The Paper Chain

Who knows? Let's ask Christian Horner if he can take over Webber's RB7 in Japan and see how it goes.

Mr Corner
c/o The Bubblegum Fizzy Drinks Company
The Land of Roundabouts

Dear Christian

We at Clip the Apex have always respected your every utterance and think you are a really nice bloke (despite the foot tapping during every race, what are you listening to on your iPod?). Anyway, can you settle an argument for us. That Aussie bloke has been a bit crap year (yes, we know Dietrich likes him but that's only because he has compromising pictures of him and Slavia Ecclestone in a Nuns outfit) so we would like you to put Nico Rosberg into the second RB7 at Suzuka.

We are sure if you rouge his cheeks, add some spray stubble, dye his hair and give him some platform racing boots no one will notice. Let's face it his accent is less weird than Marky Mark's anyway. So, go on Christian, there's a nice bloke. I'll even buy you a can of Coke to wash away the bubblegum flavour from you mouth.

Cheers

Your every loving fan

FB

 

[teabagyokel]

Dear Ron,

You know better than to ask me how I read your e-mail.

There is no upcoming position at CVC, and there is no prison that can contain my influence.

Anyway, Colditz and all that. I'm off to the skin peeling room - can you believe it's been 6 months.

Bernie.

 

[Fenderman]

To: BCE
From: Ron

Dear, dear, oh dear Bernie,

I know that you have a deal with those NSA interweb spying chaps so I have no need to ask you how you came by the contents of my out-box. Suffice it to say that I have a similar deal with the Bundesnachrichtendienst. Der Teufel himself will not get you out of this one.

Sorry to see you go .

Bye

Ron

 

[teabagyokel]

Dear Minion,

How did Dennis find out we let the NSA use some of our spying equipment?

Ring Obama and tell him he can stick it.

Myself.

 

[teabagyokel]

Sam,

How did your loan with the Sochi organisers go?

Martin

 

[Fenderman]

Martin,

Dunno. What about your talks with Lotus?

Sam

 

[RasputinLives]

Sam,

I visited the Enstone factory but the gaffer had sent everyone home to look for spare change down the back of their sofas and count out their copper jars so they could do a 'filming' day.

Martin.

P.S. Did you know Christian Horner owns a donkey named Charles Pic?

 

[Fenderman]

Martin,

I've got a couple of coppers to spare but they're up on porno charges, oops wrong kind of coppers, heh, heh.

Re. the donkey. Yes I knew that because I read Clip.

Sam.

 

[teabagyokel]

To: Renault Sport
From: Horner, C

Renault,

Yeah, no, erm... I have a message to pass on from Adrian, that he doesn't want you to see, but I think is important, erm..., yes, no, here goes...

"Do Renault bloody think bloody Lotus and that Venezuelan eeijit are going to get them a title, they should create an engine that can be packaged in anyway efficiently without exploding. Someone should design a trebuchet that bloody crushes their stupid French headquarters, at some indeterminate time in the future..."

Yeah, no, erm... we also know the word "Merde" and will be leaking it to the French media.

Christian.

 

[RasputinLives]

Greetings your Bernieness!

I'm writing to your greatness to confirm that your long term plan to destroy FOTA has finally succeded and we shall now direct all resources into the closure of the Clip The Apex forum.

Thanks to your German dealings the engines have been fixed in order to set up a season long Lewis Hamilton/Jenson Button title battle. We remain confident that there no way that Mr Brogan will be able to stand the bickering and will close down the site. We have infiltrated the site in order to stir the pot and even paid agent Coulthard to wind a few people up.

We also are hatching plans in order to get Brogan's trusty lieutenants out the way. Its so long since we've seen KekeTheKing we believe he may have been shot.

Yours humberly

Minny the Minnion.

 

[teabagyokel]

Silly mortal,

Clip the Apex doesn't worry the grand Eccle, as you well know.

My glory will long outlast My opponents, as will My life, as it were.

Rosberg shall win, as I decreed, and the law of Germany will be spared My wrath.

The Lord Almighty.

 

[Jen]

Dear Lord,

I humbly beseech You to stick to the manual and rain down tempests, frogs and locusts on the chosen tracks this year - 2014AD, in case you have forgotten!

I would also ask that since it is the anniversary of WW1, You do not take any ill-founded steps to protect Germany. We are an Austrian outfit after all and, as such, are not at all competitive - we have a right to win.

Humbly

Christian (just one of many but hope to speak for all, once I conquer the stutter)

 

[teabagyokel]

Mr. Horner,

His Lordship has requested that your letters be not passed on to Him until you get your act together.

Yours,

His Office
FOM

 

[teabagyokel]

Mr. Horner,

His Lordship has requested that you take Car 3's "sensor issues" as due notice of His Intentions.

Yours,

His Office
FOM

 

[McZiderRed]

Bernie

Yes/no. "Sensor issues"? Surely the act of censorship is allowed? We merely stretched the boundaries. You say sensor, we say censor. All we did was censor out the bit we didn't like.

Car 3 has no censor issues...

Kind regards

Christian.

 

[teabagyokel]

Mr Horner

His Lordship wishes me to inform you that Car No.1 May develop even more reliability issues related to intransigence against His word.

Yours,

His Office,
FOM

 

[McZiderRed]

B.

Is that a threat?

Car No. 1 will be bullet proof! It's just the newness that's been a problem, so far. Once the car is not so new, Adrian has reliably informed me that the new smell will dissipate, leaving a reassuring smell of victory.

Perhaps your FIA "sensors" will pick up the refreshing whiff of RBR success.!

Yours sanctimoniously

Christian Horner

 

[teabagyokel]

Dear Sky Sports' Producers and Directors,

If you continue to show that Bernie Ecclestone erection joke, then we will be forced to withdraw your broadcasting licence.

Regards,

Ofcom.

 

[Jos the Boss]

Dear Ofcom

We apologise and would duly oblige but we can't withdraw now as it is just too hard.

Sky Sports F1 HD also availlabe in incredible 5.1 Dolby Surround Side
F1 Broadcaster of the year 2013

 

[teabagyokel]

Nico,

Frickin' screw you.

Mystery Writer

 

[Jen]

MW

I know who you are but wonder why you have turned on me?

I also wonder if I have got the right MW?

Nico