Driver Comebacks

[FB]

In a bizarre twist to the 2015 F1 season Bernie Ecclestone is looking to revive the flagging fortunes of his cash cow by securing the comebacks of a number of long retired drivers.

Jackie Stewart, supported by Tartanflatcapsandtrousers.com has been shoe horned in to Jenson Button's McLaren seat. When asked for a quote Jackie said "Hoots, it's always bin ma ambition to get back into F1 and at 76 I reckon I'm still in ma prime to show these laddies how it's done"

Gerhard Berger is rumoured to be looking at taking over from Danni Kyvat at Red Bull. When questioned about the situation Gerhard comment "Shit, fuck, yeah. With my sponsorship from the Tourettes Society getting a bastard, fucking drive shouldn't be a problem. Knobs"

Michael Andretti is also looking at what opportunities there might be. With sponsors Lardarsemotoring.com Michael has had discussions with Vijay Mallay about a place at Force India. Michael said "I approached Vijay as the man best placed to be to build a car to fit my fat ass into it. All he has to do is take a mould from his own enormous butt and they can build the tub around that which will fit me fine". "I still have a point to prove after 1993," continued Michael "you all thought I was shit then, you wait and see how shit I will be this time around".

Yuji Ide was unavailable for comment, which came as a surprise to everyone.

 

[Brogan]

Genius!

 

[teabagyokel]

Nelson Piquet, Sr. has also mooted a return to Formula One, although it is alleged that the three-time World Champion is analysing which sponsor and team would piss off the greatest number of people before he joins. He is also looking for a team-mate with a moustache because "they're funnier to defeat".

 

[Brogan]

Nelson Piquet Jr. expressed an interest in returning to F1.

When asked why, he said that he had "achieved all he can in Formula E" and had "hit a wall" in terms of his career.

 

[Incubus]

Taki Inoue has also linked himself with a seat in F1, having expressed concern on his twitter page that his crown as the "shittest driver in history" is being threatened by some of the young pretenders to have come into F1 over the past few years.

That one is genuine by the way.

 

[cider_and_toast]

On hearing the news of this new policy, Luca Badoer was immediately on the phone to Ferrari.

Sponsored by the Greek based "onelastfinalfinalfinalchance.com" a weeping Badoer begged the team for just one race to prove he could score a point. He said he would race any where, any time, just not Spa.

Ferrari were unavailable for comment but rumour has it even Kimi was heard laughing.