behaving like a willy potato, sorry that should read Dictator!! however the door remains open for discussion between Cider_and_toast or one of the representatives from FOJA such as that nice Mr Lucas Monty Pedlao.

Cider_and_Toast
Head of FOJA World Series of Formula Joking.

The News of the World printed an apology for that version of "The Sound of Music" and TYHA denies that the capture of the Von Trapp family implies any sort of Nazi sympathies.

Mr. Lucas Monty Pedalo already has a seat on the TYWHC and is unafraid to weild influence within the organisation. That Mr. Pedalo is with Cider_and_Toast is surely a temporary measure.

However, the TYHA is willing to listen to the terms of the assorted jackasses and morons of FOJA as long as they commit to the thread until 2012.

We will also consider returning to the Damon Hill Comedy Bar and Grill if the new East Midlands Rural Apollo is not completed in time. Our commitment to taking comedy to Asia will be underlined however, and we do not intend on returning to the delapidated Comedy Club "Gills of the New House" in Montreal. No comedy club in the USA is available for use - even the Brick Stage, Indiana - nor shall we return to the un-atmospheric Central France Farm Dance.

We await with anticipation FOJA's response.

 

[cider_and_toast]

The News of the World printed an apology for that version of "The Sound of Music" and TYHA denies that the capture of the Von Trapp family implies any sort of Nazi sympathies.

Mr. Lucas Monty Pedalo already has a seat on the TYWHC and is unafraid to weild influence within the organisation. That Mr. Pedalo is with Cider_and_Toast is surely a temporary measure.

However, the TYHA is willing to listen to the terms of the assorted jackasses and morons of FOJA as long as they commit to the thread until 2012.

We will also consider returning to the Damon Hill Comedy Bar and Grill if the new East Midlands Rural Apollo is not completed in time. Our commitment to taking comedy to Asia will be underlined however, and we do not intend on returning to the delapidated Comedy Club "Gills of the New House" in Montreal. No comedy club in the USA is available for use - even the Brick Stage, Indiana - nor shall we return to the un-atmospheric Central France Farm Dance.

We await with anticipation FOJA's response.

Official Press Release.

In light of the TYHA acceeding to FOJAs demands in many areas and in light of the fact that this debate has gone on so long that not a single member of our esteemed organisation can remember what the sticking points were in the first place then FOJA is willing to accept the format of jokes as laid out by the TYHA and it's comedians are now prepared to comit to the stage until a new agreement can be reached in 2012.

We recognise that the Dictator Teabag Yokel is the supreme leader of the TYHA and that he may or may not wish to run again in the future.

We now retract our hollow and baseless threat to run a break away joke thread which we admit wouldn't have worked in the first place.

As a result of this climb down we accept that both sides will claim a victory and that neither party did the cause of competative joke telling any good what so ever.

We look forward to a new season of joke telling 2010 which will contain the same level of comedy as before.

Peace to all members

Cider_and_toast.

The end.

 

[Galahad]

I am delighted to announce, a little belatedly, that the winner of the 2009 Clip the Apex Caption Competition V is:
Boyle99!

Boyle99 will hopefully seize the honour of selecting the next picture.

Thanks everyone for your excellent contributions


The CTA Caption Comp Roll of Honour
Caption Comp I - Boyle99

Caption Comp II - Amdathlonuk

Caption Comp III - Brogan

Caption Comp IV - GordonMurray

Caption Comp V - Boyle99

 

[Boyle]

I am so proud to have regained the prestigious honour of CTA Caption Competition champion . I would like to thank my mum, my dad, my family, my friends and all you wonderful fans out there.


(Oh and don't worry I already have a picture in mind )