Clip The Apex Presents...

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Who knows? Let's ask Christian Horner if he can take over Webber's RB7 in Japan and see how it goes. Mr Corner c/o The Bubblegum Fizzy Drinks Company The Land of Roundabouts Dear Christian We at Clip the Apex have always respected your every utterance and think you are a really nice bloke (despite the foot tapping during every race, what are you listening to on your iPod?). Anyway, can you settle an argument for us. That Aussie bloke has been a bit crap year (yes, we know Dietrich likes him but that's only because he has compromising pictures of him and Slavia Ecclestone in a Nuns outfit) so we would like you to put Nico Rosberg into the second RB7 at Suzuka. We are sure if you rouge his cheeks, add some spray stubble, dye his hair...

The office at the top of Maranello tower. An Italian man in glasses enters the room, as his boss swivels around in his huge backed chair. SD: Forza Ferrari! LdM: Forza Ferrari! What was it you wanted, Stefano? SD: A few things. First, we've noticed Mike Coughlan hanging around the bins again. LdM: Give him one of our dossiers. SD: That nearly didn't work last time, Luca, are you sure...? LdM: If Williams are on the pace next year, the Place de la Concorde will find out about it. SD: OK, second, Rob is getting irritated by the team strategy. LdM: Tell him we can bring back Badoer if he's not happy. SD: Do we really want to hamper our second car that much? LdM: Quite frankly, Stefano, you need to hamper second cars more. Did you see that...

ROOTERSPORT Issue 1 August 2011 Welcome to Rootersport News, a new initiative from our beloved Rooters News Group. We have launched this new comic following the recent disappointing read in the pages of our competition. We thought that it was high time we jumped onto the bandwagon to dish out some predictable drivel and show the tabloids how it should be done. The whole team (that's me backwards with an 'a' and a 't' in it) are so excited we can't possibly tell you how much! So, enjoy the first issue of Rootersport as it may well be the last! ROOTERSPORT NEWS - MONZA PREVIEW Part One - Team Principles (if they have any) or Minion's Interviews - Tellie Fenderman interviews some of them...

Rooters News ......... LATEST RUMOUREPORT .......... Rooters News The rumour mill is running hot with the revelation that the F1 technical working group has just about ironed out all the problems related to the long awaited Constant Radius Tunnel Racing Formula 1 (CRTRF1). Circuit designer, Tilke, has completed the design of the first track to be erected in Trafalgar Square, London, England. This will be the very first state of the art space saving circuit with the entire track on the inside of a 3km circumference tube. The starting grid will form in Pall Mall to enable cars to enter the tube at the requisite speed to enable their aerodynamic devices to "stick" the cars to the track when upside down. The sticking point with drafting...

On the subject of "anonymous holidays in Tenby".... what'd ya mean, no-one was talking about that? ... source link The sleepy seaside town of Tenby, in South Wales, was sent into a frenzy yesterday, when the proprietor of a seafront hotel (The Tenby Ritz) let slip to his friend Morgan Evans the Butcher, or as he's known locally "Morgan the Meat", that a Spaniard had booked into the Tenby Ritz Hotel for a long weekend break. The Spaniard was named Lenarndo Afonso, and would be jetting off to Canada 'on a business trip' early next week. Well, the scenes that followed were unbelievable. It was well known that Fernando Alonso used to take anonymous holidays in the town, thanks to later press reports on the subject, so the townsfolk put...

The 2112 Formula One season is almost upon us here, and the teams have built their cars and tested them to the nth degree. As the grid decamps to Homs, Syria to be welcomed by the despotic rulers of the country, we here at Apex Sport preview the new season. Last year's Constructors' Champions Anthony Hamilton Racing continue with their Renault engine, but there is a new driver line-up. Their two drivers are both decendents of former World Champions with (3) Martin Button and (4) Ronaldo Alonso taking to the famous yellow cars. The team has missed its founder's steely detirmination, but was still utterly successful last year. Drinks manufacturers Tango continue with their F1 effort with Daewoo engines in the back. (5) Roberto Ontário...

Deep within the FOM bunker a silver haired billionaire sits in a large leather chair stroking a fluffy white cat. A minion rushes in: Minion: "Mr Ecclestone, Mr Ecclestone, the contributors of Clip the Apex are up in arms about your deal with Sky" BE: "**** 'em, have em shot. Oh, and to really piss them off ban overtaking at the next race" The minion walks out backwards scraping and bowing as the cat purrs loudly.

EPILOGUE: Max retired on Flav's boat on the Seychelles! Flav is now living in a poor man's penthouse. Paul made off with anything of value. Ron stole the blueprints to Flav's boat and has hired Mike Coughlan to build it. Mario is still waiting for Item 2. Bernie and Jean went head-to-head in the limbo competition final; simply walking under the bar. Eddie is still keeping an eye on David. Sir Jackie and Niki escaped without injury Nick designed a lifeboat and hasn't been seen for weeks. Aguri managed to buy his Nick Fry dartboard at a knockdown price The Toyota delegation is yet to decide how to react

Overheard in McLaren paddock during Montreal GP rain delay: Ron Dennis : Martin, I find myself sub-optimal mood-wise... Martin W: Er...Oh dear, is it because Lewis & Jenson had a coming-together? RD: That is a sub-component of my displeasure certainly - a concomitant result of which means that the biomaton for car 3 is spending an inordinate amount of time dawdling about in the garage accompanied by monosyllabic entities whose grasp of the intricacies of the functioning of a Formula 1 Racing Concern are, at best, decidedly lacking. MW: ...well, er... Rhianna's hair nearly matches the vodafone orange, surely? RD: It most certainly does not Martin - have your eye checked, would you? Furthermore, I would prefer that Jordan creature to be...

ULTRA HOT PRESS EXCLUSIVE ... ROOTERS NEWS GIVEN GREEN LIGHT TO LAUNCH NEW STUFF SECTION ON CTA It is with great humility and some degree of smug satisfaction that Rooters International News Peep's can accept the remarkable honour of opening a new forum on Clip The Apex. Due to popular demand and a shed load of really creative peep's CTA are launching this wonderful new place for free expression and loose tongues. Our top hack, Fenderman, has been hunting down the contributors who will undoubtedly make this another unrivalled success for CTA. McZiderRed said "It's a pleasure to be in collaboration with the luminaries of CTA. For example, I've been looking at Cheddar Gorge Racing for a while now. They are a strong cheese team, which...

I've been musing on the point of position - not on the track - but in one's own environment. I've discovered that if I sit in my 'usual' chair in the living room, which happens to be next to the TV, the position becomes what my children have dubbed the 'mad chair' and a whole tirade usually ensues. This seems to engulf all who sit there, even my kids when they beat me to it. Whereas, if I move further back into the room and have a different vista (i.e. I can see out of the window) I adopt a far less combative demeanour. As I have never liked having my back against a wall and am vaguely claustrophobic, I wondered if this was the answer. It's not just aggression that changes depending on what part of a room that one has parked one's...

For your entertainment I have decided to post the entire series of YOST in one place. We start at the beginning which seems a sensible idea even if the strip is rather insensible. This first episode was much like a pilot and was in honour of MCLS 's birthday. Just like on the telly a warm reception from Rooters fans meant that we, the occupants of Fenderman's Head, commissioned further episodes. So here we go and if you haven't received your own personal episode please understand that they are time consuming and we don't always get off the starting blocks in reasonable time for everyone's birthday. Sometimes we simply don't know when a birthday is looming until it's way too late. Oh, and I should mention a few pointers: Members who...