Clip The Apex Presents...

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Ross Brawn is sitting at his desk at the MGP head office when the special silver phone rings on his desk: Ross: “Hello, Ross speaking.” Screen splits to show caller: Lewis: “Yo Mr Brawn, owz it hanging?” Ross: “Oh hello Lewis, Fine thanks. What can I do for you?” Lewis: “Yo Mr Brawn, it’s about the company nickname ‘Silver Arrows’, Lewis don’t like it” Ross: “And what exactly don’t you like about it Lewis?” Lewis: “Well Lewis was watchin that Olympics fing and Silver is for second place man and that ain’t Lewis. Know what Lewis is saying? And Arrows, well they is never winning a Grand Prix and Lewis is a Winner” Ross: “So what do you suggest we call it?” Lewis: “Well Lewis was thinking we calls it ‘Golden Lewis’”...

Toto Wolff is in the kitchen wearing his favorite pinny, making tea when in walks Susie: Susie: Phew what a day Toto: Velcome home darling, how vos it? Susie: Busy, I spent the whole day in the simulator again. Toto: How iz zat coming along? Susie: Not bad, not bad at all. They finally got around to giving me Felipe's copy of Grandprix 2014 and Sir Frank says if I can complete Monaco in novice mode higher than sixth, with realistic crashes on, then he will let me drive the car off the transporter and into the garage at Spa. Toto: Snookems zat is vonderful. I love you zo much. Now could you pass ze salt. Susie: Of course I can pass Zesalt? Is he the new Caterham test driver? I may be female darling but you know I can mix it with...

To be read in a Geordie accent... Race 14 in the Big Brother F1 series. Sebastian finished first again in Sunday's Grand Prix challenge and is now immune from eviction. Jenson put in a late charge but was unable to stop the finger from rising once again. Rumours persist that his love affair with Martin is in trouble and he's making eyes at the old Italian team. Could he swap his English rose for a Latin temptress? Mark managed one of his best results but yet again had trouble pedalling his car away at the start. He's looking safe from eviction at the end of the season as his Austrian friend won't vote him out. Fernando looked very lonely and despite the hot weather still couldn't get his hards warm while his softs wore out too...

Ere M'Babbers, Wes ere with a recap on my F1 team. As you remember we were bidding to enter our car at the start of the 2010 Formula One season. Sadly things didn't go according to plan...... Catch up with our original story 'ere and stay tuned for future posts as we continue to pursue the dream of West Country Motorsports fans everywhere. Wes http://cliptheapex.com/threads/chedder-valley-racing-the-blog-part-1.1005/ http://cliptheapex.com/threads/cheddar-valley-racing-the-blog-part-2.1017/

A bargain board for all F1 fans - a series of collectables that will be available after each race from the the 2012 season. We will start with the Shanghai, China GP. Apologies for those of you who were hoping for something from Australia or Malaysia - we are still in negotiation - items may become available later in the season. All lots will come with certification from the seller as to their authenticity - everything for sale here formed part of the spectacle and result. We have a selection of used and new items. All are open to bids, but we have set 'reserves' on some items. Lot 1 - numerous sets of NEW inters and wets. Pirelli have decided not to ship these over to Bahrain - the cost involved is huge and the upcoming venue...

The 2112 Formula One season is almost upon us here, and the teams have built their cars and tested them to the nth degree. As the grid decamps to Homs, Syria to be welcomed by the despotic rulers of the country, we here at Apex Sport preview the new season. Last year's Constructors' Champions Anthony Hamilton Racing continue with their Renault engine, but there is a new driver line-up. Their two drivers are both decendents of former World Champions with (3) Martin Button and (4) Ronaldo Alonso taking to the famous yellow cars. The team has missed its founder's steely detirmination, but was still utterly successful last year. Drinks manufacturers Tango continue with their F1 effort with Daewoo engines in the back. (5) Roberto Ontário...

On the subject of "anonymous holidays in Tenby".... what'd ya mean, no-one was talking about that? ... source link The sleepy seaside town of Tenby, in South Wales, was sent into a frenzy yesterday, when the proprietor of a seafront hotel (The Tenby Ritz) let slip to his friend Morgan Evans the Butcher, or as he's known locally "Morgan the Meat", that a Spaniard had booked into the Tenby Ritz Hotel for a long weekend break. The Spaniard was named Lenarndo Afonso, and would be jetting off to Canada 'on a business trip' early next week. Well, the scenes that followed were unbelievable. It was well known that Fernando Alonso used to take anonymous holidays in the town, thanks to later press reports on the subject, so the townsfolk put...

(the lights dim and spotlights flow around the stage) Announcer: Please welcome to the stage the stars of this years F1 grid (all the drivers run on in pairs to thunderous applause) Annoucer: ....and please welcome your host Sebassstttiian Vetttteeeel! (Sebastian runs on to the stage in front of the line up of drivers) SV: Hey! Has anyone seen any of the other F1 drivers? Audience: There behind you! SV: Aren't they always? RINGADINGDING! (shows off the finger). Ladies and Gentlemen I'd like to welcome you to the first annual F1 Variety Show! and without further delay lets kick off the show with a musical number from the 3 Nic's! (Audience applaudes loudly as all the drivers run off stage and the lights are dimmed) (3 Spotlights...

Overheard in McLaren paddock during Montreal GP rain delay: Ron Dennis : Martin, I find myself sub-optimal mood-wise... Martin W: Er...Oh dear, is it because Lewis & Jenson had a coming-together? RD: That is a sub-component of my displeasure certainly - a concomitant result of which means that the biomaton for car 3 is spending an inordinate amount of time dawdling about in the garage accompanied by monosyllabic entities whose grasp of the intricacies of the functioning of a Formula 1 Racing Concern are, at best, decidedly lacking. MW: ...well, er... Rhianna's hair nearly matches the vodafone orange, surely? RD: It most certainly does not Martin - have your eye checked, would you? Furthermore, I would prefer that Jordan creature to be...

Two ageing F1 Impresarios sit gazing at the Oxfordshire countryside through a large window at the Williams F1 Conference Centre. Frank - So Sam has gone then? Patrick - Thought it best to let him go, he was wittering about computers again. Frank - I don’t understand these youngsters, what's wrong with a slide rule and a drawing board? Patrick - Couldn't agree more. Managed quite well without any computer nonsense since we got rid of Adrian. Frank - Yes, cost me a fortune. Not as much as Jackie's bloody tartan trousers when RBS were here though. A brief silence occurs Frank - I still miss the cooling towers Patrick - Yes, inspired some of my best designs, the FW09 in particular There is a another brief silence Frank - Any new...

This is Martian Bumble reporting live from the F1 paddock. As always I'm going to try my best to poke my nose into everyone's business, whether they like it or not. There's lots to talk about today considering the recent shenanigans between Versuseveryone and Peniz. Hey, there's Leak Stephensomeone who works for Bared Balls. Let's see if we can get a few words from him. So Leak, I heard a rumour that most people in the team think that Versuseveryone acted like a total **** last week. What makes them say that? Well, it's fairly obvious, isn't it? He's really not very well liked, apart from by Horny, who apparently has had a silicone model of one his body parts made. Hmm, well, that's disturbing ... I know, right! It's worse than...