ROOTERSPORT

Discussion in 'Clip The Apex Presents...' started by Fenderman, Sep 6, 2011.

  1. Fenderman

    Fenderman Rooters Reporter

    Featured Threads:
    1
    Fantasy F1 Profile:
    FF1 Profile
    ROOTERSPORT
    A ROOTERSPORT NEWS Unusual Kind of Race Review in May 2013
    Editorial

    It is often said that a picture can speak a thousand words, or words to that effect. Funnily enough so can statistics. In fact, statistics not only paint a thousand pictures they can be interpreted and reinterpreted in a myriad of ways just like pictures. Now Rad Booton (Rootersports lead reporter) could attempt to write a review about the Worlds Fastest Blokes and Worlds Fastest Race Car Building Blokes championship race that took place in Espania the other weekend. Unfortunately, apart from moans and groans about crap tyres, punctures, delamination and deflated fans, there wasn't much that caught his eye (creative writingly speaking). However, in cases like these we have a resident statistician who readily steals information from the Wikkapeedja and the statistics section of Clip The Apes.

    We don't normally mention her name but we will break from tyradition just so's you know that Fenderman's head has a feminine side (usually only used to get Fenderman and his head inhabitants out of bother using cunning, guile and communication skills rather than good old fashioned male attributes such as aggression and wanton violence). Since we are about to give her promotion we thought it timely to introduce you to her via her first public contribution to Rootersport and Clip The Apes. Here is her first piece.

    Tellie Fenderman, Editor in Headscarf. Rootersport.

    Roll On The New Formula For 2014 Onward

    Maybe this should be in print somewhere else but I can't help thinking that two years of dodgy tyres have contributed to F1 being dumbed down. These are some statistics for the Circuito del Catálogo De Los Menos, which is lest we forget, one of the two key pre-season testing tracks.

    It is my opinion that the cars and drivers are capable of considerably more pace than we are allowed to witness. This may or may not be a bad thing, especially if we want to keep our pilots safe, warm and cuddly in their cock-pits. Oh, while I think of it, that's fortunate that that little area of the car is named after a male portion of the anatomy, isn't it. Oops. I digress, but I've been told that it's okay to do that in Rootersport reports. For obvious reasons, apparently.

    Anyway, when one considers the investment the teams make in terms of material, financial and human resources it seems that, for the past three years at least, they may as well have been running their 2009 or 2010 cars. That would have been a very effective way of saving money. Coincidentally, in the last three years of my employment all of our salaries were frozen to help save a business that went belly up anyway but that's another story for the non-fiction threads if Fenderman ever wants to own up to being in such a parlous situation. Recessions sure are strange.

    So, although readers are unfamiliar with my work I have been given the opportunity to present some short, sharp statistics to demonstrate how Formula Wonderful has been slowed down and is firmly off the Premier Class in Motor Sport Perch. If anyone wants to cut and paste this info' into a serious discussion thread , please feel free to do so. All we ask at Rootersport is that a link to our humble publication is included so as to credit my work. Just as an aside I have included the figures for the 2006 race which was the last race prior to the bastardisation of modification of the final turn leading onto that marvellously long straight where Nigella Manliness and Ayrton Senna (who's very late and respected indeed so don't expect me to take the piss out of his name). drove boot to boot in that fantastic squabble for the first corner ... ah but that's another slice of history ...

    So here it is. Who needs chapter and verse? Who needs a painting the size of the Sistine Chapel? It's ...


    ... The Spanish Grand Prix - a Recent History - In Stat's ...


    2013
    Pole: Nico Rosberg, Mercedes - 1:20.718
    Fastest lap: Esteban Gutiérrez - Sauber-Ferrari - 1:26.217 (lap 56)
    Winner: Fernando Alonso - race time: 1:39:16.596
    Lapped everyone up to and including Daniel Ricciardo in 10th.
    Weather: Sunny

    2012
    Pole: Pastor Maldonado - Williams-Renault - 1:22.285
    Fastest lap Romain Grosjean - Lotus-Renault - 1:26.250 (lap 53)
    Winner Pastor Maldonado - Williams-Renault - 1:39:09.145
    Lapped everyone up to and including Nico Hulkenberg in 10th.
    Weather: Partially cloudy, dry – air temperature 22 °C (72 °F) track temperature 35 °C (95°F), 6 °C (11 °F).

