Andrea Moda

Discussion in 'Teams' started by RasputinLives, Aug 26, 2011.

  1. RasputinLives

    RasputinLives Happy to be me again Contributor

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    As we have a place for past teams now I thought I'd open the forum by doing a thread on who I consider to be the worst F1 team ever!

    Andrea Sassetti bought the old Coloni team, did a deal with Simtek for the unused 1990 Brabham Chassie and set about starting a bright future for his new Andra Moda Formula One team with drivers Alex Caffi and Enrico Bertaggia at the helm for the 1992 season

    They turn up in South Africa the first race and oh dear the cars aren't built yet. Oh well use the old ones!
    "ermmmm Mr Sassetti you owe us $100,000 for entering a new team."
    "We're not a new team argues we just have new cars, new engines, new owners, new colours and a new name thats all!"
    "Yeah whatever your excluded."
    "Crumbs!"

    Oh well not a great start but lets get it going at the second race of the year in Mexico.
    "Psssst Mr Sassetti the cars still aren't finished yet."
    "Bugger."

    Off to San Marino for the start of the European Season and Sassetti says its a fresh start and brings in 2 new drivers; Roberto Moreno and Perry McCarthy.
    "ermmm Mr Sassetti Perry McCarthy has no experience and we're refusing him a super licence."
    "But he's the stig!"
    "yes but he's also shite."
    "Oh well at least Moreno will race."
    "ermmmm Mr Sassetti he failed to qualify."
    "Blast!"

    This continued to be the theme until - Moreno qualified 26th for the Monaco Grand Prix! Hurrah - take that Eric Van De Poole! you is 0.0036 seconds slower than us! loser! Lets hope for a good race! bang! boom! pop! whoops thats Moreno out after a few laps.

    Oh well at least its progress lets go to Canada. Are we all set?
    "ermmm Mr Sassetti we don't have any engines."
    "Why not? I did a deal with Judd!"
    "ermmm....yes but you seem to have forgotten to pay them!"
    "Are you sure? I'm sure I set a Direct Debit up. Oh well I'll sort it and we'll storm the French Grand Prix next race"

    So to the French Grand Prix and Mr Sassetti is walking down the pitlane asking if anyone has seen his team.
    "Ermmmm Mr Sassetti you know you employed French Lorry drivers?"
    "yes?" "
    Well they're striking and ermmmm there using the lorries with your cars in for the blockade."
    "Merde!"

    They did managed to get to the next 3 Grand Prixs but then whilst hanging in the paddock in Belgium pretending he understood what Ron Dennis was going on about Mr Sassetti had some visitors.
    "Mr Sassetti? We'd like to talk to you about some of these invoices you've issued."
    "What about them?"
    "We suspect they might be forged."
    "Why?"
    "They've been done in pink crayon!"
    "Dam it!"

    After that little mishap the team packed up there stuff and headed to Monza.
    "Hello Mr Monza security man we're the Andrea Moda Formula One Team!"
    "Who?"
    "Andrea Moda! Italys 3rd best F1 team"
    "Never heard of you"
    "can you check the list"
    "you're not on it"
    "oh come on its spelt A N D..."
    "look if ya names not on the list you're not coming in but we do have a letter for a Mr Sassetti"
    "thats me"

    Mr Sassetti opened the letter which read

    'Dear Mr Sassetti and the Andrea Moda team. Firstly can we say how much joy and laughter you've brought to the F1 paddock this season. Half of our members are still laughing at the idea of Perry McCarthy in an F1 car. Unfourtunatly you're making us look bad so can you kindly just clear off please? Kind Regards Max.

    and that was the end of Andrea Moda. Got any Moda memories? Maybe you think theres been a worse F1 team?
     
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  3. Galahad

    Galahad Not a Moderator Valued Member

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    I don't think there are many candidates for a worse team. The combination of slowness, unreliability, ineptitude, naivety and dodgy dealing involved is just staggering.
     
    teabagyokel likes this.
  4. Grizzly

    Grizzly Bear Contributor

    Andrea Moda Rules will like this:ok:
     
  5. teabagyokel

    teabagyokel #dejavu Valued Member

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    They did nearly try to kill Perry McCarthy at one point...
     
