Clip The Apex Presents...

Rooters News Well 2011 draws inexorably to a close and the staff in Fenderman's Head are asking themselves the question "Was it all worth it?" "So," thought Tellie Fenderman "how shall we find out?" Rad Booton, lost in deep thought about the future possibilities for a fictional character residing in a rather crowded fictional office, inside a fictional head, inside a real head living somewhere in Kent, Blighty, said "Pardon?" Tellie thought his question again and Rad piped up "Readers Survey!" "Brilliant idea," thought Tellie, "Make it so!" And thus, so it came to pass that, at great personal risk to his feelings, Rad Booton has posted this poll on that illustrious domain known as Clip The Apex - Clip The Apex Presents. Of...

Two ageing F1 Impresarios sit gazing at the Oxfordshire countryside through a large window at the Williams F1 Conference Centre. Frank - So Sam has gone then? Patrick - Thought it best to let him go, he was wittering about computers again. Frank - I don’t understand these youngsters, what's wrong with a slide rule and a drawing board? Patrick - Couldn't agree more. Managed quite well without any computer nonsense since we got rid of Adrian. Frank - Yes, cost me a fortune. Not as much as Jackie's bloody tartan trousers when RBS were here though. A brief silence occurs Frank - I still miss the cooling towers Patrick - Yes, inspired some of my best designs, the FW09 in particular There is a another brief silence Frank - Any new...

(the lights dim and spotlights flow around the stage) Announcer: Please welcome to the stage the stars of this years F1 grid (all the drivers run on in pairs to thunderous applause) Annoucer: ....and please welcome your host Sebassstttiian Vetttteeeel! (Sebastian runs on to the stage in front of the line up of drivers) SV: Hey! Has anyone seen any of the other F1 drivers? Audience: There behind you! SV: Aren't they always? RINGADINGDING! (shows off the finger). Ladies and Gentlemen I'd like to welcome you to the first annual F1 Variety Show! and without further delay lets kick off the show with a musical number from the 3 Nic's! (Audience applaudes loudly as all the drivers run off stage and the lights are dimmed) (3 Spotlights...

To be read in a Geordie accent... Race 14 in the Big Brother F1 series. Sebastian finished first again in Sunday's Grand Prix challenge and is now immune from eviction. Jenson put in a late charge but was unable to stop the finger from rising once again. Rumours persist that his love affair with Martin is in trouble and he's making eyes at the old Italian team. Could he swap his English rose for a Latin temptress? Mark managed one of his best results but yet again had trouble pedalling his car away at the start. He's looking safe from eviction at the end of the season as his Austrian friend won't vote him out. Fernando looked very lonely and despite the hot weather still couldn't get his hards warm while his softs wore out too...

Who knows? Let's ask Christian Horner if he can take over Webber's RB7 in Japan and see how it goes. Mr Corner c/o The Bubblegum Fizzy Drinks Company The Land of Roundabouts Dear Christian We at Clip the Apex have always respected your every utterance and think you are a really nice bloke (despite the foot tapping during every race, what are you listening to on your iPod?). Anyway, can you settle an argument for us. That Aussie bloke has been a bit crap year (yes, we know Dietrich likes him but that's only because he has compromising pictures of him and Slavia Ecclestone in a Nuns outfit) so we would like you to put Nico Rosberg into the second RB7 at Suzuka. We are sure if you rouge his cheeks, add some spray stubble, dye his hair...

ROOTERSPORT Issue 1 August 2011 Welcome to Rootersport News, a new initiative from our beloved Rooters News Group. We have launched this new comic following the recent disappointing read in the pages of our competition. We thought that it was high time we jumped onto the bandwagon to dish out some predictable drivel and show the tabloids how it should be done. The whole team (that's me backwards with an 'a' and a 't' in it) are so excited we can't possibly tell you how much! So, enjoy the first issue of Rootersport as it may well be the last! ROOTERSPORT NEWS - MONZA PREVIEW Part One - Team Principles (if they have any) or Minion's Interviews - Tellie Fenderman interviews some of them...

Ere M'Babbers, Wes ere with a recap on my F1 team. As you remember we were bidding to enter our car at the start of the 2010 Formula One season. Sadly things didn't go according to plan...... Catch up with our original story 'ere and stay tuned for future posts as we continue to pursue the dream of West Country Motorsports fans everywhere. Wes http://cliptheapex.com/threads/chedder-valley-racing-the-blog-part-1.1005/ http://cliptheapex.com/threads/cheddar-valley-racing-the-blog-part-2.1017/

ULTRA HOT PRESS EXCLUSIVE ... ROOTERS NEWS GIVEN GREEN LIGHT TO LAUNCH NEW STUFF SECTION ON CTA It is with great humility and some degree of smug satisfaction that Rooters International News Peep's can accept the remarkable honour of opening a new forum on Clip The Apex. Due to popular demand and a shed load of really creative peep's CTA are launching this wonderful new place for free expression and loose tongues. Our top hack, Fenderman, has been hunting down the contributors who will undoubtedly make this another unrivalled success for CTA. McZiderRed said "It's a pleasure to be in collaboration with the luminaries of CTA. For example, I've been looking at Cheddar Gorge Racing for a while now. They are a strong cheese team, which...

The office at the top of Maranello tower. An Italian man in glasses enters the room, as his boss swivels around in his huge backed chair. SD: Forza Ferrari! LdM: Forza Ferrari! What was it you wanted, Stefano? SD: A few things. First, we've noticed Mike Coughlan hanging around the bins again. LdM: Give him one of our dossiers. SD: That nearly didn't work last time, Luca, are you sure...? LdM: If Williams are on the pace next year, the Place de la Concorde will find out about it. SD: OK, second, Rob is getting irritated by the team strategy. LdM: Tell him we can bring back Badoer if he's not happy. SD: Do we really want to hamper our second car that much? LdM: Quite frankly, Stefano, you need to hamper second cars more. Did you see that...

Deep within the FOM bunker a silver haired billionaire sits in a large leather chair stroking a fluffy white cat. A minion rushes in: Minion: "Mr Ecclestone, Mr Ecclestone, the contributors of Clip the Apex are up in arms about your deal with Sky" BE: "**** 'em, have em shot. Oh, and to really piss them off ban overtaking at the next race" The minion walks out backwards scraping and bowing as the cat purrs loudly.

EPILOGUE: Max retired on Flav's boat on the Seychelles! Flav is now living in a poor man's penthouse. Paul made off with anything of value. Ron stole the blueprints to Flav's boat and has hired Mike Coughlan to build it. Mario is still waiting for Item 2. Bernie and Jean went head-to-head in the limbo competition final; simply walking under the bar. Eddie is still keeping an eye on David. Sir Jackie and Niki escaped without injury Nick designed a lifeboat and hasn't been seen for weeks. Aguri managed to buy his Nick Fry dartboard at a knockdown price The Toyota delegation is yet to decide how to react

Overheard in McLaren paddock during Montreal GP rain delay: Ron Dennis : Martin, I find myself sub-optimal mood-wise... Martin W: Er...Oh dear, is it because Lewis & Jenson had a coming-together? RD: That is a sub-component of my displeasure certainly - a concomitant result of which means that the biomaton for car 3 is spending an inordinate amount of time dawdling about in the garage accompanied by monosyllabic entities whose grasp of the intricacies of the functioning of a Formula 1 Racing Concern are, at best, decidedly lacking. MW: ...well, er... Rhianna's hair nearly matches the vodafone orange, surely? RD: It most certainly does not Martin - have your eye checked, would you? Furthermore, I would prefer that Jordan creature to be...