At home with Susie and Toto

Toto Wolff is in the kitchen wearing his favorite pinny, making tea when in walks Susie:

Susie: Phew what a day

Toto: Velcome home darling, how vos it?

Susie: Busy, I spent the whole day in the simulator again.

Toto: How iz zat coming along?

Susie: Not bad, not bad at all. They finally got around to giving me Felipe's copy of Grandprix 2014 and Sir Frank says if I can complete Monaco in novice mode higher than sixth, with realistic crashes on, then he will let me drive the car off the transporter and into the garage at Spa.

Toto: Snookems zat is vonderful. I love you zo much. Now could you pass ze salt.

Susie: Of course I can pass Zesalt? Is he the new Caterham test driver? I may be female darling but you know I can mix it with the best of them.

Toto: Oh nein dearest, I meant could you pass ze salt pot.

Susie: Oh right so your saying I'm not good enough to pass Zesalt only Zesaltpot. You do know I once beat Coulthard and Schumacher in a race don't you.

Toto: Yes darlink you have told me zis on many occasions and as I remind you, Coulthard broke down on lap von and everybody beat Ralf Schumacher, its like praising Nigel Mansell in ze best moustache in Formula vun contest. Anyvay, I vant you to pass me ze salt for the food.

Susie: Oh I see, sorry darling. Been a long day.

Toto: Zis is no problem, I have prepared your favorite zausages.

Susie: Huuuubbby

Toto: Ya snookems?

Susie: Would you have another word with Sir Frank for me and see if he'll let me have a few more laps in the car? Pleeaaaasssssee

Toto: Awwwww snookems. I talked Frank into letting you in ze team, I convinced him to sign Massa zo you had a driver you could beat, I even threatened to stop ze supply of engines if he didn't let you do a lap of Silverstone a few weeks ago. I think I'm all out of favors for ze while.

Susie: Awwww go on darling. I'll give you a special treat tonight

Toto: You mean ze Danica Patrick outfit?

Susie: And the wheel gun

Toto: Ze vheel gun?

Susie: Yep

Toto: Pass me my mobile phone.

 

[cider_and_toast]

Toto is at home running a hoover around the front room when Susie walks in

Toto: Ah good evening snookems, how voz your day?

Susie: Absolutely terrible, could you turn that off I've got a headache

Toto: Sorry snookems, I'm almost done

Susie: I just don't know how I'm ever going to get a race seat

Toto: do you vant to try America? I've heard zay ave lots of ladies in zee indy racing and some of zem are quite good

Susie: could you get me a drive over there?

Toto: Hmmm I am not sure. Mercedes are not in zee indy racing at zee moment therefore it may be difficult. What az Zir Frank said about ze drive?

Susie: Nothing so far. He did say you called but nothing more than that. I even tried dosing Massa's coffee with super strong laxatives today but he's bouncing about like a spring rabbit. I don't get it?

Toto: Oh hang on snookems, zats ze phone.

Susie: If that's Playboy tell them I've thought about their offer and I'll only do it if it's tasteful, a brief glimpse of a nipple is fine providing they stress I am a serious race driver

Toto: I'll let zem know..... Wolff residence... Yes.... Ah ok.... Zank you... i'll tell her... Goodbye..... Snookems, zat was Rob Smedleys PA, she says' your 10 o'clock meeting is cancelled because she zed, in Robs words, "He has a spine shattering case of ze shits"