Football The Worst Football Cliches

[Bus Stop Chicane]

Thought I would create a thread for this as I've been hearing a lot of them lately and quite frankly I need to release my frustration. You can come up with some that really annoy you too. Here's a few:

"I think the first goal is going to be important."

Really??? I never would have guessed. I generally thought it was important as the team who gets the first goal is then WINNING THE GAME OF FOOTBALL!

"Gerrard scores in front of the Kop."

A favourite with Clive Tyldesley, although we've not had to endure it quite so much due to Liverpool's lack of involvement in the Champions League recently. Constantly banging on about how a certain end of the ground is so special really cheeses me off to be honest.

"They're all sixes and sevens at the back."

Why not fours and fives? Or twos and threes?

"It was 1-0 but it could easily have been 6 or 7."

Yes but it wasn't because they missed quite a few chances. I'm guessing this is said to emphasise how much a team dominated but it's still a ridiculous thing to say.

Got any more good ones I've forgotten?

 

[MCLS]

"At the end of the day"

Listening to footballers/commentators you'd think everything happened at the end of the day!

 

[Johnny Carwash]

It's a game of two halves.
There are no easy games in International football.

 

[mjo]

"On paper...."
Football's a game played on the pitch.
"we have to take it a game at a time"
You don't say....

 

[McZiderRed]

"For the Rooneys* of this world..." - you mean there is more than one Rooney!
Any commentary by Guy Mowbray, John Motson or Clive Tyldesley. They all get on my tits.
Although, I do quite like the commentary by Jonathan Pearce. Apparently, he's a Bristol City supporter, you know...

* insert name of any given player...

 

[teabagyokel]

"GERRARD*! What a goal that would have been" *Select from: Gerrard, Rooney, Messi, Ronaldo, V. Persie, Flavour of the Month

But due to insufficient accuracy, it wasn't.

There are no easy games in International football.

NB: San Marino 0-13 Germany

"He had the goalkeeper beaten but it went wide"

No, he didn't. The goalkeeper only has to defend his goal, thus any shot that beat him must have been at least on target.

"There was contact"

Yes, there was. That does not mean it was a penalty. Often, a player dives first then catches the defender...

"He's a real talisman!"

Only if he's won every game he's played at the club.

"Young* went down a little easy there" compared to "Its a blatant dive by Suarez**" *Select a British player **Select a usually Latin player

I don't like diving, but neither do I pretend British players don't do it.

"The best league in the world"

Have a look at the English success rate in Europe this season. Suggests it might not be. So they say you don't get high-scoring games involving top sides abroad. Inter 4-4 Cagliari, anyone. Oh, so its unpredictable. How many times have Man U won the Premier League. 12 out of 18 and 4 of the last 5, you say?

"He'll be interesting Premier League scouts"

Meaning "I've never heard of this foreign player", seen often at World Cups. When Sergio Aguero scored 2 vs Swansea on his Man City debut, one of the papers said "A Star is Born". Give me strength!

"I think the first goal is going to be important."

And the next goal etc.

"It was 1-0 but it could easily have been 6 or 7."

A particular Hansen favourite, that one: "It was eight, it could have been eighteen". As if eight wasn't impressive enough!

"Dangerous cross from Gerrard*" *Rooney, Messi, Ronaldo, RVP

In the case he's just failed to beat the first defender etc. You don't have to say everything he does is good, it lessens the impact of those times he actually does something half-decent.

"You wouldn't put it past him."

What to score? His job. No, mate, I wouldn't.

"The #9 shirt is so special up here"

I'm sure if it has black and white stripes its special up there. No-one cares the number on the goalscorer's back. Especially bad when stuff like the Liverpool #7 - because Harry Kewell was so much a genius in that shirt...

"Failing to justify his price tag"

If its above £0, its more than Barcelona paid for Messi, Xavi, Busquets, Puyol and Iniesta combined, so you've got to say thats quite likely.

"He won it almost singlehandedly"

No, he didn't.

I have more, and I probably will be back here when I think of them...

 

[Road of Bones]

Everything about Football is a cliche...

...I'll get me coat!

 

[Bus Stop Chicane]

"The best league in the world"

This really gets on my nerves. One guy on talkSPORT radio was talking about the Swansea-Manchester City result and how that wouldn't happen anywhere else. Basically it's too predictable in Spain, Italy, Germany etc.

Um, well Inter Milan are 7th as far as I'm aware this season, Wolfsburg won the title in 2009, then just survived relegation on the last day of the season last year, and in France Montpellier are challenging for the title, with Lyon down in 7th!

These people probably haven't watched a game from another country in their live.

 

[teabagyokel]

This really gets on my nerves. One guy on talkSPORT radio was talking about the Swansea-Manchester City result and how that wouldn't happen anywhere else. Basically it's too predictable in Spain, Italy, Germany etc.

Read this out like the classified results:

2011-12 Season Results That Actually Happened Check

La Liga
Getafe 1-0 Barcelona
Levante 1-0 Real Madrid
Osasuna 3-2 Barcelona

Serie A
Internazionale 0-1 Novara
Fiorentina 0-1 Lecce
Catania 2-1 Napoli
Atalanta 4-1 Roma

Bundesliga
Borussia Dortmund 1-2 Hertha Berlin
Freiburg 1-0 Borussia Moenchengladbach
Schalke 04 1-2 Kaiserslautern

and many many more.

 

[Jos the Boss]

Man United 2-3 Blackburn
Newcastle 3-0 Man United
Swansea 1-0 Man City
West Brom 1-0 Chelsea
See unpredictable!

 

[teabagyokel]

I'm not saying the Premier League isn't unpredictable.

One guy on talkSPORT radio was talking about the Swansea-Manchester City result and how that wouldn't happen anywhere else.

It is just not the only unpredictable league in Europe. The difference is our top teams are crap - the top two can't get to the Last Eight of the Europa League.

 

[Bus Stop Chicane]

"At the end of the day, it's a game of two halves and while it was 1-0 it could easily have been 7 or 8".

Alan Hansen essentially gets paid £40,000 an EPISODE to say something like that. What an unbelieveable waste of license fee payer's money.

 

[Johnny Carwash]

The manager has lost the dressing room.
Transfer War Chest
The League table doesn't lie.

 

[teabagyokel]

The Transfer Window slamming shut

Hopefully like your mouth, Jim White.

 

[Brogan]

The group of death.

 

[Johnny Carwash]

The group of death.

Copy cat

 

[Brogan]

I've been trying to think of one for days!

Not easy when you don't watch any football

 

[Johnny Carwash]

The other team wanted it more.
It was a stone wall penalty.
They are to good to go down.

 

[Brogan]

Ooh, ooh, I've got one.

"It's a mug's game."

 

[Galahad]

Not a cliche, but something I genuinely heard on Radio 5 today:

"He's just got his body between himself and the ball"

The mind boggles.