  6. FB

    FB Not my cup of cake Valued Member

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    I'm surprised Tom Walkinshaw wasn't involved somewhere...
     
    teabagyokel likes this.
  7. Andrea_Moda_Rules

    Andrea_Moda_Rules Podium Finisher

    Ofcourse, just took me a couple of weeks to notice it LOL

    Oh the OP forgot

    Andra Moda Engineer : What shall we do with Moreno buggered Steering Column
    Andrea Sassetti: Stick it on on the other guys car
    Andra Moda Engineer: Perry McCarthy's you gotta be joking
    Andrea Sassetti: No! everything will be ok trust Me
    Andra Moda Engineer: erm..........Ok
    Perry McCarthy: Eau Rouge....lets hope it stic......WTF!! why wont it turn. Jesus i amlost got killed then.

    Also Perry McCarthy also wasn't even wanted by Andrea Sassetti, but they had to run two cars accoring to FIA regulations and the other dirver Enrico Bertaggia (iirc) pulled out taking his money too. So Sassetti didn't even bother letting him out the pits for some events. And even when he did got 1 or 2 laps and even wet tyres on a dry track.

    Also Sassetti's Club burnt down in a Arson attack in Canada before the Canadien GP and he was shot whilst fleeing from scence.

    I think Life Engineering were a worse team on the Track, They had there own engines that weighted about as much as Jumbo Jet and as powerful a mini cooper. I think its we will never be talking about a team being minutes off the pace again.
     
    Fenderman and FB like this.
  8. Andrea_Moda_Rules

    Andrea_Moda_Rules Podium Finisher

    Soory to double post but thinking about worse teams and more stories i sort of combined the two and dug out this web find writted by none other then Joe sward about some odd goings on in formula one.

    http://www.grandprix.com/ft/ft00343.html
     
    Fenderman and FB like this.
  9. teabagyokel

    teabagyokel #dejavu Valued Member

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    Yet another failure on the CV of the one and only Nick Wirth...!
     
  10. Mephistopheles

    Mephistopheles Banned Contributor

    Weren't Spyker pretty shit...
     
  11. Il_leone

    Il_leone Champion Elect

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    Andrea Sassetti was a successful in selling shoes so imagine the horry when then they heard he wanted to be an F1 manager ..not only was he prosecuted with fraud but quite how he was allowed in the F1 paddock given his track record was nothing but shameful

    ------------

    Nick Wirth was involved with SImtek which unfortunately folded due to financial issues but it did show promise under Verstappen.

    At Benetton the cars he designed were basically as his next role as toy designer " DOGS!"

    His return with Virgin using CFD did not catch on although there maybe potential in the technology
     
  12. cider_and_toast

    cider_and_toast Exulted Lord High Moderator of the Apex Staff Member Premium Contributor

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    I have a feeling the reason pure CFD cars didn't catch on was because they were slow. Virgin / Marrusia didn't start showing any sign of rapid improvement until they got the car in a wind tunnel.
     
    Last edited: Sep 5, 2013
  13. Mephistopheles

    Mephistopheles Banned Contributor

    This years McLaren was designed in a wind tunnel and that's a piece of shit.....
     
  14. cider_and_toast

    cider_and_toast Exulted Lord High Moderator of the Apex Staff Member Premium Contributor

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    True Meph but they didn't spend an entire season designing it in a "pretend wind tunnel" before hand.
     
    Last edited: Sep 5, 2013
  15. teabagyokel

    teabagyokel #dejavu Valued Member

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    You've got a nerve criticising midfield cars in this thread.
     
    Fenderman and cider_and_toast like this.
  16. Il_leone

    Il_leone Champion Elect

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    Spyker did score a point with Sutil if I remember rightly and led a grand prix even though it was 1 lap !

    Andrea Moda has to go down as one of the greatest embarrassments to F1 as Mr Sassetti was a fraud who did not know a thing about F1

    There have been a few dodgy Japanese owners which actually hastened the demise of March/ Leyton House, Brabham and nearly Arrows ( Footwork)

    I can't remember which team they referred to previously but one of the owners was actually on the run because he was wanted on a murder charge
     
  17. Bleu

    Bleu Points Scorer

    Larrousse? (co-owner Didier Calmels)
     
  18. The Artist.....

    The Artist..... Champion Elect

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    I'd say that Life deserve an honourable mention here.... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Life_Racing_Engines
     
    Galahad likes this.
  19. Il_leone

    Il_leone Champion Elect

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    Bleu that is him
     

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