Have you heard the one about...

Discussion in 'Gravel Trap' started by Brogan, Jul 10, 2008.

  1. F1Brits_90

    F1Brits_90 Race Winner

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    i thought id post this. as some football songs are brilliant & really make laugh. like once arsenal played porto & 1 of the players is called hulk so when he got angry they chant "he's going green in minute"


    (to the tune of Addams family)
    Jos the Boss likes this.
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  3. FB

    FB Not my cup of cake Valued Member

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    A surrealist joke:

    A. One leg's both the same
    McZiderRed and Road of Bones like this.
  4. Titch

    Titch Champion Elect Premium Contributor

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  5. siffert_fan

    siffert_fan Too old to watch the Asian races live. Contributor

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    My therapist told me I am obsessed with vengeance.

    We'll see about that!
    FB likes this.
  6. Rutherford

    Rutherford Podium Finisher

    “Boy, these conservatives are really something, aren't they? They're all in favor of the unborn. They will do anything for the unborn. But once you're born, you're on your own. Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. After that, they don't want to know about you. They don't want to hear from you. No nothing. No neonatal care, no day care, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. If you're preborn, you're fine; if you're preschool, you're ****ed.” - George Carlin
  7. cousinDave

    cousinDave Points Scorer

    Hadn't realised Scotland had changed its currency... when did that happen?

    Galahad likes this.
  8. gethinceri

    gethinceri Daniil Kvyat Fan. Alfa Romeo Fan. Contributor

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    "legal tender"!
  9. Rutherford

    Rutherford Podium Finisher

    My girlfriend told me to take a spider out instead of killing it. We went and had drinks. Cool guy, he told me, he wants to be a web designer.
  10. Rutherford

    Rutherford Podium Finisher

    When Martin Brundle was robbed at gunpoint at this weekends Brazilian GP, he screamed, "is that a Glock?"
    Last edited: Nov 11, 2017
    Jos the Boss likes this.
  11. Bill Boddy

    Bill Boddy Professional layabout Premium Contributor

    The Queen of Hearts,
    She baked some tarts
    All on a summer day.
    The Knave of Hearts,
    He stole those tarts
    And sold them on E-Bay.
  12. Olivier

    Olivier Race Winner

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    Interviewer: Do you think Brazil's 1970 team can beat today's Argentina?

    Pelé: Yes.

    Interviewer: By how much?

    Pelé: 1:0


    That's it?

    Pelé: Well, most of us are over 75 now.
    FB, Bill Boddy and gethinceri like this.
  13. Angel

    Angel Happy to be here. Contributor

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    I had a look but I couldn't see a Joke Thread on here, apologies if there is one and I missed it. I know there is a good news thread, but I thought this might give us all a laugh and who doesn't need a laugh now and again? So come on, get your funny hat on and post your best efforts here to put a smile on a few faces hopefully.LOLROFL

    Here are my efforts for today:

    Australian professional tennis player Pat Cash bows to pressure to and considers changing his name to Pat Contactless.


    Husband: 'I can name three fish that begin and end with K'
    Wife: '...go on then'
    Husband: 'Killer shark, kippered haddock and Kilmarnock'
    Wife: 'Is that last one a fish?'
    Husband: 'Yeah, it's a plaice'.

    I'm sure you guys can do better! :cheers:
    Bill Boddy likes this.
  14. cider_and_toast

    cider_and_toast Exulted Lord High Moderator of the Apex Staff Member Premium Contributor

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    My kids have always been really good at trying new foods and flavours until yesterday when I put ginger in their curry.

    On reflection they really loved that cat.
  15. olegg

    olegg Race Winner

    Children's thinking...
    The older brother (5 years) can not understand
    what his younger brother (1.5 years) is trying to say
    and turns to his mother:
    - Mom, and he is definitely Russian?
    Bill Boddy and Angel like this.
  16. Angel

    Angel Happy to be here. Contributor

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    What do you call a magic Labrador?

    A Labracadabrador!
    Bill Boddy likes this.
  17. RasputinLives

    RasputinLives Not dead Contributor

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    Two monkies in a bath. One says to the other:


    The other says

    "Put some cold in then"
  18. F1Brits_90

    F1Brits_90 Race Winner

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    Scottish man walks into a bakery & asks is that a macaroon or a meringue.

    the server replies no your correct its is a macaroon
  19. Angel

    Angel Happy to be here. Contributor

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    What do you get if you drop a piano down a mineshaft?

    A flat miner ;)
    gethinceri and F1Brits_90 like this.
  20. Angel

    Angel Happy to be here. Contributor

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    Just went to the shops and there is a poster up for a missing ginger cat at the top of our road!! What did you do cider_and_toast :o
    cider_and_toast likes this.
  21. Angel

    Angel Happy to be here. Contributor

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    This one is a joke my daughter loves:

    Argon walks into a bar and orders a pint, the barman says 'we don't serve noble gases in here',

    Argon doesn't react

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