Random, and most likely untrue, facts about badgers

Discussion in 'Gravel Trap' started by cider_and_toast, Feb 16, 2011.

  1. McZiderRed

    McZiderRed Champion Elect Supporter

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    Greville crouched amongst a pile of fallen leaves. Luckily, the leaves had fallen a couple of weeks ago and their colour had faded to a sullen off-white, matching the grey squirrel's fur shade perfectly .

    A cull”; Greville had snorted in derision all those weeks ago. Now though, the ridiculous notion of a Grey Squirrel cull wasn’t so far-fetched. What should be done about the grey squirrel?

    A snapped twig was all it took. Where once the pile of off-colour leaves had sheltered the little grey squirrel, now there was just a small pile of squirrel poo. Steaming slightly in its freshness.

    “Bugger”; Bertram cursed, as he plucked a shard of wood from his rear paw. Bertram hated the woods in autumn. Too many twigs, ready to put a splinter in his soft, fleshy, limbs.

    The only thing that had made Bertram smile lately, was how the grey squirrels were made to feel uncomfortable by the prospect of a cull, and how it’d take the pressure off the badgers. Bertram wouldn’t harm the squirrel directly. Just scare the shit out of it, occasionally.

    Maybe now I can get back to the serious business of …

    The crashing of undergrowth cut short Bertram’s thoughts. In fact, Bertram was nowhere to be seen when the grounds-keeper blundered past the little pile of leaves, not even noticing the squirrel pellets under foot.
     
    Last edited: Nov 29, 2014
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  3. Titch

    Titch Smile Premium Contributor

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    Milo studied the message from Bertram, with a worried frown. Bertram had seen the large canister the gamekeeper was carrying as he passed. Time for action.
     
  4. Jen

    Jen Here be dragons. Contributor

    "Dear me, too many characters in this" thought Bertram and Milo simultaneously.

    "And where the **** did the squirrels come from. I thought it was about 'badger' adventures" added Milo, who was normally a much more measured badger in terms of thought and speech.

    Bertie and Milo were quietly watching the game keeper when they were surprised by a noise behind them. Trevor had come to get their approval for his latest PR release on behalf of all badgers.
     
  5. Titch

    Titch Smile Premium Contributor

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    They read through the PR release nodding approvingly every now and then. The idea behind the release was to fool the Humans into believing that all the badgers in the local area had been culled. Hopefully they could then go quietly about their badger business.
     
  6. Jen

    Jen Here be dragons. Contributor

    "This maybe a ruse too far" thought Milo.

    Bertram had only one misgiving: "Where would the 'release' emanate from?"

    If they could shift its IP from out of the area, then the badgers would be safe. Milo suggested that it be posted, via the Royal Mail, in a box some 25 miles away - an old badger with old methods!
     
  7. teabagyokel

    teabagyokel #dejavu Valued Member

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    FB looked out of the window. His unicorn was getting upset. Badgers must be up to something. Nothing else in the world upsets a unicorn.
     
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  8. Titch

    Titch Smile Premium Contributor

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    First squirrels, now unicorns, what next ? Elephants? Have we moved to "In the night garden" ?
    ROFL
     
  9. Jen

    Jen Here be dragons. Contributor

    Back to poachers then!
     
  10. Jen

    Jen Here be dragons. Contributor

    Feel a need to touch base!

    Badgers are basking in the lovely spring sun and hoping for a quieter year than last. The unicorn has moved on and all they now have to worry about are humans and cars.

    Nirvana for the average badger.
     
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  11. FB

    FB Not my cup of cake Valued Member

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    Badgers wouldn't just rely on computer data to decide whether to make a pit stop in Monaco as they know track position is king.
     
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  12. Titch

    Titch Smile Premium Contributor

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    I'm sure they have some dodgy decision makers. Not only among the F1 racers, but amongst their footballing elite as well.
     
  13. Jen

    Jen Here be dragons. Contributor

    Badgers are 'au fait' with F1 and football but eschew both in preference to cricket and tennis, which are after all 'proper' summer sports. However, if push came to shove they would ignore all things manufactured and just go about their main businesses - food, procreation and wisdom!
     
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  14. Titch

    Titch Smile Premium Contributor

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    I'm officially joining a nearby Badger set. I have so much to teach them.
     
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  15. Mephistopheles

    Mephistopheles Banned Contributor

    Every Badger on the entire planet has been wiped out by a massive cow fart, the source of which has been tracked back to 10 Downing Street, London, a spokesmen said we are awfully sorry but chef gave call me Dave boiled beef and cabbage for lunch..
     
    Last edited: May 30, 2015
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  16. Jen

    Jen Here be dragons. Contributor

    Badgers are not fazed by cow farts. Cattle are a different matter as they 'give' badgers TB which is why they sometimes commit suicide on our roads in order to protect the sett.

    You should salute every carcass - a noble and altruistic death!
     
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  17. -WBF1-

    -WBF1- Points Scorer Contributor

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    And from the where Shakespeare plagiarised the famous line from Hamlet

    "TB or not TB that is the question"

    :embarrassed: I'm sorry, has anyone seen my coat?
     
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  18. FB

    FB Not my cup of cake Valued Member

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    [​IMG]
     
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  19. Mephistopheles

    Mephistopheles Banned Contributor

    McLaren have asked badgers to sort out their Honda engine for them because Honda sure as hell can't..
     
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  20. FB

    FB Not my cup of cake Valued Member

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    We Got Badgers
     
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  21. FB

    FB Not my cup of cake Valued Member

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    OMG! Badgerland!

    [​IMG]

    Inloggen | Attractie- & Vakantiepark
     

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