    2011
    Pole: Mark Webber - Red Bull-Renault - 1:20.981
    Fastest lap: Lewis Hamilton - McLaren-Mercedes -1:26.727 (lap 52)
    Winner: Sebastian Vettel - Red Bull-Renault – 1:39:03.301
    Lapped everyone up to and including Alonso in 5th.
    Weather: Mainly sunny,Fine and Dry, Air Temp 27 °C (81 °F), Track Temp 33 °C (91 °F) to 44 °C (111 °F)

    2010
    Pole: Mark Webber - Red Bull-Renault - 1:19.995
    Fastest lap: Lewis Hamilton - McLaren-Mercedes - 1:24.357 (lap 59)
    Winner: Mark Webber - Red Bull-Renault - 1:35:44.101
    Lapped everyone up to and including Rubens Barrichello in 9th.
    Weather: Mainly cloudy, dry

    2009*
    Pole: Jenson Button, Brawn-Mercedes - 1:20.527
    Fastest lap: Rubens Barrichello, Brawn-Mercedes - 1:22.762(lap 28)
    Winner: Jenson Button, Brawn-Mercedes - 1:37:19.202
    Lapped everyone up to and including Lewis Hamilton in 9th.
    Total race time included 4 lap Safety Car period
    Weather: Warm, Sunny

    2008
    Pole: Kimi Räikkönen, Ferrari - 1:21.813
    Fastest lap: Kimi Räikkönen - 1:21.670 (lap 46)
    Winner: Kimi Räikkönen - 1:38:19.051
    Lapped everyone up to and including 10th placed G Fisichella
    Total race time included 4 lap Safety Car period
    Weather: Sunny - air temperature 23 °C (73 °F), track temperature 38 °C (100 °F)

    2007
    Pole: Felipe Massa, Ferrari - 1:21.421
    Fastest lap: Felipe Massa - 1:22.680 (lap 14)
    Winner: Felipe Massa - 1:31:36.230**
    Lapped everyone up to and including Takumo Sato in 8th.
    Weather: Sunny and warm

    Notes:
    *Refuelling ban invoked for 2010 onward.
    ** 2007 First start aborted when Jarno Trulli (Toyota) stalled on grid, causing 2nd formation lap and race reduced to 65 laps.

    Finally, just for laff's, 2006 Last season of before the rubbish track modification to the last corner

    Pole: Fernando Alonso, Renault - 1:14.648
    Fastest lap: Felipe Massa - 1:16.648 (lap 42)
    Winner: Fernando Alonso - 1:26:21.759
    Lapped everyone up to and including Mark Webber in 9th.

    I know my conclusions, now draw your own ...

    Mzzzz X, Senior Statistics Thief Analyst, Rootersport (a division of RooterNation Enterprises incorporating Rooters News, Rooters World, Rooting Today and a whole load of other stuff made up as we go along) 8-)


    Editors Note: We have intentionally used the names of real people and real teams in the presentation of these statistics. No offense is meant to any of them whether they are indeed real or, if indeed, they may happen to be fictional and figments of their own imaginations in much the same way as the entire core staff team at Rooters News, Rootersport, Rooting Today, Badgers Today and any other of our affliates. Thanks a bunch. Tellie.
     
  2. Google AdSense Guest Advertisement



    to remove all adverts.
  3. Fenderman

    Fenderman Rooters Reporter

    Featured Threads:
    1
    Fantasy F1 Profile:
    FF1 Profile
    ROOTERSPORT
    A ROOTERSPORT NEWS Unusual Kind of Race Review in May 2013
    The Grand Prix de Monaco held on the Circuit de Monaco Monte Carlo


    Editorial

    Well, well, well. The Monaco Grand Prix. It is perhaps the most marmite race on the World's Fastest Blokes and World's Bestest Race Car Builders Championships calendar. To many it is just a procession with the finishing order sorted in the qualyfighting. To others it is a competition to see which driver and car combo's can survive the race to finish at all. The former group watch it anyway and profess not to enjoy it and the latter group can't take their eyes off of it. We in the meeja have to enjoy it regardless. Personally, I do as do most of the inhabitants of my head.

    Monaco has an atmosphere and ambiance unlike any other race. It is steeped in history and mystique. The race is not about man against man or team against team. It is more a race of man and machine versus the track. Formula Wonderful (F1) race cars have long eclipsed the capacity of the narrow, armco lined, street circuit. It has always been a challenge for the fastest cars in motor sport but these days the skill in winning it is, as the legendary three times Monaco winner Jackie Stewart once said, “to win it as slowly as possible”. On Sunday Nicorette Rosicrucianberg did just that. Our newest front line reporter, Mzzzz X (whose name remains a secret for security reasons, ours not hers) brings another of her unusual statistical race reports. Enjoy.

    Tellie Fenderman, Editor in Headscarf. Rootersport.

