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Discussion in 'Gravel Trap' started by Hamberg, Jan 10, 2015.

  1. FB

    FB Not my cup of cake Valued Member

    The Office of the Mayor of London, there's a knock at the door:

    SK: Enter, in a non-binary vegan manner
    Not a minion: My equal, perhaps lesser, there has been an incident involving an oppressed minority on the other side of the world
    SK: Heavens, err, no, skyland. Oh crap, Jannah. Oh bollocks, I mean non-fgm sexual organs. Arse, did I mention sex? Non- binary expression of surprise including the nirvana of your chosen afterlife! To the Offence on Behalf of Others Cave!

    SK and the Not a Minion make there way down the rainbow painted corridor, past the multi and inter-sex toilets to the OBO Cave. Various minorities are seated, although there is no requirement for them to sit as they are equally allowed to stand if they prefer.

    SK: My gender nonspecific people and oppressed minorities, there has been an incident somewhere else in the world which has no impact on us but it is our job, nay mission, to over react to any potential non-threat on the behalf of others. Please collect up your religious iconography and make your way to the front of building where I have called a pop-up press conference to express concern for all non-white, non-christian people of London.

    As the OBO team make their way to front of the building anyone seen with a crucifix or star of David is dragged to one side and locked in the "reprogramming suite".

    Outside of Caitlyn Jenner towers, next to the statue of Peter Tatchell the Redeemer, SK begins speaking:

    SK: People of the World
    Not a Minion: Whispers - not yet my lesser, you are only Mayor of London at this time
    SK: Apologies. People of London, there exist, 12,000 miles away, a threat to our way of life to which we must over react. I have taken it upon myself to take police officers away from their job of investigating robberies and stabbings and place them in front of buildings where they will provide excellent photo opportunities for all proper left wing thinking members of the London assembly.

    I would like to apologies for the fact that many of these police officers will be white and have clearly defined sexuality. We are looking to deprogramme as many as we can and have a clear policy to encourage their transition to, at least, inter-sex as soon as possible.

    For those of you confused by how they speak this is a language called English which, at the present time, is the preferred tongue of many in this city. We are, of course, looking to dilute this affront to all of us as quickly as we can and there are flights of refugees landing at various airports as we speak.

    I thank you all for coming here today to listen to me and would like to assure you a translation in to Njerep and Niki will be available within the hour.

    Non-denominational blessings be upon you all unless, of course, you are a white Christian or Jewish male. SK out.

    The group return to Caitlyn Jenner Towers to discuss the renaming opportunities for other London landmarks and thoroughfares to expand their message of love and diversity as thousands sleep rough on the streets and gangs roam around selling drugs and stabbing children.
    Andyoak and Dartman like this.
  2. cider_and_toast

    cider_and_toast Exulted Lord High Moderator of the Apex Staff Member Premium Contributor

    That would credit Kahn with actually caring about something regardless of how shallow.

    I see it more as Richard III by Shakespeare.

    Act III - Act III, Scene 7
    SCENE VII. London. Court of Baynard's Castle.

    What, tongueless blocks were they! would they not speak?
    Will not the mayor, then, and his brethren, come?

    The mayor is here at hand. Intend some fear;
    Be not you spoke with but by mighty suit:
    And look you get a prayer-book in your hand,
    And stand between two churchmen, good my lord;
    For on that ground I'll make a holy descant:
    And be not easily won to our requests;
    Play the maid's part,--still answer nay, and take it.

    I go; and if you plead as well for them
    As I can say nay to thee for myself,
    No doubt we bring it to a happy issue.

    Clever man that Shakespeare fellow.
    FB and Andyoak like this.
  3. Angel

    Angel Happy to help. Contributor

    Terrorism is awful wherever it happens and I don't know why but it seems oddly more shocking that it happened in New Zealand. I guess it's because you don't hear of bad things like that happening there usually do you?

    This world can be horrible can't it? Sorry, I should rephrase that, some of the people in this world can be just vile can't they?
    cider_and_toast likes this.
  4. Bill Boddy

    Bill Boddy Professional layabout Premium Contributor

    The "New IRA" admit that they killed Lyra McKee.


    'the group offered "full and sincere apologies" to her family and friends.'

    But that did not stop them, just as it never stopped the IRA.

    Billy Fox (politician) - Wikipedia.

    I was in two minds as to whether to put this here or in the EU forum since it could be that the two may well get intertwined if an agreement of some type assuming that such a thing will ever happen.
  5. cider_and_toast

    cider_and_toast Exulted Lord High Moderator of the Apex Staff Member Premium Contributor

    After the Good Friday agreement was signed, not all of those IRA men were so happy to give up their positions of power within the community. Many turned to extortion, drug pushing, smuggling and organised crime.

