Has he got that exclusive front wing,fromthat amazing USF1 car with him???
There, corrected that for you!
Nonsense, lunacy and general stutterings
- Thread starter KekeTheKing
- Start date
There, corrected that for you!
The sadness is in losing the badinage between posters, as Fenders pointed up in another thread.
A 'like' is great, but sometimes a post stirs a thought which results in another story. Unless the reader is on the ball, the continuity might be lost - but who knows?
I'm pretty sure we'll all be reading each others posts, and Fenderman has already incorporated a phone call from my Ferrari strip into the Rooters News!
TN23
Rookie
MYSTERIES OF F1: TAKI INOUE AND FOOTWORK
by Andrew 'Pixelated' Strangeface
At first glance, our mystery is not too complicated to unravel. It appears, as with many other bufoons of the mid-nineties, as though Inoue brought a large wad of cash to Footwork, and his Japanese nationality was a bonus to the Japanese ownership of Footwork ('Arrows' to us motor racing fan types). However, delving deeper, inaccuracies in that theory began to develop.
Firstly, why did Footwork need the money? Again, at first glance this looked simple- but looking into their charred accounts (Literally charred, Walkinshaw burnt them and tried to give them to Jos Verstappen as 'neverland' currency), it reveals that the team were being bankrolled by a German named Hermann von Chemicalindustrialist, a man who had made his money by either shady means, or burning the skin off millions of rats. We requested to speak with this wealthy German at his castle in the town of Fictionhafen, only to find that this person and castle didn't exist (Which was unfortunate 'cos I love castles- stone ones, bouncy ones, you name it, I've been there and seen it, and bought the overpriced English Heritage T-Shirt). Fortunately we found a link from an ex-employee of 'Footwork' from the time period... When was that again, Derek?... Aah the mid-nineties. This ex-employee, Man Whowishesnottobenamedbutreallyhescalledsteveandlivesinsouthport, painted a very different picture 'The German was not as he seemed, he had an obsession with trying to sell us these shitty Vacuum Cleaners called 'Dysons'' So there it is, the money man was Sir (and I use the term loosely) James Dyson. So, if the team had plenty of money, Why sign Inoue?
Well, it could be his Japanese Nationality. After all, Footwork was owned by blankfaced Japanese. Or was Footwork owned by these slimeballs? Well, again, I looked at the background of these people, and none of them seem to have any links or activities preceding October 31st 1989. Again, I found a reliable source, a man who had dealings with the Footwork owners, John Albert Philip Masood O'Riley Dingo McHugh Boris Francois Smallton Johnson Lilian Jeff Kwame Nelson Ariba Fenderman Rooters, who founded a certain News company (Not the failure to use 'corporation'). 'They were definately not Japanese. I walked in to their 'hideout' to find 12 suited men sitting with paper bags, you know the sub-standard ones you get from English Heritage when you buy a £130 T-shirt that has a statue resembling Richard II on it. Anyway, there was a rip in 'Nissan Toshiba's' bag and his skin appeared to be green. Conclusive proof that they were aliens.'
However, this disturbing finding doesn't solve our mystery. Taki's employment is a complete mystery still. However, another ultra-reliable source, a certain 'John Button' has provided me with a taped conversation between Flavio Briatore and Bernard Ecclestone from December 1994.
BE 'Great year Flav, dear, especially that Traction Control thing you got away with...
FB Yeah, I can't believe that they swallowed the whole 'It's just for testing' story
BE Well, I might have had a hand in that one... However, this season was just a bit... serious. People dying, Traction Control rumours, drivers definitely not driving into fellow title rivals. We need something much more funny next season, especially as the only funny thing this season was Martin Brundle's bald spot. Max, get me some tea and a fresh packet of Garibaldis, these ones look like a minion has licked them...
FB I know of someone that could do this. He's called Inoue and he is willing to do anything for a laugh- even get run over by the medical car...
BE Perfect, Flav, do you think he'll mind getting involved in an unlikely incident with a Renault Clio at Monaco?
FB Only if you flutter an extra twenty in front of his nose.
BE Will a tenner suffice, I'm down to $3.6bn of course.
FB Oooh, I'm not sure
BE Well, if not, I can sort something out with Deletraz...
FB I'll speak to Taki, I have very good persuasive powers, look at my girlfriend...
BE Max, hurry, we haven't got all day to put together cunning schemes, I've got minion exploitation class at six... You have two days. Don't disappoint me Flav, remember what happened to Eddie Jordan's clothes...
So there you have it, a cunning little scheme between Bernie and Flav, who would have thunk it.
Next week: The mystery of the secret Bertaggia twin...
by Andrew 'Pixelated' Strangeface
At first glance, our mystery is not too complicated to unravel. It appears, as with many other bufoons of the mid-nineties, as though Inoue brought a large wad of cash to Footwork, and his Japanese nationality was a bonus to the Japanese ownership of Footwork ('Arrows' to us motor racing fan types). However, delving deeper, inaccuracies in that theory began to develop.