    The Monaco Grand Prix - a Recent History

    When I read Fenderman's editorial I knee jerked. Who put the word “her” in”another”. It never ceases to amaze me how deeply sexism is ingrained in the English language. My apologies, I digress but I couldn't let that pass without comment.

    Anyway, I realised on Sunday that Nicorette Rosicrucionberg has finally laid to rest the idea that he will never be an F1 great. He won the Monaco Grand Prix very slowly which by Jackie Stewart's high standards, was a sign of greatness. Interestingly, Fettlespeltvettel could not resist pumping in the fastest race lap in the death throes of the race. I asked myself "was that sensible?" and what will the comparative statistics tell me about what I just saw.

    Talking about what I just saw, Tellie didn't mention another group of Formula wonderful fans. They are the ones who totally and utterly detest Monaco because they are fixated with superstar drivers and have only a superficial interest in the complexity of the competition behind the scenes including the technical challenges. This bunch would happily see F1 become a “spec' series” so that it is absolutely equal and fair for the drivers. For that group if their favourite driver does badly then the disappointment is palpable and everyone in close proximity will suffer the consequences. Thankfully, none of these people inhabit Clip The Apes or read Rooters. Phew.

    Oh, so, yes, the race. Well a lot happened, actually. The sensible newbies survived and the silly ones didn't, although one could hardly call them all newbies. It's just they looked like they were all newbies. Hints of what was to come were liberally spread all over in practice and qualyfighting. The crashes for Massagedneck, Perezoomingtoomuch and Grossjeans seemed the most indicative. Massage's crashes on Saturday and Sunday were almost identical and now appear to be down to issues with his Fewwawi. However, Perezooma and Grossjeans demonstrated that they have never heard of Jackie Stewart. Either that or they just think he's an interfering little Scottish bloke who was lucky enough to win three World championships when F1 cars were slow and easy to drive. Like Morris Minors.

    Ferrariando Notsoslow was slow. So slow that he drove a race in anonymity and once Massage was out I don't remember seeing much of a Fewwawi for the rest of the day. Hamburgerman spent the day driving slowly as well but played the first stint as a solid number two. Any debts owing to Rosicrucianberg are now paid up. Kimime Reckonhe'sreallybacknow drove a fine race in spite of being attacked by the loon Perezooma. Meanwhilst his team mate Grosjeans confirmed Fenderman's suspicions that he has an incurable mental deficit. Maybe he should take up drag racing or rallying. Personally, I would worry if he was driving on the same section of motorway as me. In fact I took the precaution of going home by boat, just in case.

    Anyway, enough is enough. Slyboogy posted a decent upsum pf the race here @slyboogy's review

    so on to my comparative statistical thnigy. Here it is just so folk's can see if the season is going according to the Fix-It-Anyway-They-Can plan. As usual make of it what you will. Significant times are highlighted ion red.

    The Grand Prix de Monaco held on the Circuit de Monaco Monte Carlo

    Street circuit, 3.34 km (2.08 mi) in length and last modified in 2003. The scheduled distance is 78 laps equal to 260.52 km (162.24 mi) or 2 hours duration whichever comes first.

    2013
    78 laps, 260.52 km (162.24 mi)
    Pole: Nico Rosberg Mercedes 1:13.876
    Fastest lap: Sebastian Vettel Red Bull-Renault 1:16.577 on lap 77
    Winner: Nico Rosberg Mercedes – Race time: 1:52:32.126 (2:17:52.056 minus 25:19.930 stoppage)

    All finishers on lead lap
    Up to and inc 16th Sergio Pérez McLaren-Mercedes DNF'd
    Weather Sunny, dry.

    2012
    78 laps, 260.52 km (162.24 mi)
    Pole: Mark Webber Red Bull-Renault 1:14.381
    Fastest lap: Sergio Pérez Sauber-Ferrari 1:17.296 on lap 49
    Winner: Mark Webber - 1:46:06.557
    Lapped everyone up to and including Sergio Pérez Sauber-Ferrari 11th
    Up to and including Jenson Button McLaren-Mercedes DNF'd.
    Weather ?

    2011
    78 laps, 260.52 km (162.24 mi)
    Pole: Sebastian Vettel Red Bull-Renault 1:13.556
    Fastest lap: Mark Webber Red Bull-Renault 1:16.234 on lap 78
    Winner: Sebastian Vettel - 2:09:38.373
    Lapped everyone up to and including Adrian Sutil - Force India-Mercedes 7th
    Weather Sunny, Fine and Dry Air Temp 24 °C (75 °F)[2]
    Track Temp 44 °C (111 °F)[2]

    Multiple safety cars and a red flag with something like a 20 minute or so delay before a restart for the last few laps. Total race time was probably around 1hr 50 min's.

