Clip The Apex Presents...

The Odd Couple The off-season had been long, the new F1 season seemed to never arrive… There were changes in the F1 regulations, changes in the cars. There was also changes in the driver line-ups. There were also changes in the “Clip the Apex Presents…” blogs. As evidenced in the “Fernando Alonso’s Extraneous Adventures” blog… --- --- --- --- Fernando tried to settle Perky into his new home but, being an excitable pig, this was not an easy thing to do. Normally Perky’s stomach was predictable, but ever since the move from Maranello Tower, Fernando had realised there was a problem. “Perky, there really is no need to worry. Uncle Kimi is a very nice chap”; Fernando said in a reassuring tone. “Oink…”; said Perky, sounding...

A smartly dressed Danica Patrick enters and office room and takes a seat in front of a desk. Sat at the desk are Jean Todt, Bernie Ecclestone and Flavio Briatorie. Flavio is sit back from the others slightly, wearing sunglasses and smoking a cigarette. JT: Miss Patrick. Thank you for coming. DP: How could I resist. Mr Briatorie here tells me he has some kind of job he'd like me to do for him BE: I'm sure he has! *the three behind the desk snigger like school boys* JT: Let me cut to the chase Miss Patrick, I know you have been over at the NASCAR bureua but have you heard of a project called 'The F1 Files' DP: I have heard the name yes. BE: and your understanding of it? *Flavio lights another cigarette* DP: My understand...

For your entertainment I have decided to post the entire series of YOST in one place. We start at the beginning which seems a sensible idea even if the strip is rather insensible. This first episode was much like a pilot and was in honour of MCLS 's birthday. Just like on the telly a warm reception from Rooters fans meant that we, the occupants of Fenderman's Head, commissioned further episodes. So here we go and if you haven't received your own personal episode please understand that they are time consuming and we don't always get off the starting blocks in reasonable time for everyone's birthday. Sometimes we simply don't know when a birthday is looming until it's way too late. Oh, and I should mention a few pointers: Members who...

I've been musing on the point of position - not on the track - but in one's own environment. I've discovered that if I sit in my 'usual' chair in the living room, which happens to be next to the TV, the position becomes what my children have dubbed the 'mad chair' and a whole tirade usually ensues. This seems to engulf all who sit there, even my kids when they beat me to it. Whereas, if I move further back into the room and have a different vista (i.e. I can see out of the window) I adopt a far less combative demeanour. As I have never liked having my back against a wall and am vaguely claustrophobic, I wondered if this was the answer. It's not just aggression that changes depending on what part of a room that one has parked one's...

ULTRA HOT PRESS EXCLUSIVE ... ROOTERS NEWS GIVEN GREEN LIGHT TO LAUNCH NEW STUFF SECTION ON CTA It is with great humility and some degree of smug satisfaction that Rooters International News Peep's can accept the remarkable honour of opening a new forum on Clip The Apex. Due to popular demand and a shed load of really creative peep's CTA are launching this wonderful new place for free expression and loose tongues. Our top hack, Fenderman, has been hunting down the contributors who will undoubtedly make this another unrivalled success for CTA. McZiderRed said "It's a pleasure to be in collaboration with the luminaries of CTA. For example, I've been looking at Cheddar Gorge Racing for a while now. They are a strong cheese team, which...

Overheard in McLaren paddock during Montreal GP rain delay: Ron Dennis : Martin, I find myself sub-optimal mood-wise... Martin W: Er...Oh dear, is it because Lewis & Jenson had a coming-together? RD: That is a sub-component of my displeasure certainly - a concomitant result of which means that the biomaton for car 3 is spending an inordinate amount of time dawdling about in the garage accompanied by monosyllabic entities whose grasp of the intricacies of the functioning of a Formula 1 Racing Concern are, at best, decidedly lacking. MW: ...well, er... Rhianna's hair nearly matches the vodafone orange, surely? RD: It most certainly does not Martin - have your eye checked, would you? Furthermore, I would prefer that Jordan creature to be...

EPILOGUE: Max retired on Flav's boat on the Seychelles! Flav is now living in a poor man's penthouse. Paul made off with anything of value. Ron stole the blueprints to Flav's boat and has hired Mike Coughlan to build it. Mario is still waiting for Item 2. Bernie and Jean went head-to-head in the limbo competition final; simply walking under the bar. Eddie is still keeping an eye on David. Sir Jackie and Niki escaped without injury Nick designed a lifeboat and hasn't been seen for weeks. Aguri managed to buy his Nick Fry dartboard at a knockdown price The Toyota delegation is yet to decide how to react

Deep within the FOM bunker a silver haired billionaire sits in a large leather chair stroking a fluffy white cat. A minion rushes in: Minion: "Mr Ecclestone, Mr Ecclestone, the contributors of Clip the Apex are up in arms about your deal with Sky" BE: "**** 'em, have em shot. Oh, and to really piss them off ban overtaking at the next race" The minion walks out backwards scraping and bowing as the cat purrs loudly.

The 2112 Formula One season is almost upon us here, and the teams have built their cars and tested them to the nth degree. As the grid decamps to Homs, Syria to be welcomed by the despotic rulers of the country, we here at Apex Sport preview the new season. Last year's Constructors' Champions Anthony Hamilton Racing continue with their Renault engine, but there is a new driver line-up. Their two drivers are both decendents of former World Champions with (3) Martin Button and (4) Ronaldo Alonso taking to the famous yellow cars. The team has missed its founder's steely detirmination, but was still utterly successful last year. Drinks manufacturers Tango continue with their F1 effort with Daewoo engines in the back. (5) Roberto Ontário...

On the subject of "anonymous holidays in Tenby".... what'd ya mean, no-one was talking about that? ... source link The sleepy seaside town of Tenby, in South Wales, was sent into a frenzy yesterday, when the proprietor of a seafront hotel (The Tenby Ritz) let slip to his friend Morgan Evans the Butcher, or as he's known locally "Morgan the Meat", that a Spaniard had booked into the Tenby Ritz Hotel for a long weekend break. The Spaniard was named Lenarndo Afonso, and would be jetting off to Canada 'on a business trip' early next week. Well, the scenes that followed were unbelievable. It was well known that Fernando Alonso used to take anonymous holidays in the town, thanks to later press reports on the subject, so the townsfolk put...

Rooters News ......... LATEST RUMOUREPORT .......... Rooters News The rumour mill is running hot with the revelation that the F1 technical working group has just about ironed out all the problems related to the long awaited Constant Radius Tunnel Racing Formula 1 (CRTRF1). Circuit designer, Tilke, has completed the design of the first track to be erected in Trafalgar Square, London, England. This will be the very first state of the art space saving circuit with the entire track on the inside of a 3km circumference tube. The starting grid will form in Pall Mall to enable cars to enter the tube at the requisite speed to enable their aerodynamic devices to "stick" the cars to the track when upside down. The sticking point with drafting...