Firstly, why did Footwork need the money? Again, at first glance this looked simple- but looking into their charred accounts (Literally charred, Walkinshaw burnt them and tried to give them to Jos Verstappen as 'neverland' currency), it reveals that the team were being bankrolled by a German named Hermann von Chemicalindustrialist, a man who had made his money by either shady means, or burning the skin off millions of rats. We requested to speak with this wealthy German at his castle in the town of Fictionhafen, only to find that this person and castle didn't exist (Which was unfortunate 'cos I love castles- stone ones, bouncy ones, you name it, I've been there and seen it, and bought the overpriced English Heritage T-Shirt). Fortunately we found a link from an ex-employee of 'Footwork' from the time period... When was that again, Derek?... Aah the mid-nineties. This ex-employee, Man Whowishesnottobenamedbutreallyhescalledsteveandlivesinsouthport, painted a very different picture 'The German was not as he seemed, he had an obsession with trying to sell us these shitty Vacuum Cleaners called 'Dysons'' So there it is, the money man was Sir (and I use the term loosely) James Dyson. So, if the team had plenty of money, Why sign Inoue?
Well, it could be his Japanese Nationality. After all, Footwork was owned by blankfaced Japanese. Or was Footwork owned by these slimeballs? Well, again, I looked at the background of these people, and none of them seem to have any links or activities preceding October 31st 1989. Again, I found a reliable source, a man who had dealings with the Footwork owners, John Albert Philip Masood O'Riley Dingo McHugh Boris Francois Smallton Johnson Lilian Jeff Kwame Nelson Ariba Fenderman Rooters, who founded a certain News company (Not the failure to use 'corporation'). 'They were definately not Japanese. I walked in to their 'hideout' to find 12 suited men sitting with paper bags, you know the sub-standard ones you get from English Heritage when you buy a £130 T-shirt that has a statue resembling Richard II on it. Anyway, there was a rip in 'Nissan Toshiba's' bag and his skin appeared to be green. Conclusive proof that they were aliens.'
However, this disturbing finding doesn't solve our mystery. Taki's employment is a complete mystery still. However, another ultra-reliable source, a certain 'John Button' has provided me with a taped conversation between Flavio Briatore and Bernard Ecclestone from December 1994.
BE 'Great year Flav, dear, especially that Traction Control thing you got away with...
FB Yeah, I can't believe that they swallowed the whole 'It's just for testing' story
BE Well, I might have had a hand in that one... However, this season was just a bit... serious. People dying, Traction Control rumours, drivers definitely not driving into fellow title rivals. We need something much more funny next season, especially as the only funny thing this season was Martin Brundle's bald spot. Max, get me some tea and a fresh packet of Garibaldis, these ones look like a minion has licked them...
FB I know of someone that could do this. He's called Inoue and he is willing to do anything for a laugh- even get run over by the medical car...
BE Perfect, Flav, do you think he'll mind getting involved in an unlikely incident with a Renault Clio at Monaco?
FB Only if you flutter an extra twenty in front of his nose.
BE Will a tenner suffice, I'm down to $3.6bn of course.
FB Oooh, I'm not sure
BE Well, if not, I can sort something out with Deletraz...
FB I'll speak to Taki, I have very good persuasive powers, look at my girlfriend...
BE Max, hurry, we haven't got all day to put together cunning schemes, I've got minion exploitation class at six... You have two days. Don't disappoint me Flav, remember what happened to Eddie Jordan's clothes...
So there you have it, a cunning little scheme between Bernie and Flav, who would have thunk it.
Next week: The mystery of the secret Bertaggia twin...
errrmm if you're talking about Rain why wasn;t David Coulthard the best wet weather driver ever? He's from Scotland and it rains 364 days a year up there. I'm doubting he did a cart race in the drive until he was at least 16.
Sun? In Scotland? you lie! - Bet its still rained though right?
http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/weather/
you lie Sly!
Not that I bhave anything against Scotland by the way - just never been there when its not been raining. Could say the same thing about Wales(lived there for 3 years) but there are very few Welsh F1 drivers.
By the way did anyone see Red Or Black with DC and JB the other night? bet DC will be bragging about that win for a while
you lie Sly!
Not that I bhave anything against Scotland by the way - just never been there when its not been raining. Could say the same thing about Wales(lived there for 3 years) but there are very few Welsh F1 drivers.
By the way did anyone see Red Or Black with DC and JB the other night? bet DC will be bragging about that win for a while
Yes I did, but I doubt they would be allowed to mention it in the programme this weekend - seeing as Red or Black is on the "dark side" (ITV)
http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/weather/
you lie Sly!
Not that I bhave anything against Scotland by the way - just never been there when its not been raining. Could say the same thing about Wales(lived there for 3 years) but there are very few Welsh F1 drivers.
By the way did anyone see Red Or Black with DC and JB the other night? bet DC will be bragging about that win for a while
I must be in the Bahamas then or something!
So, just because Coulthard lives in Scotland he should be good in the rain? Top drivers go to other countries to race, and most of the racing tracks here are indoor
Isn't Somerset the wettest (approximate spelling) county in Britain. This might explain why Jenson is the master of "changeable conditions". Oh, oh, here we go again...
edit: It appears that we need some drivers from North Wales, they should be the real Rain Masters.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Climate_of_the_United_Kingdom#Rainfall
edit: It appears that we need some drivers from North Wales, they should be the real Rain Masters.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Climate_of_the_United_Kingdom#Rainfall
Having spent my formative years in Somerset, I can attest to it's higher-than-usual levels of moistness (probably why Yorkshire felt so arid in comparison).
Surely the wettest county is Cumbria though?
Surely the wettest county is Cumbria though?
My question is, Does anyone think that Formula One suffers from a lack of involvment in or promotion of the Cheese Industry?