    2010
    78 laps, 260.52 km (162.24 mi)
    Pole: Mark Webber Red Bull-Renault 1:13.826
    Fastest lap: Sebastian VettelRed Bull-Renault 1:15.192 on lap 71
    Winner: Mark Webber 1:50:13.355
    11 finishers on lead lap. 12 classified and including Vitaly Petrov
    Renault DNF'd on lap 73
    Weather Mainly cloudy, dry

    2009*
    78 laps, 260.52 km (162.24 mi)
    Pole: Jenson Button Brawn-Mercedes 1:14.902
    Fastest lap: Felipe Massa Ferrari 1:15.154 on lap 50
    Winner: Jenson ButtonBrawn-Mercedes 1:40:44.282
    Lapped everyone up to and including Timo Glock Toyota in 10th
    Weather Sunny


    2008
    76 laps, 253.84 km (158.08 mi)
    Pole: Felipe Massa Ferrari 1:15.787
    Fastest lap: Kimi Räikkönen Ferrari 1:16.689 on lap 74
    Winner: Lewis Hamilton McLaren-Mercedes 2:00:42.742
    Lapped everyone up to and including - Fernando Alonso Renault 10th
    Weather Wet, drying later.

    2007
    78 laps, 260.52 km (162.24 mi)
    Pole: Fernando Alonso - McLaren-Mercedes 1:15.726
    Fastest lap: Fernando Alonso: 1:15.284 on lap 44
    Winner: Fernando Alonso: 1:40:29.329
    Lapped everyone up to and including Giancarlo Fisichella Renault 4th
    Weather Cloudy Air Temp 24-27oC Track Temp 33-42oC[1]

    .. and as usual just for laff's but this time for no good reason at all … except for the 3rd quickest pole lap and the fastest lap in this 8 year summary ...

    2006
    Race distance/duration 78 laps, 260.52 km (162.24 mi)
    Pole: Fernando Alonso - Renault: 01:13.962
    Fastest lap: Michael Schumacher - Ferrari: 1:15.143 (lap 74)
    Winner: Fernando Alonso 1:43:43.116
    Lapped everyone up to and including Nick Heidfeld (BMW Sauber) in 7th.
    Weather: Fine

    Note: *Refuelling ban invoked for 2010 onward.

    Mzzzz X, Senior Statistics Thief Analyst, Rootersport (a division of RooterNation Enterprises incorporating Rooters News, Rooters World, Rooting Today and a whole load of other stuff made up as we go along) 8-)
    Editors Note: We have intentionally used the names of real people and real teams in the presentation of these statistics. No offense is meant to any of them whether they are indeed real or, if indeed, they may happen to be fictional and figments of their own imaginations in much the same way as the entire core staff team at Rooters News, Rootersport, Rooting Today, Badgers Today and any other of our affliates. Thanks a bunch. Tellie.
     
    Road of Bones, Jen and McZiderRed like this.
  4. Fenderman

    Fenderman Rooters Reporter

    Featured Threads:
    1
    Fantasy F1 Profile:
    FF1 Profile
    ROOTERSPORT
    A ROOTERSPORT NEWS Unusual Kind of Race Driver Update June 2013
    After The Grand Prix de Monaco held on the Circuit de Monaco Monte Carlo


    Editorial

    Rumours of excessive Edam eating have reached the ears of Rootersport. Following a fairly anonymous drive at Monaco recently, Formula Wonderful new boy race car driver, Guileless Van Dent Der Mudguard is reported to have been consuming large amounts of the infamous Nederlander cheese. Our intrepid reporter RasputinLives reports …

    Racing Driver Consumes Copious Amounts of Edam Cheese After Monaco Race Horror

    Guileless Van Dent Der Mudguard had a steady Sunday drive to a creditable, for the Caterham-is-a-small-town-in-Surrey-and-no-longer-Lotus-Team, 15th place finish in Monaco the other day. However, he blighted his copy book by dodging work with the team last week to eat some of those great big red roundels of Edam cheese.

    “Sure,” he said ,when I probed him about it in the nicest possible way. “I could be working with the tyres but I find that Edam is more round and reminiscent of the good old days when F1 had big fat tyres. Not only that I believe these Edam roundels have a lot more grip and durability than Pirellis. For sure.”

    There is someone out there talking crap about every driver or sport star every day in the hope that some paper or internet site will pick up on it. They describe it as 'work'. We at Rooters think there seems to be more crap talked about Lewisham Hamburgerman because it is picked up more mainly because he has such a huge fat fan base.

