ROOTERSPORT A ROOTERSPORT NEWS Unusual Kind of Race Review in May 2013 Editorial It is often said that a picture can speak a thousand words, or words to that effect. Funnily enough so can statistics. In fact, statistics not only paint a thousand pictures they can be interpreted and reinterpreted in a myriad of ways just like pictures. Now Rad Booton (Rootersports lead reporter) could attempt to write a review about the Worlds Fastest Blokes and Worlds Fastest Race Car Building Blokes championship race that took place in Espania the other weekend. Unfortunately, apart from moans and groans about crap tyres, punctures, delamination and deflated fans, there wasn't much that caught his eye (creative writingly speaking). However, in cases like these we have a resident statistician who readily steals information from the Wikkapeedja and the statistics section of Clip The Apes. We don't normally mention her name but we will break from tyradition just so's you know that Fenderman's head has a feminine side (usually only used to get Fenderman and his head inhabitants out of bother using cunning, guile and communication skills rather than good old fashioned male attributes such as aggression and wanton violence). Since we are about to give her promotion we thought it timely to introduce you to her via her first public contribution to Rootersport and Clip The Apes. Here is her first piece. Tellie Fenderman, Editor in Headscarf. Rootersport. Roll On The New Formula For 2014 Onward Maybe this should be in print somewhere else but I can't help thinking that two years of dodgy tyres have contributed to F1 being dumbed down. These are some statistics for the Circuito del Catálogo De Los Menos, which is lest we forget, one of the two key pre-season testing tracks. It is my opinion that the cars and drivers are capable of considerably more pace than we are allowed to witness. This may or may not be a bad thing, especially if we want to keep our pilots safe, warm and cuddly in their cock-pits. Oh, while I think of it, that's fortunate that that little area of the car is named after a male portion of the anatomy, isn't it. Oops. I digress, but I've been told that it's okay to do that in Rootersport reports. For obvious reasons, apparently. Anyway, when one considers the investment the teams make in terms of material, financial and human resources it seems that, for the past three years at least, they may as well have been running their 2009 or 2010 cars. That would have been a very effective way of saving money. Coincidentally, in the last three years of my employment all of our salaries were frozen to help save a business that went belly up anyway but that's another story for the non-fiction threads if Fenderman ever wants to own up to being in such a parlous situation. Recessions sure are strange. So, although readers are unfamiliar with my work I have been given the opportunity to present some short, sharp statistics to demonstrate how Formula Wonderful has been slowed down and is firmly off the Premier Class in Motor Sport Perch. If anyone wants to cut and paste this info' into a serious discussion thread , please feel free to do so. All we ask at Rootersport is that a link to our humble publication is included so as to credit my work. Just as an aside I have included the figures for the 2006 race which was the last race prior to the bastardisation of modification of the final turn leading onto that marvellously long straight where Nigella Manliness and Ayrton Senna (who's very late and respected indeed so don't expect me to take the piss out of his name). drove boot to boot in that fantastic squabble for the first corner ... ah but that's another slice of history ... So here it is. Who needs chapter and verse? Who needs a painting the size of the Sistine Chapel? It's ... ... The Spanish Grand Prix - a Recent History - In Stat's ... 2013 Pole: Nico Rosberg, Mercedes - 1:20.718 Fastest lap: Esteban Gutiérrez - Sauber-Ferrari - 1:26.217 (lap 56) Winner: Fernando Alonso - race time: 1:39:16.596 Lapped everyone up to and including Daniel Ricciardo in 10th. Weather: Sunny 2012 Pole: Pastor Maldonado - Williams-Renault - 1:22.285 Fastest lap Romain Grosjean - Lotus-Renault - 1:26.250 (lap 53) Winner Pastor Maldonado - Williams-Renault - 1:39:09.145 Lapped everyone up to and including Nico Hulkenberg in 10th. Weather: Partially cloudy, dry – air temperature 22 °C (72 °F) track temperature 35 °C (95°F), 6 °C (11 °F). 2011 Pole: Mark Webber - Red Bull-Renault - 1:20.981 Fastest lap: Lewis Hamilton - McLaren-Mercedes -1:26.727 (lap 52) Winner: Sebastian Vettel - Red Bull-Renault – 1:39:03.301 Lapped everyone up to and including Alonso in 5th. Weather: Mainly sunny,Fine and Dry, Air Temp 27 °C (81 °F), Track Temp 33 °C (91 °F) to 44 °C (111 °F) 2010 Pole: Mark Webber - Red Bull-Renault - 1:19.995 Fastest lap: Lewis Hamilton - McLaren-Mercedes - 1:24.357 (lap 59) Winner: Mark Webber - Red Bull-Renault - 1:35:44.101 Lapped everyone up to and including Rubens Barrichello in 9th. Weather: Mainly cloudy, dry 2009* Pole: Jenson Button, Brawn-Mercedes - 1:20.527 Fastest lap: Rubens Barrichello, Brawn-Mercedes - 1:22.762(lap 28) Winner: Jenson Button, Brawn-Mercedes - 1:37:19.202 Lapped everyone up to and including Lewis Hamilton in 9th. Total race time included 4 lap Safety Car period Weather: Warm, Sunny 2008 Pole: Kimi Räikkönen, Ferrari - 1:21.813 Fastest lap: Kimi Räikkönen - 1:21.670 (lap 46) Winner: Kimi Räikkönen - 1:38:19.051 Lapped everyone up to and including 10th placed G Fisichella Total race time included 4 lap Safety Car period Weather: Sunny - air temperature 23 °C (73 °F), track temperature 38 °C (100 °F) 2007 Pole: Felipe Massa, Ferrari - 1:21.421 Fastest lap: Felipe Massa - 1:22.680 (lap 14) Winner: Felipe Massa - 1:31:36.230** Lapped everyone up to and including Takumo Sato in 8th. Weather: Sunny and warm Notes: *Refuelling ban invoked for 2010 onward. ** 2007 First start aborted when Jarno Trulli (Toyota) stalled on grid, causing 2nd formation lap and race reduced to 65 laps. Finally, just for laff's, 2006 Last season of before the rubbish track modification to the last corner Pole: Fernando Alonso, Renault - 1:14.648 Fastest lap: Felipe Massa - 1:16.648 (lap 42) Winner: Fernando Alonso - 1:26:21.759 Lapped everyone up to and including Mark Webber in 9th. I know my conclusions, now draw your own ... Mzzzz X, Senior Statistics Thief Analyst, Rootersport (a division of RooterNation Enterprises incorporating Rooters News, Rooters World, Rooting Today and a whole load of other stuff made up as we go along) Editors Note: We have intentionally used the names of real people and real teams in the presentation of these statistics. No offense is meant to any of them whether they are indeed real or, if indeed, they may happen to be fictional and figments of their own imaginations in much the same way as the entire core staff team at Rooters News, Rootersport, Rooting Today, Badgers Today and any other of our affliates. Thanks a bunch. Tellie.