Tales from the Dark Side - Life (or something similar) from within the FOM Bunker

Deep within the FOM bunker a silver haired billionaire sits in a large leather chair stroking a fluffy white cat. A minion rushes in:

Minion: "Mr Ecclestone, Mr Ecclestone, the contributors of Clip the Apex are up in arms about your deal with Sky"

BE: "Fuck 'em, have em shot. Oh, and to really piss them off ban overtaking at the next race"

The minion walks out backwards scraping and bowing as the cat purrs loudly.

 

[FB]

Deep within the FOM bunker a silver haired Billionaire is counting his change from the penny jar he keeps in his office. A minion enters:

Minion: Sire, we have received a missive from someone called FB on the Clip the Apex website which is for your attention.
BE: Wanker, have him shot.

The minion exits bowing and scrapping.

 

[FB]

Deep within the FOM bunker a silver haired billionaire wanders, alone, from room to room. Papers blow across the floor, as the billionaire switches off the lights. As he wanders toward the steel reinforced outer door, his hand reaching for the final light switch to throw the bunker into complete darkness, a voice whispers from the darkness.

Minion: Sire, we are still here awaiting your instructions
BE: It's over, you can all go home
Minion: Thank you Oh Noble one, and thank you for giving us F1 for so many years
BE: Yeah, whatever

The silver haired billionaire switches off the light pulls open and then shuts the outer door, turning the key in the heavy lock.

In the darkness voices can be heard

Minion 1: How do we get out?
Minion 2: The front door stupid
Minion 3: He just locked it
Minion 1: Is there another way out?
Minion 2: Errr

All together: SIRE, SIRE, SIRE....

 

[FB]

Deep within the FOM bunker an American gentleman with a large, handlebar moustache is wandering around shining a torch into dark and, supposedly, empty offices. Occasionally the light falls upon an emaciated and dishevelled figure who then scuttles across into another darkened corner.

CC: Who's there?

A variety of hissing noises and muffled conversations can be heard.

CC: Who's there!

One of the figures, with his hand up to his eyes to protect them from the light, slithers forward.

Minion: Master?
CC: Hi, I'm Chase Carey
Minion: HISSSSS!
CC: Don't worry little feller, I wont' hurt you

The minion edges closer. As he does other figures start to emerge from the darkness.

Minion: New master?
CC: Well, not your master more your employer.
Minion: What is this word? Minion doesn't understand.
CC: I now run FOM and as part of the deal I got the Subterranean Minion Domicile. At least that's what Ron Dennis called it.
Minion: NEW MASTER!

All the figures rush forward and hug and stroke the large American gentleman.

CC: Okay, that's enough
Minion: We work for new master?
CC: Well, I suppose so. We will need to discuss pay and conditions.
Minion: Again New Master uses words we don't understand
CC: Shall we go outside?
Minion: Outside is forbidden. Dangerous.
CC: Oh, okay. Well, how about some light.
Minion: Minions so weak we can no longer pedal the generators to bring light.
CC: Errm...

Out of the darkness strides a large Italian gentleman. He takes a bite from a human arm and tosses it to one side. The minions scatter back into the darkness. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand

FB: Chase!

He hugs the large American, squeezing all the air form his lungs.

CC: Flav, what are you doing here?
FB: It's lunch time. I was hungry.
CC: How do we get some light down here?
FB: Give me your credit card

The large American reaches in to his wallet and hands over a Black American Express card. The large Italian gentleman rips it from his hand and runs into the darkness. He laughs maniacally as he disappears shouting "Fernando, Fernando, I can buy you a seat at Mercedes"

The minions start to re-appear.

CC: Come along you guys I have a bright, new office building for you to work in.

In a scene reminiscent of the Pied Piper the large American gentleman leads a long line of wasted and bedraggled people through the maze of tunnels and towards the entrance.