    I mean, I've been saying Guileless Van Dent Der Mudguard will never be a proper F1 driver whilst he keeps stuffing his face with Edam cheese and listening to that damn Nederlander folk music, but none of the main tabloids have printed any of it, so we have.

    RasputinLives Spare Reporter, Rootersport (a division of RooterNation Enterprises incorporating Rooters News, Rooters World, Rooting Today and a whole load of other stuff made up as we go along) 8-)
     
  5. Fenderman

    Fenderman Rooters Reporter

    Featured Threads:
    1
    Fantasy F1 Profile:
    FF1 Profile
    ROOTERSPORT
    A ROOTERSPORT NEWS fillerJune 2013
    Titbits of News Issue

    Great news today in Canadado a Grand Prix P1 coverage on the Beeb. We learned that Williams has a new CEO with shed loads of experience in the motor manufacturing arena. I'm especially gratified to learn about his experience churning out the lumbering 4x4 off-road thingy Land Rover (or is that Landrover, can never remember). With the need to jump high kerbs and cross grassy run-off so important in F1 these days, especially in Canadado, this can only be in the nick of time and welcome news to everyone.LOL

    P,S. No offense meant. Just kidding and wishing him all the best in the new job.

    Rad Booton, Rovering Reporter, Rootersport (a division of RooterNation Enterprises incorporating Rooters News, Rooters World, Rooting Today and a whole load of other stuff made up as we go along) 8-)
     
    McZiderRed, teabagyokel and Jen like this.
  6. Fenderman

    Fenderman Rooters Reporter

    Featured Threads:
    1
    Fantasy F1 Profile:
    FF1 Profile
    ROOTERSPORT
    A ROOTERSPORT NEWS fillerJune 2013
    Titbits of News Issue

    Chrysanthemum Hornybloke tells Suziebiker Perry-is-a-wimps-version-of-cider that he is still angry about Test-gate. Fast becoming the whiniest git in Formula Wonderful, Hornybloke continues with his venomous assault on the Mercator Projected team. Clearly Red Booll are worried about a resurgent competitor to threaten RBR's dominance in F1. Regardless of how Mercator Projected have broken one set of testing rules, the fact that Pirlelli have been given permission to use F1 teams without any adequate rules in place for their tyre testing has thus far escaped Hornybloke's attention.

    Well, tough titty Hornyman, nastiness has a habit of biting back. Whilst Rootersports bears allegiance to no-one, we have no reservations about stooping as low as possible in our pursuit of a story ... and a victim. So, every wing you bend, every clause you twist, we will be watching you. Every diffuser you blow, every plank you hinge, every rule you break, every move you make, we'll be ...
    ... persecuting you, buddy.:p


    Rad Booton, Rovering Reporter, Rootersport (a division of RooterNation Enterprises incorporating Rooters News, Rooters World, Rooting Today and a whole load of other stuff made up as we go along) 8-)
     
  7. Fenderman

    Fenderman Rooters Reporter

    Featured Threads:
    1
    Fantasy F1 Profile:
    FF1 Profile
    ROOTERSPORT
    A ROOTERSPORT NEWS Issue in July 2013

    The Grand Prix of Blighty held on the Circuit of Slicerstone
    the kerbstone of Blightyish motor racing

    MAYHEM IN JUNE

    Editorial

    Now that all of the inhabitants of Fenderman's head have got over their post race hangover, we feel that we can attend to the important matter of bringing a review (of sorts) to you, our esteemed readership.

    Last weekend's Blighty GP was a remarkable and perhaps even historic event...

    To begin with, thus far this season, we have seen the world's fastest blokes having to be slower than they want to be in order to manage their tyres. Following grumbles from the fans after Monarcho the blokes tried very hard to give everyone what they had been beying for all year – balls out, full on motor racing. So that was kind of “recently historic” as it had not really happened since Austin-not-the-car, in Texass, last season.

    Another interesting slice of history was the win for Mercator Projected at a Blighty GP since their heydays in the 1950's and in the hands of their Prussian Pilot, Nicorette Rosicrucianberg.

    A less desirable slice of history was the post-Tyregate mayhem of the multitude of dramatically and catastrophically failing boots. Kimime Rightbackinit and Ferrariando Notslowbutslightyscared were the two luckiest blokes to go home instead of to hospital. Both narrowly escaped horrendous life-threatening consequences of the tyres exploding in the cars ahead of them.

    How Fenderman has avoided gloating and saying things like “I told you so” and “That's what I've been talking about for eighteen ****ing months” I don't know, and I am in his ****ing head! In here it's been a scratched record. He thinks things like “one day there'll be a serious accident”, “Why don't they admit that artificially indurable tyres are a safety issue”, “blah, blah, ****ing blah ...”

