Clip The Apex Presents...

To be read in a Geordie accent... Race 14 in the Big Brother F1 series. Sebastian finished first again in Sunday's Grand Prix challenge and is now immune from eviction. Jenson put in a late charge but was unable to stop the finger from rising once again. Rumours persist that his love affair with Martin is in trouble and he's making eyes at the old Italian team. Could he swap his English rose for a Latin temptress? Mark managed one of his best results but yet again had trouble pedalling his car away at the start. He's looking safe from eviction at the end of the season as his Austrian friend won't vote him out. Fernando looked very lonely and despite the hot weather still couldn't get his hards warm while his softs wore out too...

Toto Wolff is in the kitchen wearing his favorite pinny, making tea when in walks Susie: Susie: Phew what a day Toto: Velcome home darling, how vos it? Susie: Busy, I spent the whole day in the simulator again. Toto: How iz zat coming along? Susie: Not bad, not bad at all. They finally got around to giving me Felipe's copy of Grandprix 2014 and Sir Frank says if I can complete Monaco in novice mode higher than sixth, with realistic crashes on, then he will let me drive the car off the transporter and into the garage at Spa. Toto: Snookems zat is vonderful. I love you zo much. Now could you pass ze salt. Susie: Of course I can pass Zesalt? Is he the new Caterham test driver? I may be female darling but you know I can mix it with...

Ross Brawn is sitting at his desk at the MGP head office when the special silver phone rings on his desk: Ross: “Hello, Ross speaking.” Screen splits to show caller: Lewis: “Yo Mr Brawn, owz it hanging?” Ross: “Oh hello Lewis, Fine thanks. What can I do for you?” Lewis: “Yo Mr Brawn, it’s about the company nickname ‘Silver Arrows’, Lewis don’t like it” Ross: “And what exactly don’t you like about it Lewis?” Lewis: “Well Lewis was watchin that Olympics fing and Silver is for second place man and that ain’t Lewis. Know what Lewis is saying? And Arrows, well they is never winning a Grand Prix and Lewis is a Winner” Ross: “So what do you suggest we call it?” Lewis: “Well Lewis was thinking we calls it ‘Golden Lewis’”...