F1 Poetry

[Fenderman]

We're in Malaysia again,
And again it may rain,
If we pit our man,
It may mess our plan,
So let's just wait and see a for a bit.

Hmm, where is the rain?
Have we erred again?
Our mans tyres are shot,
And time he has lost,
Hmm, looks like we might be losing it.

If we'd gone for the box,
Not stayed out fearing rain drops,
We'd keep track position, perhaps,
Driving faster laps,
Hmm, we could have done with better work in the pit.

It occurs to me now with hindsight,
Our decision wasn't right,
We cost our bloke the win,
The chaps staying out would too come in,
Whether rain fell in a deluge or just a little spit.

Of course there is that other issue,
That we have no number one or two,
Leading driver has first call,
Is what we tell one and all,
But today we just did the opposite.

Seems we've done it once again,
Mclaren is afraid of the rain,
We've not done this once or twice,
Methinks it's more than thrice,
No wonder fans think our management is .....

 

[racecub]

Spurred on by Fenderman's excellent poem in the 'Jenson v Lewis' thread, Ive done one for Vettel

The Finger
Vettel’s finger ‘s back in use
Giving Karthekayan abuse;
Not the finger we usually see
“Number one!! Me!!`Me!! Me!!”
Not the loony finger sign,
Used when Webber stepped out of line.
It seems that if a car is hit,
Forcing Vettel to the pit,
It causes him a lot of strife
And Lo! The Finger comes to life.
This time the finger did the bird
Followed by an unkind word
Narain just shrugged and kept his cool
Vettel? He looked a bit of a tool.


Hey guys, what about a poetry competition after each race? That would give us some laughs!

 

[ExtremeNinja]

I quite like that idea. That was well worth a like there, Racecub.

 

[RasputinLives]

Nice one racecub! I might try my hand at it too

On one wet warm Malaysian afternoon
as F1 cars went round and round in a monsoon
a young Indian chap named Narian
fought hard to change his claim to fame
when his team and him decided to place their bets
and started the race upon full wets
Our hero did not have too long to wait
before everyone pitted and his was up to eigth
but the race was all to long in length
and before long he was down to tenth
and soon after that the rain went away
and poor Narain was suddenly in the way
He whinced at the scape of metel
thinking I've hit Button once now I've hit Vettel!
and just because Sebastian's car stopped working
he labbeled our man a Gerkin
but our man has to race as well ya know
its not his fault that HRT is so slow
drivers at the front aren't always all knowing
Narain thinks Sebastian should look where he's going
For now he'll drive his usual way
and pray for another race like in the USA.

 

[ExtremeNinja]

A little limerick for you:

There was a young boy called Sebastian,
He got upset 'cause he crashed-again,
His temper was wild
and he swore like a child
He now hopes that his car will be fast-again.

 

[gethinceri]

"Young lady from Ealing" anyone?

 

[racecub]

"Young lady from Ealing" anyone?

There was a young lady from Ealing
Who had to be fetched off the ceiling,
She'd just watched a race,
And thought it a disgrace
That McLaren did such wheeler dealing!

 

[siffert_fan]

There once was a driver named Lewis
whose most ARDENT fans try to woo us
And most of his losses
They blame on his bosses
They whine and they moan and boo-hoo us.

 

[Abnash24]

So we head to Shanghai
With Vettel, about to cry
Hamilton has frown
Maybe Shanghai can turn that upside down
Perez is looking mighty quick
Enough to make Massa worried sick
Fernando Alonso has won a race
But says his Ferrari still doesnt have the pace
Mercedes GP's pace is rotten
But they dont want us to have forgotten
That their F-Duct is the best
And that complaining makes you a pest
We hope that in Shanghai there will be no rain
Because it will save us a lot of pain
Of wondering who is the fastest
And who deserves to be lastest

 

[racecub]

There once was a driver named Lewis
whose most ARDENT fans try to woo us
And most of his losses
They blame on his bosses
They whine and they moan and boo-hoo us.

We're sorry that you're feeling bordem,
Because you dont like our decorum
You could take a walk,
When of Lewis we talk,
To another part of the forum.

 

[teabagyokel]

Vroom! Vroom! Vroom! Vroom! Vroom! Vroom! Vroom! Vroom!
Vroom! Vroom! Vroom! Vroom! Vroom! Vroom! Vroom!
Vroom! Vroom! Vroom! Vroom! Vroom! Vroom! Vroom!
Vroom! Vroom! Vroom!