    Just thank your lucky stars that Fenderman takes two days to carefully craft his big posts so as to avoid (if possible) causing offence. Otherwise Brogan would have to ban him and we, the less offensive types, in his head would not be able to entertain and inform you folks with this shit.

    Anyway, Slyboogy posted a decent upsum of the race but we won't print it here as a “Guest Writer Special” because our readership is more than capable of following this here link:http://cliptheapex.com/threads/2013...ying-race-discussion.6298/page-13#post-206544

    So onto the Blighty GP review which again comes from our resident stat's person Ms Xxxx

    Tellie Fenderman, Editot in Chief, Rootersport (A division of Rooters Interesting Irrational News Network, Allegedly, incorporating Badger's Today).8-)

    Please turn to page two for the:

    Blighty GP Shows Us What Happens When The Worlds fastest Blokes Try To Get The Most Out Of The Worlds Bestest Racing Cars: MAY****INGHEM!!
     
    Last edited: Nov 18, 2013
  8. Fenderman

    Fenderman Rooters Reporter

    Featured Threads:
    1
    Fantasy F1 Profile:
    FF1 Profile
    ROOTERSPORT
    A ROOTERSPORT NEWS Issue in July 2013
    The Grand Prix of Blighty held on the Circuit of Slicerstone
    the kerbstone of Blightyish motor racing
    Page Two
    Blighty GP Shows Us What Happens When The Worlds fastest Blokes Try To Get The Most Out Of The Worlds Bestest Racing Cars: MAY****INGHEM!!
    First a word about the Sliverstone circuit as The track was modified for 2010 with an increase in length to 5.901 km (3.667 miles) and the loss of the classic “Bridge” section with a new knadgery section in its place. It's okay for some. Race distance is 52 laps which now equates to 306.747 km (190.604 miles). Therefore, for comparative purposes this stat's snapshot review will only go back four seasons. Still less work for me so that's great. :D
    As usual make of it what you will. Significant times are highlighted in red, fastest in bold and red.
    The Blighty Grand Prix - a Recent History
    The Grand Prix of Blighty held on the Circuit of Sliverstone Blighty
    Lewisham Hamburgerman (Lewis Hamilton for short) punched in a mighty qualifying lap for this, his home race, notching fastest times in all three sectors. Even so this 1:29.607 was still only marginally faster than Sebastian Vettel's 1:29.615 from way back in 2010. This was possibly the first race of 2013 where the blokes have extracted everything from the current iterations of the World's fastest racing cars. Nevertheless fastest lap and shortest total race time still belongs to the 2010 season.
    My conclusion? Going balls out the Formula is stuck at around 2010 performance levels after multi millions of Euro's worth of development and at least two near death experiences in the Blighty GP alone. Still I guess that's progress. At least the chaps can overtake each other these days. Hmm, I seem to remember 2010 wasn't too bad a year … but I'm just a stat's numpty so what do I know ...
    2013
    52 laps, 306.747 km (190.604 mi)
    Pole: Lewis Hamilton Mercedes 1:29.607
    Fastest lap: Mark Webber Red Bull-Renault 1:33.401 on lap 52
    Winner: Nico Rosberg Mercedes – Race time: 1:32:59.456
    Multiple safety car periods so everyone on lead lap aprt from four DNF's
    Weather: Sunny and hot.
    2012
    52 laps, 306.747 km (190.604 mi)
    Pole: Fernando Alonso Ferrari 1:51.746
    Fastest lap: Kimi Raikkonen 1:34.661 on lap 50
    Winner: Mark Webber 1:25:11.288
    Lapped everyone up to and including Pastor Maldonado in 16th
    Weather Wet qualy' – Dry race
    Air Temp 20 °C (68 °F) Track Temp 31 °C (88 °F)
    2011
    52 laps, 306.747 km (190.604 mi)
    Pole: Mark Webber 1:30.399
    Fastest lap: Fernando Alonso 1:34.908 on lap 41
    Winner: Fernando Alonso 1:28:41.194
    Lapped everyone up to and including Timo Glock in 16th
    Weather: Wet track at start; subsequently drying
    Air Temp 20 °C (68 °F) Track Temp 22 °C (72 °F)
    2010
    52 laps, 306.747 km (190.604 mi)
    Pole: Sebastian vettel 1:29.615
    Fastest lap: Fernando Alonso 1:30.874 on lap 52
    Winner: Mark Webber 1:24:38.200
    Lapped everyone up to and including Jarno Trulli in 16th
    Weather Mainly sunny
    .. and nothing just for laff's this time
    Mzzzz X, Senior Statistics Thief Analyst, Rootersport (a division of RooterNation Enterprises incorporating Rooters News, Rooters World, Rooting Today and a whole load of other stuff made up as we go along) 8-)
    Editors Note: We have intentionally used the names of real people and real teams in the presentation of these statistics. No offense is meant to any of them whether they are indeed real or, if indeed, they may happen to be fictional and figments of their own imaginations in much the same way as the entire core staff team at Rooters News, Rootersport, Rooting Today, Badgers Today and any other of our affliates. Thanks a bunch. Tellie.
     