    Those using names from the past are actually hiding organised criminal gangs behind the sectarian language. Not that they would object a return to the past of course. The problem the Police face is that any attempt to crack down on their activities gets painted in a Unionist light which then fans the flames.

    Add Brexit into the mix and its another powder keg.
    Dartman likes this.
  6. Dartman

    Dartman Points Scorer

    The Provisional IRA was always a criminal organisation, it used crime for it's funding but the use of it's title was to deflect the public from its real cause, making its leaders rich, there were plenty of politicians and dictators around the world jumping on their rhetoric and supplying them cheap arms and explosives. The violence was just to keep the authorities protecting the public the best they could whilst they made money on the side, nothing unusual, causes and religion are the cornerstone of excuses for power and cash
    cider_and_toast likes this.
  7. FB

    FB Not my cup of cake Valued Member

    On a positive note, if ever you damage your knee the surgeons in Northern Ireland have lots of experience in rebuilding them.
    Andyoak and cider_and_toast like this.
  8. cider_and_toast

    cider_and_toast Exulted Lord High Moderator of the Apex Staff Member Premium Contributor

    I did a first aid course in the military and we were shown some pretty gruesome pictures of wounds that had occurred as a result of a variety of weapons and explosives. One that stuck in the mind was of an IRA man who was attempting to blow up a pub by throwing a bomb inside. Apparently he'd set the device, went up to the pub door, gave it a firm kick with the intention of kicking it in then lobbing the bomb in, but things didn't go according to plan. The door swang open, hit the stopper and swang back before our freedom fighter had a chance to launch his device. After being struck by the door swinging back, the device detonated wiping the terrorist out from the chest down to his ankles. Very messy.

    I have no idea if that's what happened but it was a bloody funny story told by the medic running the course (who had actually served a tour in Belfast) and the accompanying picture did seem to back the story up.
  9. FB

    FB Not my cup of cake Valued Member

    Serves the bastard right!

    In a similar (unpleasant) vein, I did a health and safety course a few years ago and we were shown a picture of a man who had incorrectly fitted a safety harness and then fell. The sudden stop popped his testicles out of his nacker sack and left them hanging there by the vas deferens (obviously not had a vasectomy). Took a bit of work to get them back in and stitched up.
    cider_and_toast likes this.
  10. Andyoak

    Andyoak Race Winner

    That's always a popular picture... :(

    I'm sad enough to have far too many like that on my computer (it's work); including a folder called "not before lunch"; I keep them for the occasional Monday morning start the week email to the site lads.
  11. Andyoak

    Andyoak Race Winner

    Personally I hate harnesses...

    Too easy to fit badly; and you have to have a rescue plan. Of course, that usually involves finding a way up to the guy hanging with his balls out; cutting him down and slinging him over your shoulder to bring him to the ground.

    If you can manage that then you should have gone up that way to start with.
    FB likes this.
  12. Bill Boddy

    Bill Boddy Professional layabout Premium Contributor

    The shootings at the Garlic Festival on California are not actually mass shooting as only three people died. However:

    "Gun Violence Archive defines a mass shooting as a gun attack in which at least four people are either killed or wounded.

    In total, it estimates that 8,434 people have died as a result of gun violence in the US in 2019 so far"

  13. Titch

    Titch Champion Elect Premium Contributor

    I’m sure Mr Trump would suggest that was fake news, and point at Britain’s problems with knife crime, and probably point out that America does not have a problem with knife crime.
    I hate politicians.
  14. RasputinLives

    RasputinLives Not dead Contributor

    They don't have a problem with knife crime because it's easier to get a gun than a knife.
  15. Dartman

    Dartman Points Scorer

    They do have a problem with knife crime, however gun crime hits the headlines as it's more random in its targets and often multiple
  16. FB

    FB Not my cup of cake Valued Member

  17. Titch

    Titch Champion Elect Premium Contributor

    Well I never, do you mean to tell me that Mr Trump has been telling lies.
    :) I’m shocked.
  18. cider_and_toast

    cider_and_toast Exulted Lord High Moderator of the Apex Staff Member Premium Contributor

    Fake news. :moustache:
    Titch likes this.
  19. Brogan

    Brogan Leg end Staff Member

    Another week, another three mass shootings here in the US.

    My opinion on it all now is it's another 25 fewer potential mass shooters.

    Harsh perhaps but you can't argue with the logic.

    Until the US matures as a country and gets rid of the ludicrous interpretation of the 2nd amendment, the NRA, and the current incarnation of the GOP, then quite frankly I don't give a ****
    cider_and_toast likes this.

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