 

[Brogan]

Inspired by Baldrick?

 

[teabagyokel]

Inspired by Baldrick?

Thats the one...

 

[racecub]

And Nico is out in front
What a race! What a pace!
And Nico is out in front.
A wheel not on! He wouldn’t have won,
Cos Nico was out in front.
Mark took flight, that was a sight!
While Nico was out in front.
They twisted and turned, and rubber was burned.
But Nicco stayed out in front.
Another wheel stuck, what rotten luck!
Now Nico is further in front.
He’s driving sublime, just look at his time
Nico is far out in front.
While others fought and points were sought
Nico sailed on in front.
It made my day I have to say
To see Nico out in front.
And to witness his pleasure, a memory he’ll treasure
The first time he finished in front.

 

[ExtremeNinja]

An ode to the Jenson vs Lewis thread by ExtremeNinja

(chorus to be repeated infinitely)

Round and round the cycle goes,
Where it stops, nobody knows...

 

[Jen]

Round and round the cycle goes
Where it stops, nobody knows
Until you find the diameter.

Round and round the cycle goes
Where it stops, nobody knows
Then across and round again
Until you find a radius

Round and round the cycle goes
Where it stops, nobody knows
Until you find the middle

Then all becomes a doddle


Move over Shakespeare and Satre!

 

[racecub]

Look what turned up out there in the etherI'm sure it will bring some smiles and some frowns, probably in equal measure.

ODE TO A RACING DRIVER

The whingers and groaners and radio moaners,
Shakers and movers when not on the track.
Smile, oh so nicely , ‘I’m everyone’s mate!!’
You don’t see the knife until its too late.
The wheelers and dealers who don’t miss a trick,
Cool operators whose actions are slick.
They play for the camera and talk themselves up,
Smooch the team boss like a love sick pup.
You can almost hear the shout,
“Martin, Martin, help me out!
Tell them just how good I am!
What a leader! What a man!
Not my fault when things amiss,
Come here Martin, giz a kiss!”
They struggle with balance, can’t find the grip,
You often seem to hear them quip.
“Not my fault, the car feels weird,
My helmets stuck in my straggly beard.
The wind has changed, the backs too loose,
I think I just ran over a goose.
Got no power, set up wrong,
The brake pedal feels too long.”
“KEEP HIM BACK, KEEP HIM BACK!
I’m the leader of this pack.”
‘Take that!’ The wheel turns in.
‘I want to win, I want to win!’
“What’s he doing!” Comes the cry.
(Now that was a little sly.)
Partner firmly in the wall,
Ha, result! Now let’s play ball!
Turn down engines, no overtakin
“MIKE NOT WORKIN’! MIKE NOT WORKIN’!”
‘That was easy, now I’m past.
He’s back in front! God he’s fast!’
“He’s hit me! He’s hit me! That’s not allowed!
Come on guys, he’s messin’ around!
Sort him out, he’s in my face,
I can’t have a newbie on my pace!”
After race, and Martin’s on tele,
Up runs driver, fire in his belly!
“He hit me! He hit me! He’s such a bad boy!
He used his car like a Tonka toy!”
“But sir, you drove him off the road,
Tell us about that while you’re talkin’”,
“MIKE NOT WORKIN’! MIKE NOT WORKIN’!”

By Nyx

 

[cider_and_toast]

What's in a name?

It was once so simple
and that was the aim
you had national colours
and each team had a name
firstly the sponsor
put his mark on the car
but changing the name
was going too far

But all that has gone
As I will try to explain
as each team changes
again and again
history is written
and records are made
but what's in a name
if the sponsorships paid

Lets blame Toleman
for starting this mess
When they became Benneton
for money I guess
Next it was Renault
who walked through the door
The same Renault
who'd raced Toleman before

Now Renault are Lotus
but I know you're confused
Because that was the name
that Caterham used
but Caterham purchased
the Team Lotus name
but then sold that to Lotus
who wanted the same

So now Renault are Lotus
but actually they're not
because it's only the sponsorship
that Renault have got
and Group Lotus cars
no longer play
which is a good thing for Renault
cause they don't have to pay

And what happened to Tyrell?
well they sold out to BAR
so Jacques Villeneuve
had his very own car
and BAR came and went
When Honda joined in
with that horrible earth car
that just couldn't win

So Honda pulled out
and in a new dawn
The sun rose on Ross
and his championship Brawn
Mercedes then came
and purchased the lot
now they seem happy
with all that they've got