    snowy, McZiderRed and F1ang-o like this.
  9. Fenderman

    Fenderman Rooters Reporter

    Featured Threads:
    1
    Fantasy F1 Profile:
    FF1 Profile
    ROOTERSPORT
    A ROOTERSPORT NEWS fillerJuly 2013
    Titbits of News Issue

    Our good old mate Scrab's tweeted a wee titbit yesterday. Apparently, there will be tweaks to the 2014 Formula Wonderful (F1) car beaks, he tweeted. Coincidentally, when I was preparing "Rad's Notepad" following the Prussian Grand Prix (coming soon to a thread near you) I spotted a heavily disguised race car with a new nose indeed.​

    There is soon to be a secret private public YDT tyre test where everyone and his mother, except of course arch criminal cheating blighters Mercator Projected, will try to get to grips with Pirlelli's new boots. The significance of the test cannot be understated since Mercator have just not been punished enough for trying to help Pirllelli fix the horribly degenerative round rubber things that the fast blokes rely on to stick to the race track.​

    It didn't escape anyone's attention at Sliverstone that the Test-gate test was an obvious failure, since, we hear this week, that nineteen of the twenty two cars had evidence of ****ed up boots by the end of the race. And we won't even mention the catastrophic boot failure in practice and four more abjectly catastrophic boot failures, and two slo-mo deflations, in the race. Oops, sorry, just did.​

    Anyway back to this mysterious car seen gearing up for a new secret private public test. I managed to snap a piccy and I've pasted Scrab's tweet beneath it. Is this a sign of "Things to Come" (which was a great Blighty made, 1936 Sci Fi movie starring Ray-band-mondo Massively. If you haven't seen it, you should)?​



    Secret private public YDT test sneaky preview shot:

    D Duck 2.jpg


    Rad Booton, Rovering Reporter, Rootersport (a division of RooterNation Enterprises incorporating Rooters News, Rooters World, Rooting Today and a whole load of other stuff made up as we go along) 8-)
     
    FB, McZiderRed, Slyboogy and 2 others like this.
  10. Fenderman

    Fenderman Rooters Reporter

    Featured Threads:
    1
    Fantasy F1 Profile:
    FF1 Profile
    Rootersport Singapoor issue.jpg
     
    Last edited: Sep 24, 2013
  11. Fenderman

    Fenderman Rooters Reporter

    Featured Threads:
    1
    Fantasy F1 Profile:
    FF1 Profile
    Rootersport banner.jpg
    September 2013 Issue

    Formula Wonderful Grand Prix Review – Page Two
    Singapoor-er or Singasurprise Special Feature
    Clip The Apes Members Split Over Singapoor-er

    Members were heavily divided over this year's Gippy at Singapoor-er. Our intrepid statistician, Ms XXX went to find out why...

    In the “CTA Singapore Grand Prix 2013 out of 10” ( http://cliptheapex.com/threads/2013-singapore-grand-prix-out-of-10.6476/ ) poll the race got a lowly 3 out of 10 and a [​IMG]from Fenderman. However, as I found out, the most informed F1 followers and fans on the planet did not all agree.

    teabagyokel posed the question, “Night of joy? After thinking about it for a bit TBY said he took a few positives from the race, saying “Positive number one, honestly, is the fact that those who watched this Grand Prix probably saw one of the greatest team/driver performances of all time.” After giving me a recap of the first laps of the race he summed up Fettlespeltvettel's drive, “An utterly incredible performance.“

    Positive number two for Teabag was that “after the Safety Car period, the strategy became interesting, even if the leader was in a different race, with victory for Ferrariando Notsoslow in that particular battle.” Too true I thought. “Positive number three ….” he continued, “... is the huge stramasch in the top ten from Buttman and Ade Subtle for the last fifteen laps.”

    But Teabag' did see a negative and summed it up in, as he put it, “in just eleven characters: Mark Webber [Marko Webbedfoot].” Read teabagyokel 's race summary here: http://cliptheapex.com/threads/2013-singapore-grand-prix-out-of-10.6476/#post-216710

    I caught up with some of the other peeps on Clip …

    F1Yorkshire told me “I thought it couldn't get worse after Spank and Monzaah but proved wrong here. Only the racing at the end saved the race from minimum points but that racing itself was artificial due to the difference in tyre wear.”