And Jordan came next
that colourful team
that saw Eddie Jordan
living the dream
but we know nothing lasts
and for a couple of grand
he sold on the team
and they called it Midland

Midland stayed
but not for that long
and soon the team Spyker
was joinnig the throng
but too short of cash
they soon were no more
and so next, Force India
came through the door

Even little Minardi
their name had to go
replaced by the might
of Torro Rosso
while that drinks giant
may think it's cool
it's just the Italian
for awful Red Bull

While Sauber may seem immune
from all of this cack
they've been from Sauber
to BMW and back
And Manor racing
that proud Yorkshire crew
are now Marrusia
and once Virgin to

So come on F1
Give it a rest
The original names
are always the best
So here's to Tyrell
Manor and Jordan
little Minardi
and long lost Toleman

Though your garages are empty
your spirit lives on
and your still on the grid
though your names maybe gone
and to stop the debacle
before we let one more name go
those up in Paris
need to learn to say "No"


(A cider and toast original - 25/7/13)

 

[cider_and_toast]

A word to my honey.

(best spoken in a rap style)

Yo Yo Yo this rhyme is for my honey
I miss you so much
and you know it ain't funny

don't need to buy you diamonds
I know you'd put them in the bin
I'll drive for you in Hungary
and dedicate the win

I need you by my side
like a farmer needs his tractor
I swear I'll watch every episode
when you're doing the X Factor
I need to mesh my life with yours
like a gear box needs a cog
and when I wake up next to you
the smell is better than my dog

I did everything you asked of me
when dad said I'd never pull her
You know that's why he had to go
and I signed to Simon Fuller
like Grosjean's overtaking
we need to keep our lives on track
so come on Nicole baby
you've just got to take me back

I walked out on McLaren
cos you wanted me to drive a Merc
I said rude things to Ron Dennis
and told him he's a berk
what more could I do for you?
our life will be so glam
you'll always be my Lotus
while I'm your Caterham

If I said I wanted you on pole
would you think of me as rude
I'll even wear my racesuit
and be your racing dude
When I stand upon that podium
and I see my national flag
I won't ruin the moment baby
with misplaced helmet gag

So come on Nicole honey
I'm the biggest F1 hitter
don't stop talking to me daily
or cut me off on twitter
there is no other woman
at whom I would rather look
so if you want to love me
then friend me on facebook

This race was just the start
for you I'll give it all
I'll dedicate the title
or Sebastian Vettel
I'll take on any challenge
so baby name your price
just not team mates with Button
he's done better than me twice

(another C_A_T original 29/7/13)

 

[cider_and_toast]

The first lap with Romain

So here we go folks, we're almost ready to start
but there's just one driver who won't take part
Webber is out with his car in bits
he was hit by Romain on his way from the pits

So out go the lights and things have got worse
It seems that Romain has selected reverse
Bottas just misses and what a close call
But Chilton pulls up against the pit wall

And Romain is off and forwards this time
he's left himself a mountain to climb
down into turn one has he left it too late
smacked into the gravel is Bianchi's fate

Catching up hard on the rest of the pack
Romain is charging on maximum attack
Button is dispatched his front wing broke
Di Resta pushed off in a cloud of smoke

And Caterham have lost Van Der Garde
as a flying Renault strikes him hard
Ricciardo has stopped his car on fire
Sutil pulls up with a shredded rear tyre

Romain is flying quite literally
as he sails over Pic and into turn three
Hamilton's car is left looking odd
with a Grosjean shaped mark on his side pod

Bottas who thought his race was alive
Is smacked into the gravel at the apex of five
Maldanado is punted into the grass
as Romain drives on, showing his class

Vergne and Gutierrez are right in the mix
they're both hit by Romain rounding turn six
The escape road beckons Massa's car
as Grosjean proves he's really a star

Hulkenberg's spinning he's lost his back end
the mechanics are going to have plenty to mend
Perez tries hard to keep out of the way
but smacks into Rosberg and that ends their day

Raikkonen finds out that Romain can't wait
as he's punted aside by his charging team mate
While Alonso gets the same sort of deal
as he''s left in his car but minus a wheel

it's amazing how quickly carbon will break
as a broken Vettel is left in his wake
I don't think Romain knows what he's done
as he starts the next lap there in P1

the safety cars out to pick up the bits
while one or two cars are dragged to the pits
and just when it looked like a win for Romain
he drives his poor Renault into a track crane

(yet another C_A_T original 30/07/13)