    Bill Boddy suffered more than most it seems. “Without the live timing there would have been little to watch.” he said. “To make it worse ...” Bill continued, “during qualifying I was watching via an Austrian satellite, listening to the live commentary on 5 Live Spurts Extra and keeping an eye on the live timing.” Pausing for thought Bill corrected himself,

    “Actually, that is incorrect, the TV coverage should have been last on the list as it was around thirty seconds behind the other two. Then the radio, which kept on buggering off to the cricket forgot to come back for Q3, rather surreal in fact.”

    I nodded furiously in sincere agreement. I had forgotten about that Aunty Booby cock up! “So …" said Bill, “I finished up listening to the Prussian version, must go back to that Prussian language training pack.”

    Here's a spattering of what other well informed peeps had to say:

    “Apart from the overtaking by Webbedfoot, Rosicrucianberg, and , Hamburgerman at the end of the race it would have been a boring race, hoping for better at the next race in Koreaagh.[​IMG]Johnny Carwash

    “It only rates that [a 5] for Kimi's brilliant rise to grab a podium, especially his great pass of Buttman near the end. I would give it a '1' for the rest of the race and a '0', if possible, for having to deploy (yet again) the safety car.” siffert_fan

    “I've abstained." McZiderRed

    Giving it a '6' RasputinLives said “Completely frustrated on how no one in the field can get their acts togeter other than Red Booll and Fettlespeltvettel. Yes great drives from Notsoslow and Kimime but if they'd had a decent qualifying maybe they'd have been in a position to challenge in the race. Not sure what was going on with Rosicrucianberg's pace at times and Lewisham seemed off his game. Add to that RoGro car woes and its no wonder it looks easy for Fettlespeltvettel. Maybe we should boo the rest of the field rather than Sebtheman. “

    One of my favourite commentators, MCLS , gave it a score of 4, “... all of which for the last ten to fifteen laps.” He said.

    Jos the Boss , scoring the race a six, told me “I liked the end, Lewisham on a charge, this time with Nicorette [Rosicrucianberg] and Marko [Webbedfoot] for company, shame we didn't get to see more of a Mercators duel, I thought Lewisham was quicker in the end stint. I also like the finish line fireworks.” Hear, hear on that one, methinks.

    gethinceri scored it his usual ten out of ten because he loves this Formula Wonderful stuff so much that Ecclesthump could murder his pet badger and still take home a ten! “10, would have scored it higher if I could as Sir Tom [Jones, Welsh crooner par excellance] was there.” exclaimed Mac'.

    cider_and_toast didn't see the full race coverage as, he says, “I was out with the family so had to suffer the Boob highlights for the first time in a while. I can't say if it's a valid 4 as I don't know how I would have felt watching the race live.” The same, methoughts.

    So there we are. If nothing else every race, good or bad, gives us lots to debate about. Whether we like it or not our addiction has got us by the short and curly's. So much so that after having nothing to write about for so long Rootersports decided to write about that.

    As Marki Webbedfoot might say “Strewth, cobber!”

    Ms XXX, Investigative Statistical Reporter, Rootersport, A division of Rooters International News for The World Empire [​IMG][​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2013
  12. Fenderman

    Fenderman Rooters Reporter

    Featured Threads:
    1
    Fantasy F1 Profile:
    FF1 Profile
    Rooters International News for The World Empire.jpg
     
  13. Fenderman

    Fenderman Rooters Reporter

    Featured Threads:
    1
    Fantasy F1 Profile:
    FF1 Profile
    Rootersport Traction Control issue.jpg
     
    Last edited: Oct 4, 2013
  14. Fenderman

    Fenderman Rooters Reporter

    Featured Threads:
    1
    Fantasy F1 Profile:
    FF1 Profile
    Page two of this week's Rootersport features news of teabagyokel 's contribution to Fenderman's "Like" count! Thanks TBY from everyone in Fenderman's Head!!!

    Rootersport Teabag issue.jpg
     
  15. Fenderman

    Fenderman Rooters Reporter

    Featured Threads:
    1
    Fantasy F1 Profile:
    FF1 Profile
    ROOTERSPORT

    A ROOTERSPORT NEWS Unusual Kind of Race Review in May 2018
    The big grin is back ....

    Dan's Winning Grin2.jpg

    ..... I say no more.

    Rad Booton. 27 May 2018
     

Share This

  1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use it, you are agreeing to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice